


Chisel Through The Heart

by KellynKupcake



Series: The Great Stone Faces [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:12:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 57,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3506282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KellynKupcake/pseuds/KellynKupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi has spent the last few weeks dealing with all the emotions that come with being betrayed by someone that promised to never hurt him. Just when he finally seemed to be over the hump he's gone and done something stupid. He told another man that he loves him. Kakashi is sure he means it. Tenzou is sure he doesn't. But it doesn't matter really, because Tenzou will take what he can get. (Sequel to Carved In Stone.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a sequel to my previous work "Carved in Stone". You could probably read it as a stand alone but it would make a lot more sense if you read the previous story first as there is some mention of incidents that occurred in the first story and I don't go in to much detail regarding what they are. 
> 
> For the people that read Carved in Stone thank you for your support and welcome back. I know I promised a happier story this time around but you should all know me by now. Oops my hand slipped and I wrote more angst. Sorry. It's is my thing.

I love you

The words sounded foreign even to himself as they slipped from his mouth. The meaning behind them was as lost as his sanity.

Hearing them gave him comfort. Saying them twisted his gut like tornado.

Shadows danced across the wall in front of him, bouncing off one another and disappearing as fast as they had appeared. He found himself mesmerised by them. His eyes started to slip out of focus and the [silhouette](https://www.google.com.au/search?biw=1920&bih=979&q=define+silhouette&sa=X&ei=4eX2VN2VHsPXmAWjkYHACg&ved=0CB4Q_SowAA)s were erased from the plaster and replaced by the simple white of the paint.

A warm arm from the man behind him stroked his side periodically. A comfort he didn’t deserve, but craved more than anything else.

I love you

‘I’ used to refer to oneself as speaker or writer. ‘Love’, to have a passionate desire, longing and/or feelings for. ‘You’ used to refer to the person or people that the speaker is addressing.

Know the definitions of those 3 words did not help to quell the anxiety swirling in his heart. He had hoped breaking them down would make them seem less scary. That knowing exactly what he was saying would make it seem more serious. But it hadn’t. He was sure he had meant them at the time. He had made a decision. He was grounded, he was sure. But something was wrong. He didn’t feel the way he had expected to after. The security of knowing he was loved was being overruled by the fear of change.

He slipped from the warm embrace, utilizing all the skills he had acquired in his long stint as an elite ninja to not wake the man next to him.

He was too uneasy to sleep. Too anxious that something was wrong. He dressed quietly and slipped from the bedroom window on to a nearby roof. He shivered slightly as his bare feet touched cold steel. He made his way towards a familiar apartment, in a familiar part of town.

He had to check. To make sure.

Maybe his unease didn’t have anything to do with the life changing words he had uttered a few hours ago.

He stopped short of the building a block away. He hadn’t realised he had been sprinting. Jumping from roof to roof was a fast paced business. Slowly he continued towards it, his pace steady, his breathing uneasy. The last thing he wanted was to wake the person he intended to spy on. There would be questions.

_So many questions…_

As he perched himself on a stranger’s balcony railing he forced himself to relax. Standing slowly, he held on to the support pole and stretched himself out so he could just see in through the bedroom window across the road. He had done this more times than he could count, although he would never admit it.

He waited patiently, his breath hitching for a second before returning to normal when he realised he could indeed see the steady rise and fall of the green covered body in the bed.

Guy was safe.

He breathed a shaky sigh of relief as he climbed back up on to the roof and started his journey to the next building. 

This ritual of his. He called it ‘doing rounds’. He hadn’t felt the need to do them in a long time. Well, that wasn’t true. He had felt the need while he was in the hospital, both visits. But he didn’t have the energy and he was being watched closely. If he had of left Tsunade definitely would have sent the ANBU after him. Then there would have definitely been a lot of awkward questions when they found him outside whoever’s apartment he was up to at the time. Especially if they had found him peeping in on one of his Genin.

It had started after Rin’s death. After weeks on end of sleepless nights he had finally let his anxiety get the better of him. Minato had caught him of course.

He may have been a Jonin, but the unease in his heart made his chakra flicker and light up like a flare. He was found hovering outside his Sensei’s window. But instead of being scolded, he had been invited in and offered a warm beverage by Kushina.

He never really liked that woman, until that night. She made him feel welcome, like he was a part of the family instead of the lonely orphan he was. He was encouraged to seek them out when he was feeling upset, instead of lingering outside his friend’s windows. So he did, whenever his insomnia went on for too long, or his nightmares scared him so bad he was terrified to go back to sleep on his own. He would slip in through the living room window that they left unlocked for him and tiptoe to the spare room, where he would promptly fall asleep without worry, feeling safe merely being in the same building as Minato.

On the mornings after those nights he was always embarrassed to wake up staring at the wooden crib that would soon hold the couple’s child.

_Their actual child. Not some affection starved Jonin that had a home of his own._

He had tried to sneak out without them knowing he was around, but it was always too late. Thinking back on it now Minato must have rigged the room somehow to detect his motion.

_Or maybe… to protect his child. Yes. It wasn’t about me. It was never about me._

Because every single time just as he was about to leave out the window they caught him, sprouting loud ‘good mornings’ and dragging him to the kitchen to have breakfast with them. There was never any judgement on their part and he loved them for it.

But then they died.

_They both died. They left me alone again. They left me alone like he is alone now._

He thought as he balanced himself outside Naruto’s window. He wasn’t sure at which point he had added his Genin to his list of people to check on. He just knew that it was something that he did now. He never worried much about Sakura, because she lived with her parents. But Naruto and Sasuke, he literally couldn’t stop worrying about. Especially Sasuke.

They knew all too well the pain of being alone. They were just like him. He had offered Naruto the same curtesy that Minato and Kushina offered to him. But he was promptly rejected by the little loud mouth screaming about how that was gross and he wasn’t gay. Kakashi had assured him that he had meant it as a friendly offer and wasn’t gay either.

He snickered as he thought about all the times that the little idiot had unknowingly walked in to Kakashi’s apartment after that to sleep at ‘Iruka Sensei’s house’. If only he knew exactly how gay they both were.

_Naruto’s fine._

He thought to himself with an internal sigh of relief as he moved on towards Sasuke’s.

He had offered the same to Sasuke as well, but with not as many words. He had simply said that he knew what solitude was and that if he ever felt that it had gotten too much, he knew where to find him.

Sasuke had only come to him once thus far, but he was startled when Iruka had answered the door and like a baby deer, had scooted off before Kakashi could catch him.

_We’re so alike that it’s just sad… God I hope he doesn’t end up like me._

He knew his friends often referred to him as a deer behind his back. He was awkward and skittish in social situations. He would have preferred dog, but he’d take what he could get.

After assuring himself that his favourite student was safe and sound he moved on to Asuma’s.

He really hoped Kureni was in her own bed this time, instead of the other Jonin’s. He had seen way too much last time. Although it did cut a considerable amount of time out of his rounds, because Kureni lived the furthest from his apartment than anyone else, so usually she came last. But that night he didn’t have to check on her separately, which was nice, even if it did mean he got to check on wayyyy more of her than he would have liked.

She was with him again tonight, but they were sleeping this time. Peaceful. The way a couple should be at night. If they weren’t…. well…

His mind wandered back to Tenzou and he suddenly questioned why he was roaming the rooftops on this chilly morning instead of snuggled against him.

He answered himself as his eyes refocused and he realised he had been returning home to a place that was not actually his home anymore. He tried to stop himself from running and fumbled. He fell from the roof he was about to jump from, landing hard on the ground, luckily it was only one story. He shook his head, scanning the area quickly and inspecting himself for wounds. He hoped no one had seen that. He was a dog person through and through but usually he had the grace of a cat. He stood, satisfied there was no one around to witness his incoordination.

That was the second time he had fallen since the incident. Granted, the first time had been straight after he had found them. But that justification didn’t make him feel any better about it. Iruka had made him weak and he was reminded of that fact daily.

He loitered for a second, trying to decide where to go next. He had finished his rounds, satisfied that everyone he loved who wasn’t on a mission was alive and well. He had stopped checking on Genma and Raidou when he had caught them in a similar situation to Asuma and Kureni. The difference being that they weren’t the only ones caught. Genma had spotted him watching wide eyed from across the street and thrown him a sleazy smile along with a crude come hither motion. Raidou enjoyed that a little too much because it was accompanied by a deep thrust.

He shook his head at the memory. That was before Iruka. He had actually considered joining them for a second before what was left of his dignity returned to the front of his mind and he teleported back to his empty apartment to shamefully use the memory for his own sinful purpose.

_That was back before I needed anyone…_

He thought, looking down and watching his bare feet disturb the soil under him. He sighed allowed again, rubbing his forehead. He wasn’t sure what to do now. There was usually one more person to check on.

But Tenzou didn’t need his attention tonight. He knew where he was and for the second time in one night he wondered why he wasn’t still there with him.

_There is… one more person that I suppose I kind of care about…_

He thought as he scrambled back up on to the rooftops and headed towards his old apartment. His stomach twisted more violently as he neared it.

The bedroom was empty, but the living room was not. He watched silently as Iruka and his new girlfriend made out on his couch. Feelings of déjà vu started to surface and he realised he needed to leave.

He turned, feeling worse than he had when he left Tenzou’s bed. The guilt coupled with his anxiety had increased in tenfold. He shouldn’t be spying on anyone, least of all his ex-boyfriend. But he couldn’t help it. He hated Iruka. Absolutely loathed him.

_But I still…_

“No!” He shouted allowed, pushing the thought away. “You don’t care about him! You hate him!”

He increased his pace, now running as fast as his feet would take him.

_Tenzou…_

He thought, as he leapt from building to building .

_Tenzou loves me… I love him… Iruka is nothing to me… I only care becau… No! I don’t care!_

He wrestled with himself internally.

_I DON’T CARE ABOUT IRUKA!_

 

*

 

Tenzou’s eyes snapped open as the familiar chakra approached him. He looked up to watch Kakashi freeze half in or was it half out of the window. He cocked his head in question and Kakashi smiled sheepishly.

“I was just… checking something.” He said softly as he climbed inside and closed the window behind him.

“Okay… well… Can I check something?” Tenzou asked seriously. Kakashi’s recently extinguished unease returned full force at the firm look on his lover’s face.

“What?” He asked, sitting down on the bed next to him.

“Do you know what a door is?” Tenzou asked with a laugh, reaching out to pull him back under the covers so they were lying on their sides, facing each other.

“Oh…” Kakashi smiled, snuggling up against the other man. “Yes. But I prefer the window, it gets me where I want to go faster.”

“Mmmm?” The brunette growled questioningly, running his hands through the other’s hair. “Well, I suppose it’s okay.” He said in mock defeat. Kakashi chuckled, despite his discomfort not fully disappearing.

He had been so quiet. But now he knew he was going to have to answer the usual questions eventually. Where did you go? Why? Did you used to spy on me before we got together? Did you see anything of interest? He didn’t fancy answering any of them.

When he had first gotten with Iruka he had been grilled to a crisp about his night-time absences because thanks to his reputation as a perve Iruka didn’t place much trust in him and thought he was being unfaithful.

_Ironic…_

He thought as he let his mind wander.

_Will Tenzou care? Will he be mad?_

He asked himself, hoping to hell the answers to both questions was no.

_Should I just tell him… here, now? Bite the bullet and get it over with before he asks me? He’s going to be mad like Iruka was…_

He opened his mouth, deciding he should tell the other but was immediately shushed by a smooth voice.

“I don’t want to know.” He said softly, reaching a hand out to pet Kakashi’s cheek lightly with his knuckles. “I’m not going to ask you, so don’t worry about that. But if you ever feel like telling me, because you want me to know, not because you feel like you have to, then I’ll be here to listen.”

Kakashi closed his mouth, his cheeks flushed as he felt a strong sense of security wash over him. He hadn’t felt this way since Minato. He felt safe in Tenzou’s arms. He knew from the bottom of his heart that Tenzou was speaking the truth and not judging him. He pressed his face close to the other man’s chest.

“I love you.” He whispered, knowing that it was the truth.

The words suddenly seemed way less frightening than before.

 

*

 

Tenzou didn’t have to wonder where Kakashi went. He knew about the rounds. He didn’t much care for Guy and his big personality but they had on more than one occasion discussed Kakashi’s late night visits. It was touching how much the bushy browed man cared for his friend.

He wondered to himself if Kakashi knew how much his chakra spiked when he sat outside their windows. He was lit up like an emotional Christmas tree. But no one really minded because they knew it meant he cared about them, even if he never actually said it. To be included in Kakashi Hatake’s rounds was an honour not bestowed on many.

He had meant what he said about not pushing Kakashi in to telling him. But he did have one question which is was dying to ask, because he was sure he already knew the answer to.

_Did he check on Iruka?_

There was nothing much he could do about it even if he did. But it did hurt him in a small way. Kakashi had promised him everything and even thought he had known it was a hollow gesture at the time he couldn't help but get excited. Then literally hours later he was lying in a cold bed alone waiting for Kakashi to come back from spying on his ex.

_It wasn't…. Really a hollow gesture…_

He thought to himself as he turned to watch his lover snoozing.

_He meant it… I know he did. But… It will take him a while to get over his first love. I guess I should understand… I've never gotten over mine…_

He smiled to himself as he reached out to stroke the smooth uncovered face of the man himself. He smiled weakly, his resentful thoughts fading as he reminded himself that Iruka may not have been Kakashi’s first love, but he was his first relationship.

His mind started to wander in to the past. His first relationship was much the same as Kakashi’s, except in that scenario, he was the asshole.

He cringed inwardly. He hated remembering the look on his partners face when he had told him there was someone else. He wasn’t cheating. He would never cheat. But there had definitely been someone else. After 6 months of pretending he felt the same way for the other man he had to break it off. He had been so excited about the prospect of actually having a partner that he never stopped to think what would happen if it didn’t change him the way he hoped.

What happened if having a boyfriend _didn’t_ make him fall out of love with Kakashi like he hoped? What happened if 6 months down the track he had to break the other man’s heart because he realised that it wasn’t right to keep him around just to fuel his fantasies about fucking another man.

He didn’t stop to think. He was only 17 and incredibly lonely. Now he was 24, 7 years had passed and he still felt guilty even though that man had moved on, married someone else and started a family. He still felt guilty for hurting him and until tonight, he was still so lonely.

Before Iruka hurt Kakashi he had resigned himself to being alone forever. He didn’t deserve someone loving him if he couldn’t whole heartedly promise them he would give them everything. He wasn’t about to make the same mistake he had made all those years ago. Unless he could get over the stupid Copy Ninja, he didn’t deserve anything.

That night he saw Iruka leaving the hospital, his heart had leapt and he hated it. But he couldn’t help it. His friend, the man he had lusted over for all those years was in incredibly pain, but that meant there was a chance for him. He couldn’t stop smiling. He despised himself.

When Kakashi had finally left Iruka, properly. The night he came home with the box in his hands. He was broken. He needed a friend, someone who would comfort him without a veiled motive. Someone that would be completely unbiased to the situation and tell him the truth about whether what he had done was right or not.

Looking back now, Tenzou had never been more grateful that Iruka just happened to be an asshole. So that all the things he said about how Kakashi did the right thing were true and not just lies he had to tell to get his way.

_He should have stayed with Guy… He would have done what was right for him no matter what the situation. If Kakashi was in the wrong Guy wouldn’t be afraid to see it like I am. I can’t tell Senpai he’s wrong. I’ve never been able to. It’s just so lucky for me… that he was right._

He rolled on to his back, staring at the ceiling and actually finding himself wishing he was alone to be able to process everything properly. He could sneak away like he did the other night. Go and sit on in the window seat and cry about all the horrible things he had done like he had done so often since Kakashi moved in.

_No… Not tonight. Tonight is meant to be special… He told me he loved me. Even if he… if he doesn’t mean it just yet… He will mean it… It will probably be a while before he can give me everything… But I understand that… Frankly I deserve it… I feel lucky that Iruka hurt him and that’s the worst thought I’ve ever had. I felt blessed that he was hurting… because it meant that there was a chance for me. I’m the worst person in the world. I don’t even deserve his love at all… So… Even if he doesn’t quite mean it yet. It’s okay. I'll stay with him regardless. I've been waiting for him for far too long._

Kakashi was a very independent, solitary man and Tenzou had always looked up to him, emulating him in any way possible and hoping beyond hope that he could one day be as amazing at the great Sharingan Kakashi.

Frankly he was surprised to find that Kakashi had taken a lover at all, let alone another man. He had spent many nights alone with him when they were in the ANBU together and he had never even been given a small hint that the man was gay. Mission sex was a regular occurrence in the ANBU. The high stress situations often lead to the Shinobi fucking in their tents on the way home. It helped to relieve tension and was generally the most enjoyable thing about being in black ops.

He had never heard of Kakashi having mission sex. He had never been propositioned by him and he knew better than to offer.

He had on many, many occasions, indulged himself. He supposed he would have to disclose that information to Kakashi now, no matter how embarrassing it was for him. A willing, single, gay man in the the back ops was something of a gold mine. He was treated incredibly well by all his sexual partners but that didn’t stop the shame from filling him when he thought about how high his number was. He was an ANBU whore. Just one more tick on the growing list of reasons he hated his own guts.

He had never asked, but he was sure Kakashi’s number was much, much lower than his. Judging by the fact that Iruka was his first relationship and also the fact that he is incredibly insecure. He could probably count his partners on one hand.

There was never even a small whisper of Kakashi’s name amongst the ANBU men. It was strange that someone as lonely as himself had never succumbed to the temptation. 

_Maybe… he did it with the woman… I never even came close to being with an ANBU woman so I wouldn’t have heard the whispers… Perhaps he's not gay…_

He suddenly realised.

_I mean he definitely likes men. But maybe he’s bisexual. That would be kind of weird. I’ve never even seen a naked woman in real life. Will he want to talk about it? I don’t know how to talk about that…_

He blinked a few times and made himself a mental note to find out, not that it really mattered, as long as they were together. But he needed to know. It irked him somewhat that he had indulged so many times over the years and the Copy Ninja had not. It not only made him feel weak for needing the human contact but served to make himself feel inadequate for never being able to successfully make it with a woman. It wasn’t for lack of trying. Before he fully accepted the fact that they didn’t interest him in the slightest, he had tried his hardest to get one.

_Ugh… Anyway… That's not the point_

He thought to himself, mentally shaking his thoughts to try and return to his previous train. He felt like he knew Kakashi inside and out, but when he really stopped to think about it. His knowledge of the man was mainly unanswered questions.

He knew that his Mother had died when he was very young, of some sort of disease. She gave him a stuffed dog which he still cherished to this day. His father had killed himself soon after, on the day he became a Chunin. His friend Obito, died on his first mission as a Jonin and bestowed the Sharingan on him as a late graduation present. Rin, was killed by his hand at her request. But Kakashi still saw it as a tragic accident. He has nightmares about that night and presumably about his Father, although he had never confirmed that. He was devastated when Minato was killed and up until recently, he loved Iruka.

_Eight…. Eight things I know about him…_

He realised as he counted them out on his fingers.

_Five of those things are common knowledge…_

He turned to look at Kakashi again. He was so peaceful when he slept, if he wasn’t writhing around in the midst of some horrible nightmare.

_I suppose, I really should make an effort to get him talking and get to know him better. We talk all the time but… If I really think about it, nothing much is ever said. It’s all just normal conversation passed between 2 good friends. They’re not the sort of conversations lovers have._

He scolded himself, realising that they only officially became lovers a couple of hours ago. It wasn’t even morning yet.

_Maybe tomorrow he will open up more._


	2. Chapter 2

The early morning sun shone over the training grounds. The cool air felt fresh as he breathed it deep, even if it was filtered by his mask.

He smiled to himself as his canine hearing picked up the sounds of his Genin whispering. They weren’t all too subtle lately. The reason for his sudden interest in being on time was as mysterious to them as his face.

He loved keeping them guessing. It was a game to him now. Even with Tenzou waking him in wonderful ways every day, feeding him and making sure he was out the door on time. Sometimes he still liked to go and sit somewhere else and read before meeting his team. He couldn’t be on time every day. Just when they would get used to it he would throw a curve ball for his own amusement.

It had been just over 2 months since that night. The night he decided it was time to promise Tenzou what he couldn’t yet give. But time had slowly melted away any anxiety he had about the situation and eventually he had felt strong enough to move in to his new home properly, like he had promised he would.

Living with Tenzou as a partner instead of a burdening house guest had made him feel considerably more comfortable around him. Having his small amount of possessions within reach instead of across the village in his ex-lovers apartment had made him feel like he belonged there. He still felt guilty for taking advantage of Tenzou’s kindness. He felt he forced his way in to his life and left him in a position where he couldn’t refuse even if he had wanted to.

But they had both been pretty happy since that first day so… maybe it was all in his head. It had only taken a few days for Tsunade to track him down and tell him he had to return to normal duties after she had heard about their official coupling through village gossip. How Genma had found out they had no idea. By that time Tenzou had already returned to his duties as an ANBU captain. However he was yet to go away for more than one night. Kakashi wasn't sure how he would cope when he eventually did start going away on longer missions.

He stared at the training grounds longingly as they walked through them, wishing that they were stopping there like usual. He didn’t quite feel up to actually doing a mission today, even if it was a D rank. Morning sex had taken it out of him.

“Alright guys.” He said suddenly, turning to face them as they approached a river. “You know the drill right?” He asked, walking backwards so he could talk and face them at the same time. “Catch as many fish as you can or Konoha doesn’t get paid.” He paused, turning a glare on Naruto. “Seeing as _someeee_ people don’t quite get the concept of making sure the fish is left in a state suitable for consumption… _Naruto_. I promised that I would help, so that the fish monger actually gets a shipment this afternoon.” He drawled irritably.

He despised the water. If he had of known that he would be forced to actually help them this time he would have declined the mission. He wasn’t above telling Iruka where to shove it when handed a shitty mission for the 5th day in a row. While he himself had gone to great lengths to be polite with the Chunin no matter how much it hurt to have to stand in front of him. Iruka had been increasingly obvious with his displeasure at seeing Kakashi’s face in the mission’s room. He was even going so far as to be short with Naruto while Kakashi was present.

_Naruto can get on anyone’s nerves without trying but it’s not fair to take out his anger at me on the boy. He probably knows that and just doesn’t care. Hopefully he’s at least explained the rough situation to him._

He glanced back at Naruto. The boy was smiling. The Chunin’s small lecture on why we don’t interrupt people this morning didn’t really seem to affect him.

_Then again, people probably think the things they say don’t affect me._

He thought as he reached the shore. He sat on the bank, slipping his sandals off and taking his Icha Icha out of his pouch. If he was by himself he would read and fish at the same time. But he couldn’t trust Naruto not to crash tackle him in to the water. Better to leave it on the bank.

Apart from the initial whispering when he had arrived on time they were fairly quiet today. He was surprised that even Naruto and Sasuke hadn’t started bickering in his presence.

“What’s with you guys today?” He asked as he stood. He wasn’t sure why he was trying to sabotage himself. The silence was bliss.

“You’re being weird Sensei.” Naruto answered brashly.

_You’re one to talk._

He thought to himself. It took most of self-control to force the words back down his throat. Naruto couldn’t help who he was. He knew that feeling better than anyone.

“How so?” He asked casually, dipping a toe in to the water hesitantly before wading in up to his knees.

“You just don’t seem like yourself lately.” Sakura answered softly, following him in to the water. Kakashi ignored the statement. He had been happy of late, if that’s what they were referring to. But he didn’t feel like explaining that to a bunch of 12 year olds. He doubted they would understand.

“You’re on time a lot.” Sasuke chimed in. Kakashi turned to stare at the boy. He hadn’t expected him to contribute to this interrogation.

“Hmm.” He replied with his best attempt at a noncommittal noise. He turned his attention back on the river, lifting his headband to reveal the Sharingan. He would probably be scolded by several people later on for using so much chakra on a D rank. But he really couldn’t find it in himself to care at this moment.

_Can’t we just get this shit started so I can go home?_

“Kakashi Sensei?” Sakura asked again.

“Yeah?” He asked lazily, his iris’s twitching slightly from the amount of effort it took not to roll them at the sound of her voice.

“I’m glad you’re better Sensei. It was hard to see you sad” She smiled. Kakashi looked over at her, his uncovered eye wide.

“I wasn’t sad.” He snapped, the lie blatantly obvious. He immediately felt bad for wanting to roll his eyes at Sakura. She was sweet sometimes.

“I’m glad you’re happy again too Sensei.” Naruto said thoughtfully. “Even if Iruka Sensei is different now that you’re not friends anymore.”

_So he did notice…_

Kakashi ignored the statement, whipping a Kunai from his thigh holster and stabbing a passing fish through the gut. He lifted it from the water and tossed it across the shore. It landed perfectly in the basket they had put down there.

Sasuke eyed him suspiciously and Kakashi had the growing sense that maybe he was the only one of them that had actually guessed what had happened. He had after all, come to find Iruka in Kakashi’s apartment after midnight. He wondered a little self-consciously if he had shared that information with his team mates. He supposed not, then there would be questions about why he himself had arrived at Kakashi’s apartment after midnight.

“Get fishing.” He said quietly after another minute of silence. They had been staring at him, as if waiting for him to clarify why they weren't friends anymore and why he had anything to do with Iruka’s happiness. He wasn’t about to justify himself to them.

 

~

 

Tenzou rubbed at his neck absent-mindedly. The love bite Kakashi had left there earlier was stinging and he was absolutely sure it was visible, no matter how hard he had tried to cover it. The day was cool but way too hot to wear a scarf without arousing suspicion.

He growled to himself, pulling the collar of his civilian shirt up higher to try and conceal it. He had specifically asked Kakashi not to mark him. When the other man’s lips had started trailing down his neck he had pushed him away lightly, explaining that he had things to do today and his neck was going to be exposed. The glint in the Jonin’s eye had surprised him, but he found himself actually shrieking in surprise when his head was pushed roughly to the side and pearly teeth sunk in to his pulse point.

_Granted, it made for an explosive orgasm. But that’s not the point._

He grumbled in his mind.

_I specifically asked him not to do it and he did it anyway. I’m seriously going to have to talk with him about that. I mean I know he doesn’t have much experience with boundaries but that’s just not on._

He decided as he entered the library. He didn’t necessarily have anything important to do on one of his rare free days but he hated wearing his uniform when he didn’t have to. The ANBU uniform meant people looked at him with fearful eyes and he hated it. The regular Jonin uniform usually caused questioning looks to be thrown his way, especially when he was checking out architecture booked in the library. Because apparently Ninja’s aren’t allowed to have hobbies.

He felt strangely at ease in civilian clothes, and more anonymous then when he was wearing the porcelain cat mask. Right at this point in time however, he was feeling incredibly dirty. The dark bruise under his jaw was incredibly obvious and even though it was given to him by his partner during their monogamous love making he knew full well people weren’t aware of that and he found himself struggling with an overwhelming need to explain himself.

The lady behind the counter eyed him with contempt. His face heated involuntarily as he realised she was very openly judging him. Perhaps it would have been more practical to where his Jonin uniform. Not only would his neck be covered but if for some reason someone did see it, then he could simply explain it away as a ninja related accident.

He smiled weakly as he took the books from her. Maybe it was best to just go home. He had already ran most of his errands anyway.

Heading towards his apartment he started to wonder how to broach the subject with Kakashi. He had to say something. Asking him not to do something and having him do it anyway was on par with a toddler’s behaviour.

“If a toddler bit me he wouldn’t have made it out the door without a smack.” He muttered to himself. “There shouldn’t be an exception because he’s a grown man.”

He suddenly realised he was talking to himself. Ducking inside his building he practically ran up the stairs, using his earth style to simply walk through the wall instead of unlocking the door. He wondered if the Hokage would be mad if she knew that he abused his chakra like that when he was alone. He hadn’t done it in front of Kakashi yet. He would rather unlock the door than answer questions about his chakra usage.

_Then again, I’ve seen him use his Sharingan to learn sex acts from watching porn so… Perhaps he wouldn’t even ask._

He dumped the grocery bags he was carrying on the kitchen table and then slumped whole heartedly on to the comfy sofa in front of the TV. There was nothing cold in the bags that needed to be put away. Just the brand of instant ramen that Kakashi liked and some egg plants.

He opened one of the books he had just borrowed excitedly. He couldn’t wait to turn off his brain and read about something he enjoyed.

His brain however, was not cooperating.

After about 45 minutes of trying to relax he snapped the book shut in frustration. He put it down beside him and rubbed his face in his hands tiredly. The sting in his neck had been plucking at his last nerve for half an hour. He was embarrassed by the shaming look he received at the library. Sore from the love bite. Horrifyingly he realised it also made him incredibly horny and lastly he absolutely furious with Kakashi.

He was a little afraid that by the time his partner returned home he would be so angry he would tear him to shreds. But he couldn’t do that. Things had been going really well lately. Kakashi hadn’t mentioned Iruka in months. Up until this morning he had no qualms about his decision to let him share his life. It was after all, everything he had ever wanted. He was incredibly happy and he wouldn’t let himself ruin it by ripping Kakashi to pieces over something he had likely forgotten the second he left the apartment.

His resentment lessened when he forced himself to try and see it from the other man’s point of _view._

_Maybe he thought I was playing… I didn’t exactly tell him off… I just came. It wasn’t until later that I realised I was annoyed about it. Perhaps he didn’t realise what I meant and was just trying to show me he loved me._

He sighed softly, feeling guilty for doubting his lover so quickly. Even if he did know what he was doing, he could hardly be tried for his crimes. He was different to other people. Something that Tenzou himself had picked up on the moment they met.

Kakashi was the most socially awkward person he had ever met. Possibly the biggest social reject in the village. Most people tended to shy away from him and the ones that didn’t, he himself shied away from. He wasn’t good at normal conversations. He wasn’t sure how to stand when he hung around other people. He didn’t know what to do when someone offered him a drink. He didn’t really even understand how to just be around other people without using porn as a buffer…

These were all things that Tenzou had inadvertently come to know after they went public with their relationship. If you could call telling the other Jonin’s going public.

_If Genma’s involved you can. How did he even find out?_

He thought bitterly, rolling his eyes and turning back to his previous train of thought. He knew Kakashi wasn’t exactly a social butterfly, but it broke his heart a little to see how deficient his social skills really were.

He sometimes wondered if Kakashi actually had any friends at all before Iruka. Besides Guy who, if you asked Tenzou, was bad for your heart.

_He means well but I’ve never met anyone so loud. I would hate to be stuck with him in a small space for a long period of time._

He thought absurdly. He let his mind wander for a bit longer before returning to his worries about Kakashi. He would definitely have to have a talk with him when he got home.

 

~

 

As Kakashi stepped through the front door of the apartment he could tell immediately that something was off. He had no idea what had given him the warning, he just knew. He slipped his sandals off in 2 quick motions and made his way to the bedroom. He could tell Tenzou was home, he could feel his charka. He pulled off his headband as he entered the bedroom, his heart racing as he made eye contact with his weary looking lover.

“What’s wrong?” He asked before he could stop himself. He hadn’t felt anxious in a little while. The happiness was coming back to bite him on the ass as the fretfulness hit him full force. Tenzou raised an eyebrow at the alarm lacing Kakashi’s voice. He hadn’t meant to cause panic. He petted the bed bedside him and his lover sat obediently, waiting to be told off for whatever he had done wrong. The fact that Tenzou hadn’t answered him yet spoke volumes about how he was feeling at that moment.

“Can we talk?” He asked quietly, lolling his head lazily to the right to gaze in to the Sharingan. Kakashi nodded, looking away purposefully, his head was down, his hands in his lap as they both leaned against the wall, legs crossed. “This morning…” Tenzou started, not sure how to bring it up. This was the first time that he had, had a reason to scold Kakashi in their short relationship.

Kakashi waited patiently, his heart hammering. This was it. He just knew it. He had allowed himself to be happy and now it was ending. He had let his guard down and now he was being punished. Tenzou was going to leave him.

“I asked you not to mark me.” The ANBU said finally, deciding that the best course of action was to be straight forward. Kakashi’s head sprung up in surprise. His quizzical look was laughable. “You did it anyway.” He said after a few seconds of stunned silence. “That wasn’t right. I had shit to do today and I didn't get it finished because everywhere I went people were staring at me” he pointed to the bite mark on his neck before letting his hand drop back to his lap.

“I’m sorry.” Kakashi said quickly, looking away again. “I’m really sorry.”

Tenzou watched him apprehensively. He seemed nervous. He started to feel bad about chiding him. He could tell from the way the words flew from the other man’s lips that he was upset.

“It’s okay…” He found himself saying.

_That’s not what I wanted to say, what the fuck? I’ve been fuming all day, he says he’s sorry and it’s all fucking okay?_

He huffed to himself, rolling his eyes at his own gullibility.

“I’m really sorry.” Kakashi repeated, less than a whisper. Yamato stared at him, watching as the small blush brushing the stop of his mask spread to his ears. Something occurred to him suddenly and he couldn’t fight the urge to question it.

“Why are you wearing the mask?” He asked gently. His sarcastic eyes softening with genuine concern. Kakashi hadn’t worn the mask at home since the first week of their relationship. But he had seen him with it on so often over the years that at first it didn’t strike it as odd at all that he was wearing it now.

“I just… didn’t think to take it off.” Kakashi lied, averting the other man’s gaze. Tenzou smiled, buying the lie and reaching up towards the top of the fabric. Kakashi flinched away slightly and he dropped his hand back in to his lap with a sigh.

“Why are you wearing the mask?” He asked again, determined to get a proper answer this time. Kakashi shrugged. “Fine.” Tenzou sighed again, too tired to actually argue with the man.

The Jonin kept his gaze firmly in the opposite direction of his partner. His head down so his hair shadowed his eyes. The brunette stood, fatigued from this game of 20 questions.

“I’m going to order in tonight I think.” He said as he made to leave the bedroom. Kakashi turned his face in the other direction as Tenzou passed, an effort to keep his face shielded.

Tenzou stopped, his unwillingness to let Kakashi continue to wallow in self-pity outweighed the urge to distance himself from the situation. He turned, a frown stretching across his features as he forced himself to exhale.

“Seriously.” He started, pausing for effect. “What’s wrong?”

Kakashi finally looked up, meeting his lover’s gaze with watery eyes. The reluctance in the question was clearly evident to him and he felt his heart start to tighten at the thought of being a burden once again.

“I’m sorry.” He said simply, a single tear falling from his right eye. His hand shot up to wipe it away. “I didn’t mean to piss you off. I don’t want you to be mad at me but I don’t know how to take it back.”

“Just tell me why you did it.” Tenzou said softly, moving towards him again and sitting on the edge of the bed. His resolve fell the instant he saw tears. He hated being the source of Kakashi’s pain.

Silver hair bounced as the man shrugged. “I just… wanted to.” He answered honestly. The rest of the sentence held back by his teeth biting down on his tongue.

A dark eyebrow raised as the other man questioned him with his expression?

“That’s the only reason?” He asked sceptically, knowing there was more but not wanting to push too hard. Kakashi was vulnerable at this moment.

“I like marking you.” He mumbled.

“What was that?” Tenzou asked.

“I like marking you.” He repeated, louder.

“Why?” The ANBU pressed. Kakashi shrugged again, turning his face away.

“Because then people know you’re taken.” 

Tenzou stared at him for a moment, not sure how to reply to that. He had assumed it was something like that. It wasn't out of a blatant disregard for his own feelings. It was a product of the neglect he had experienced in his previous relationship. He exhaled slowly once more, moving closer to the other man and wrapping his arms around him. He pulled him away from the wall so his side was resting on his chest. He stroked a hand through his hair before wiping it away from his forehead and kissing it lightly.

“Even if people don’t know I'm taken, they don't need to.” He said softly, directly in to Kakashi’s ear. “Because I know I'm taken and that's what matters.” He finished, pulling down the mask covering his partners face to reveal a pouty bottom lip. He chuckled at the sight, bringing his hand to his chin and tilting his head upwards so he could brush his own lips against them. He closed his eyes, slipping a tongue carefully in to the heat of his lovers mouth, his hand tightening on his side as a small keening noise escaped Kakashi’s throat.

“Do you have anywhere important to go tomorrow?”  Kakashi asked, breaking away from the kiss to lock lust filled eyes with his.

“Yes.” Tenzou said sternly, a small smile quirking his lips. His partner visibly deflated, he struggled in the tight grip for a second before he was pulled back to continue the kiss. “But I'll be wearing my uniform, so you can mark me wherever you like.” He whispered, the amusement evident in his voice. Kakashi’s lopsided grin made his heart skip a beat. It made him feel proud to be one of the only people in the world who had the honour of seeing it every day. It was a privilege he wouldn't squander lightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the warnings for the next chapter. I appreciate every Kudos and comment more than you guys could know! Thank you so much.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains what I as the author consider to be dubious consent for sexual acts in flash back form. If you are upset or offended by such things please don't read it. You can skip the chapter without it effecting the story too much. This chapter delves in to Kakashi's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry KakaYama shippers but there is KakaIru in this chapter in flash back form.

Kakashi watched Tenzou sleep peacefully through half lidded eyes. He was exhausted from the day he had had. Morning sex, then actually helping the Genin work, a huge dinner and then sex before bed. He should be sleeping but the guilt niggling at the edge of his mind wouldn’t allow it.

He rolled on to his back to begin this nightly ritual of staring at the ceiling and thinking about everything he had done wrong in his life. He frowned as he realised that his mind wouldn’t even let him do that.

He had been pushing the guilt away since their conversation this afternoon but he soon realised that if he was ever going to sleep he was going to need to go through the process of accepting it.

He turned his head slightly to eye his sleeping lover once more. His lips trembled as he thought about how truly lucky he was to have him. Not only had he forgiven him for this morning’s transgression but he had deemed him worthy of sex again this afternoon, _after_ he had fucked up.

Kakashi had been extremely gentle, only touching where he felt he was allowed to and not daring to mark him at all, even though he was given permission. He didn’t want to risk upsetting Tenzou again. Those kind eyes looking at his with stern displeasure had made him feel disgusted with himself.

Guilt washed over him in kind as he realised the real reason he was feeling it. They had been together for over 2 months now and in that time Kakashi had only allowed himself to be the Uke once.

He winced as he remembered Tenzou’s hopeful question and the small look of disappointment flickering over his features before he smiled kindly and said it was fine. Secretly Kakashi wished he would stop asking, but he knew eventually he would have to bite the bullet and do it again.

He had enjoyed it that first time, on the kitchen table. He thought about it often, almost working up the courage to suggest they do it again before being reminded of the pain he had endured the next day and talking himself out of it. As much as he had enjoyed it, he wished that it hadn’t happened. It had planted seeds of hope in Tenzou’s mind that he desperately wanted to take back.

Tenzou always stated it didn’t matter, even though he had asked. He liked being bottom, but Kakashi supposed it would be nice to change it up every now and then. When he had mentioned his ANBU past at the beginning of the relationship Kakashi was surprised to hear that Tenzou wasn’t often the bottom in those relationships. If you could call them that. Despite being quite small as the youngest squad captain he was often the man people went to when they needed to be fucked.

Kakashi shook his head. He didn’t like thinking about his partner’s previous hook ups.

His mind wandered wearily onwards and he found himself reminiscing about things he didn’t want to remember. The reason for his aversion to being the Uke was evident in his mind, although he didn’t want to admit it and he was absolutely sure he would never tell Tenzou. He thought that maybe on some level he had already guessed the reason, but being the wonderfully considerate person he is, he would never ask.

He openly hated Iruka for ruining what he now knew could be a pleasant and enjoyable part of lovemaking. He hadn’t said anything at the time, but he was incredibly uneasy when he first felt Tenzou’s slicked finger press against his entrance. In the past that feeling had been accompanied by severe pain and feelings of worthlessness. But Tenzou had made it feel amazing. He didn’t understand why Iruka hadn’t afforded him the same courtesy.

~

He smiled wearily. He had known this day was coming, but he wasn’t sure he was quite prepared for it. Iruka’s soft hands caressed his own and tugged on it lightly. His body tensed as he was pulled towards the bed.

His heart hammered in his chest. He was too proud to admit it out loud, but he was terrified. He gulped audibly as he was laid down and his pants removed. Gentle, caring hands made their way down his taut stomach until they were scolding his skin, lingering inches from his erection.

“Relax.” Iruka whispered, leaning down to lick his shaft from base to tip. He quivered in anticipation. The teasing was appreciated, because it took his mind away from what he knew was coming. He had been a Seme enough times to know exactly what was going to happen next.

_Easy for him to say._

He thought bitterly, anxiety making it hard to breath as his mind sifted through every small detail of what was to come.

He gasped as a smooth, wet finger touched his entrance gingerly. His body going ridged on its own accord. No one had ever touched him there before. He swallowed hard before taking in a shaky breath and exhaling slowly. His muscles started to relax under furrowed brows.

A strangled cry escaped him as the finger pushed inside. It didn’t hurt as much as he had expected it to but his body was trying expel the intruder. His muscles clamped like vices around the digit and he heard Iruka huff slightly.

His heart sank as he realised this wasn’t going to end well. He needed to relax and now, or it was going to get a lot more painful, quickly.

He forced himself to think of other things as the Chunin started to work him open. His mind reeled with incredibly mundane thoughts as a second finger joined the first. Kakashi grunted slightly, the stretching stinging him.

Iruka shushed him kindly, moving his free hand towards the Jonin’s abandoned cock and stroking it in time with his fingers. He felt himself starting to grow hard again under the touch. He had gone limp without realising during the initial penetration.

“Shhhh.” Iruka cooed lightly as Kakashi began to moan softly. Sparks of pleasure mixed with the pain and he was surprised to find it turned him on.

He smiled, opening his mouth to tell his lover that he liked it. His words were cut off before he could begin them as a third finger slipped in before he was ready. He groaned, pain overriding the pleasure as he was stretched to what he was sure was his limit. His fists clenched in the sheets, his breath stuttering as he tried to breath normally.

“I can’t…” He started.

“You can.” Iruka insisted, leaning down to kiss him passionately. He swallowed Kakashi’s grunts, his tongue pushing deeper than it should have, almost choking him as persistent fingers tried to work through incredibly tense muscles.

“I don’t…”

“Shhhh.” Iruka repeated, pushing further inside his body.

Kakashi snivelled. He wanted to say no, to push the other man away. He had had enough for the day. Maybe if they had another go at it the next day it wouldn’t be so bad. It might start to feel good again. He opened his eyes, pleading mismatched orbs locked with dark brown pools and he felt himself grow weak. He couldn’t disappoint his boyfriend. The man had saved him from the constant loneliness that had threatened to overtake his existence. He owed him. He couldn’t stop now, not when he was so close to giving him what he wanted. He forced himself to smile, wiping the pain from his face the same way he did when he was in battle with an enemy Shinobi.

He was overly aware that he could easily push the Chunin away, overpower him without hurting him and leave the situation before he pushed it too far. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. The brown eyes sparkled and his resolve fell. He had to do this. If he didn’t get it over with now, he never would and Iruka might leave him. He couldn’t be alone again, not now that he knew what his other options were.

His breath was stuttering as the fingers inside him twisted and scissored in a futile effort to make what was to come more enjoyable for him. He turned his head to the right to stare at the wall next to him. His fake smile faltered slightly before he gritted his teeth and forced it back in place. He slipped his eyes closed again, lips twitching as he heard his lover sigh.

“We don't have to do this Kakashi.” He said softly, withdrawing his fingers and resting his hand on his own thighs. Kakashi exhaled slowly, relief filling him as the pain started to ebb away. He opened his eyes slowly, turning to meet the gaze of his frustrated boyfriend. He felt his heart stand still as he register the disappointment shining clearly in the other’s eyes. His chest tightened. He felt like crying. He hadn't felt a need for approval this strong since his father was alive. He had given up on trying not to disappoint people since Minato’s death. But for some reason he was terrified of disappointing Iruka. His fear of solitude had been consuming since they had started dating. He assumed it was because before he didn’t know what he was missing. Now, if Iruka were to leave him, he was sure he would never be alright again.

“Let's do it.” He heard himself say softly. Need for approval overpowering self-worth. “I can take it.”

Iruka’s face lit up, his smile bright like the sun as he stood to undress himself. Kakashi gulped again, hand fisting in the sheets once more as he braced himself. Gentle hands caressed his sides lightly as he was encouraged to sit up. He winced, exhaling sharply at the pain in his buttocks as he was pulled up by the hand. His shirt was removed and there was some fussing around behind him before his vision was slowly coaxed away from the wall by soft hands on his cheeks.

“I love you.” Iruka whispered, leaning down to steel a kiss from reluctant lips before turning him around roughly. He was pushed down on top of a pillow following the length of torso. His head resting on the mattress. Hands on his hips forced him to grind himself on the pillow under him and he felt himself grow hard again with the friction. Small mewls escaped his lips as pre-cum stained the white fabric.

He was reminded of his teenage years. Before he had truly understood what masturbation was, he had often rutted himself to climax on top of his favourite pillow, until one day he had stumbled across a stray copy of Jiraiya’s book and learned about the wonders of stroking himself by hand.

He was pulled roughly back to the present by the cold sting of lube being applied to his abused hole. He hissed, jutting forwards away from the hand before he realised he was meant to be enjoying this. He forced himself to rub against the starchy fabric of the pillowcase. The material swiping against his swollen tip making it hard to breath. Feelings of hope ignited in the back of his mind and he rutted forward more enthusiastically.

_Maybe I will enjoy this…_

All hopes were dashed as the large head of Iruka’s penis was pushed roughly inside him without warning. He cried out, muscles tensing as involuntary tears pricked his eyes. He tried to maintain steady breathing as pain radiated through his ass and lower back. A hand rested heavily on his shoulder as his lovers cock was full sheathed. There was a mere seconds pause where something akin to a whimper fell from Kakashi’s tongue before Iruka thrust forward, setting his brutal pace for their coupling.

“So tight.” Iruka whispered, throwing is head back and groaning loudly.

Kakashi was shaking, he was aware of that as the lengthy cock burned his insides with every strong thrust. His hands curled under his chest, clenching the pillow tightly as he pressed his face hard in to the mattress. The pillow-top under him absorbing the tears he was straining to hold back.

His head felt light as dizziness started to cloud his mind. His quiet hyperventilating pushing him to the point of almost passing out before he managed to grapple with his self-control enough to regulate his breath.

Iruka’s pace started to falter and he clung to the thread of hope that it was nearly over like it was his lifeline in stormy waters. Humiliation burned through him as his body began to react positively to the pain. He supposed he should be happy that the friction from the pillow under him was enough to get him by. He should be happy that he was going to have an orgasm, regardless of how much he hated what was happening at this moment.

He didn’t understand the inner workings of the human body but he was sure that it was not natural to experience a climax while he was in so much pain. He didn’t want to cum. He wanted to let it be known that he hated this. Aside from saying it out loud, which he knew he would never do, not finishing was the only other way he could think of to do that.

He trembled through his release. Although he felt cum pooling between himself and the pillow, what he experienced could hardly be called an orgasm.

_At least I feel more relaxed._

He thought bitterly.

“Good boy.” Iruka murmured in his ear before grunting out his own pleasure.

Hot cum stung his insides. He writhed uncomfortably as Iruka slumped down on top of him. His mind was screaming for him to pull out and roll of him but he was silent. He waited for what felt like a decade before his partner finally pushed off him and rolled on to his side, eyes closed and looking sated.

Kakashi waited, not wanting to look too eager to wash away the semen running down his legs and smearing his thighs. He shifted stiffly on to his side so he was facing Iruka. He was sure he was bleeding and didn’t want the Chunin to see. He didn’t need to know how weak he was.

Finally Iruka’s breathing became shallow and small snores started erupting from the pleasant smile on his lips. Kakashi felt disappointment wash over him again as he forced himself to sit up, pulling at the edge of the mattress to help the process. It had taken a lot out of him to do that for Iruka. A ‘good boy’ was hardly the same as a ‘thank you’ or a ‘you did well’.

He limped silently in to the small bathroom and locked the door behind himself. He turned the hot tap on the shower on as far as it would go before stepping in and leaning against the shower wall. He slid down it until he was sitting under the scolding water with his knees against his chest. He closed his eyes, revelling in the feeling of his skin burning under scorching water.

He deserved this. He would do better next time.

~

“Kakashi.” Tenzou whispered, pulling the other man close. “Kakashi, it’s alright.” He cooed, brushing his nose in his hair before kissing him lightly on the top of the head. His lovers thrashing had ripped him from his peaceful dreams and left him to blink in confusion for a few seconds before he realised he was having a nightmare. He rocked him gently, his eyes fluttering closed as he fought the urge to return to sleep before his partner felt safe. “It’s alright.” He repeated, his grip loosening as he felt tense muscles relax slightly. A hand snaked upwards and clung to his chest. Kakashi was awake now, his own heavy lidded eyes blinking lazily at him from under his chin. “It’s alright.” Tenzou breathed once more, smiling to himself as he felt a nose nuzzle against his chest accompanied by a small keening sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every Kudos and comment I receive more than you could know. Thank you all so much for your support.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma you lovable scamp

“Good morning.” Kakashi whispered softly. He sighed heavily, his breath rustling Mr Ukki’s leaves.

“Good morning.” Tenzou replied, wrapping warm arms around Kakashi’s front and leaning down to kiss his neck. Kakashi blushed slightly. He had been talking to the plant. He leaned in to his partners touch, resting his head back on a firm abdomen. He had been awake for hours now, sitting on a kitchen chair and staring out the window. Until the first rays of sunlight had started to peak over the top of the Hokage monument, he had been lost in his thoughts.

“How did you sleep?” Kakashi asked, absently, his gaze still fixed outside the window. He felt Tenzou shrug before he answered.

“Alright.” He lied. “It would have been nicer if you slept with me.” He commented, pulling away to start a pot of coffee.

“I did.” The Jonin pouted, turning his eyes on his partner.

“I meant for the whole night.” Tenzou chuckled, leaning against the counter to wait for the coffee maker to do its thing. Kakashi ignored the statement, sitting forward again and reaching out to touch his plant’s leaves.

Tenzou couldn’t help but think how adorable he looked at this moment. He had one foot drawn up on to the chair while the other rested against the chair like normal. He was almost childlike in his apparent fascination with the shrub in front of him.

“Nightmares again?” He asked, feeling slightly awkward talking to the back of a silver head. Kakashi shrugged, mimicking Tenzou’s earlier nonchalance.

“Just couldn’t sleep.” He answered finally, trailing his index finger along the edge of the pot plant before dropping his hand down to connect with the other around his ankle. Dreaming about Iruka could hardly be considered unusual, considering he fell asleep thinking about the way he had treated him. But he still wasn’t about to admit that to Tenzou. He didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. He supposed that if he were to explain it wrong, as he so often did, it could be considered having a sex dream about his ex. That was the last thing he wanted. So he opted to keep his mouth shut. He was too worried about the very real possibility that he would confuse the situation with his explanation and fuck everything up.

He wondered how long he had been silent as a steaming mug of coffee was placed down on the window sill in front of him. A chair had been dragged up next to him and Tenzou sat, sprawling lazily against the back of it, sipping away at his scolding beverage.

“Thank you.” He said quietly, taking the cup in his hands and letting the warmth flow through them. He rose the mug to his mouth, hovering it there and letting the steam flow over his face as he inhaled deeply.

_No… I don’t want to fuck this up._

 

~

 

Iruka’s eyes strained hard as he forced them to focus on the paperwork in front of him. He knew team 7 was in line for their mission of the day and it took everything he had to not look up. He could hear Naruto complaining loudly about the ranking of the missions he had been giving them and it irked him that he could not hear Kakashi’s soothing voice defending his mission choices like he used to.

He knew without looking that the man in question had his face buried inside the covers of a little orange book. He could hear the slight hum of a small noncommittal noise emanate from his throat every now and then.

He knew he didn't deserve to hear Kakashi defend him. But as much as he hated to admit it he had not quite gotten over the hurt Kakashi leaving him had caused. Although loneliness wasn't his constant companion he missed the presence that was inherently Kakashi. No amount of meaningless sex with a woman he didn’t love could replicate the way it had felt to hold Kakashi in his arms. To know that the Copy Ninja had chosen him to be his partner. He still wasn’t entirely sure why he had let things go this way.

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and rubbing at his aching temples. He deserved everything that he was feeling at that moment. He had hurt Kakashi deeply. No matter how much it hurt to see him flaunting his new relationship he knew that it was nothing compared to what Kakashi had felt after his betrayal. He had essentially contracted a heart condition due to his insolence.

He was dying to ask about that. To find out how exactly he was going. But he knew it wasn't his place. He had caused it after all. He doubted that Kakashi would take kindly to being asked personal information by the person who had hurt him. Let alone being asked such things in front of his Genin.

“Iruka Senseiiiii?” A shrill voice cut through his contemplation like a knife through butter. He smiled weakly, looking up from his paperwork in to the wide eyes of his favourite pupil.

“Naruto.” He said simply, locking his gaze and waiting for the barrage of questions to continue.

“Why is everyone so tired today?” He asked a little too loudly.

“Everyone?” Iruka asked, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Yeah. Kakashi Sensei is tired too.” The boy announced much to Kakashi’s dismay.

“Yeah and I asked you to be quiet didn't I? You’re giving me a headache.” Kakashi snapped defensively. Iruka stifled a laugh. He knew the man well enough to catch on when he was embarrassed.

“There's nothing to be embarrassed about Kakashi.” He said with a sneer. Kakashi glared at him as best he could with only one visible eye.

“What's our mission?” He spat with more malice than he intended. Iruka leaned back slightly. Naruto’s eyes were wide, staring between them like he was watching an intense sport. Kakashi Sensei had never been rude to Iruka Sensei in his presence before. He knew they weren't friends anymore but it seemed unnecessary. Iruka was just being polite.

Kakashi grimaced at his behaviour. Naruto was too naïve to understand sarcasm. To him it must look as though he had verbally attacked Iruka out of the blue.

“Your mission is an escort job.” Iruka stated blandly, a barely contained glare edging towards Kakashi.

“Seriously?” Kakashi asked, stepping forward slightly. “That's the third one this week.”

“If you have a problem with the missions assigned to your team you need to take it up with the Hokage.” The Chunin growled, springing to his feet and slamming his palms down on the desk.

“Woahhhh you two! Calm down!” Raidou was between them in an instant. The Special Jonin had been watching disinterestedly from behind Genma’s desk. A hand on Kakashi’s chest brought him back down to earth.

“Don't, tell me to calm down.” He spat, taking a step backwards and swiping the hand away.

“Kakashi.” Raidou said pleadingly, his eyes trailing down towards the frightened looking Genin.

“We’re going on a C rank today.” The Copy Ninja stated calmly, stepping forward again to whip a scroll off the desk next to Iruka’s palm. “Let's go team.” He growled, turning on his heel and stalking out in to the corridor. “Now!” He shouted when he realised they weren't following him.

“The fuck was that about?” Genma asked from across the room. Iruka and Raidou turned to face him, their brows furrowed in confusion.

“I thought you two were good?” Raidou asked, turning to face Iruka once more. The Chunin shrugged lightly.

“So did I.”

 

~

 

 

"Tenzouuuu!" A singsong voice called his name and he fought hard against the urge to roll his eyes and sigh aloud.

_Genma_

“Hi.” He said simply before turning on his heel and trying to make a hasty retreat. He had nearly made it all the way through his grocery list before suddenly finding himself cornered by a…

_Is Genma my friend?_

“Party tonight! Jonin only!” Genma announced, grabbing his arm and holding him in place long enough for him to catch the insinuation in his eyebrow wiggle. The ANBU exhaled sharply through his nose as he threw a tight-lipped smile in the Special Jonin’s direction.

_Fuck that…_

After an awkward moment of silence Tenzou realised that was the only invitation he was going to get and he was now supposed to respond.

“Cool.” He said, his mind failing to think of an excuse for why he couldn’t go.

“So you comin’? My place, 7:30.”

Tenzou stared. He felt like someone was running around inside his head tearing books off the shelf labelled ‘reasons’ and chucking them widely in to a bin labelled ‘excuses’ but he couldn’t understand any of them.

“Maybe.” He said tactfully, leaving the option of not going opened.

Genma gave him an exasperated look.

“Come on! You never come to my parties. They are fun I swear.”

“I’m sure they are.” The brunette answered without blinking.

“You should bring Kakashi too. He seems tense. Needs to lighten up.” He added quietly.

“What do you mean tense?”

“He had a bit of a faceoff with Iruka in the mission’s room this morning.” Genma answered matter of factly. Tenzou felt his jaw tighten at the name. “Not sure what started it but he ended it but storming out.”

“I see.” The wood user replied tersely. “I’ll ask him. But he’s not really one for parties.” He said as politely as possible. While his mouth was moving his brain was cataloguing the information he had just received and storing it in the ‘ask about later’ folder.

“Anyway. See you tonight.” Genma said with a wave.

“Yeah.” Tenzou answered uncertainly, his gaze following the retreating man out on to the street.

_What have I done…?_

~

 

Kakashi sneezed loudly, the force of it pushing him forward before he slumped back in to the couch he was leaning on. He wiped his nose absently, letting himself slide down the back of the chair until he was lying on his side. He pulled his legs up on to the sofa and stretched languidly.

_Probably Iruka laughing at me._

He thought as he stared unblinking at the TV. As it turns out, the ‘C Rank’ Mission he had swiped off Iruka’s desk wasn’t actually a mission at all. It was a barely legible shopping list. He didn’t miss Iruka’s handwriting.

Naruto had been heartbroken when Kakashi announced that the C rank he had promised had been cancelled. He had abruptly dismissed them, telling them to enjoy their day off because the training they were going to do the next day would destroy them. He then retreated home to sulk about his own stupidity.

He wasn’t sure where Tenzou was, but he hadn’t been home all day. Kakashi was sure he had mentioned something about having the day off. He was probably training.

The girl on the TV wouldn’t be quiet about the fact that the chop sticks she was holding really were slip proof. If he wanted he could order them for 6 easy payments of $14.99.

He considered it. The new 2.0 gripping system did look like something that would make his life a little bit easier. Although he didn’t have nearly as much trouble as the woman on the ad.

Kakashi jumped slightly as he felt strong chakra signature come in range of his own. He titled his head, looking up in time to see an embarrassed looking Tenzou disengaging himself from the wall.

Kakashi smirked. His boyfriend knew he had been caught and it delighted him to no end.

“Do that often?” He asked, turning his attention back to the TV.

“What are you doing here?” Tenzou asked curtly, walking passed him to dump the things he had in his arms on the counter. Kakashi shrugged, his attention fixed firmly on the chop sticks.

_If I order now I can get a second pair free._

He thought, his hand edging dangerously close to his wallet.

“Don’t shrug at me and you don’t need new chop sticks.” Tenzou said firmly, switching off the TV with the push of a button and standing, arms crossed in front of him.

“Tenzouuuu.” Kakashi whined, reaching for the remote on the coffee table. The brunette leaned forward, tapping the remote slightly out of Kakashi’s reach. A small smile crossed his features as he watched The Great Copy Ninja struggle for a moment before giving up.

“I asked you what you’re doing here.” He repeated, moving around the table to straddle Kakashi’s lap.

“What are you-” He started to ask before gasping in surprise as a hand palmed him firmly through his uniform pants.

“Answer my question.” Tenzou whispered, leaning down to bite him lightly on the jaw. Kakashi moaned his hips jutting upwards. He was hard almost instantly.

“I gave the Genin th-e day o-off…” He groaned, turning his head to the right and panting hard as his lover nibbled on his neck.

“Why?” He was asked. The question was punctuated with a thrust, their clothed erections grinding together roughly.

“Because I… ugh…. I accidentally took a shopping list instead of a mission.” Kakashi answered honestly, figuring his partner would find out through village gossip anyway. Tenzou pushed off him, his hands resting on his chest as he stared blankly for a second. Kakashi mourned the loss of contact as his lover processed what he had said.

“What?” He asked softly, his lips trembling.

“I took Iruka’s shopping list. I stormed out with it before I realised.” He grumbled. “I can never go back there…” He added as an afterthought. There was another second of silence before Tenzou broke out in uncontrollable laughter. He removed his hands from Kakashi’s chest, holding his stomach tightly with both arms. The Jonin under him glared. With a harsh buck of his hips Tenzou found himself on the floor. It was a miracle he hadn’t axed himself on the coffee table. Inhuman sounds continued to fall from his lips as he snorted at Kakashi’s misfortune.

“I hate you.” Kakashi growled, folding his arms and staring intently at the back of the couch.

“I’m…. I’m s-sorry!” Tenzou cackled, tears streaming down his face. “Oh my God.” He said slowly, pulling himself in to a sitting position and wiping at his tears. “That’s golden.” He grinned, his eyes half lidded as he continued to chuckle wildly.

“You’re supposed to be on **_my_** side…” Kakashi said to the couch, ignoring Tenzou’s muffled apologies.

“I am.” His lover laughed, reaching out to pet his face. “But seriously… Kakashi look at me.” He ordered. The silver haired man turned his face slowly, his eyes locking with his partners. “That’s hilarious.” Tenzou said seriously before dissolving back in to incoherent sounds of hilarity.

Kakashi pushed him away roughly, his face burning as he sat up. He channelled his inner puppy, making sure his eyes were as wide and watery as they could be before looking back at his lover. Tenzou stopped laughing abruptly, a small sigh falling from his lips before he moved back on to the seat.

“I’m sorry.” He said confidently, brushing the hair from Kakashi’s eyes as he leaned in to kiss him.

“You think I’m an idiot just like everyone else.” The Jonin said quietly, his eyes focusing on his hands in his own lap.

“No. I don’t think you’re an idiot at all. That’s why it’s funny.” Tenzou explained. “If some random dumb person did that it would just be another day for them…” He giggled. Kakashi’s iris’s disappear briefly in to his skull and then reappear looking thoroughly annoyed.

“It was an accident.” He complained.

“I know. Come on let’s just forget that happened.” Tenzou sighed, the hand on Kakashi’s shoulder slipping down underneath his pants. Kakashi gasped again, pushing forward as his head fell on to his lover’s shoulder.

“Yes.” He breathed, his own hands running down the other’s back and cupping his buttocks firmly.

Tenzou moaned, his breath ghosting over the shell of Kakashi’s ear as he pumped the other man slowly. He pushed him away standing to remove his clothing before kneeling on the sofa impatiently. His forearms resting on the back as he leaned against it. Kakashi’s pants were off in an instant and he was rooting around in the coffee table noisily.

The interruption of their previous ministrations had made them both desperate. Kakashi’s cock throbbed painfully as he forced himself to settle down on the small table, lathering his fingers in lube before pushing 2 of them straight in to Tenzou. He cried out, struggling to relax at the larger than anticipated intrusion. It only took a minute for him to adjust before he was rocking backwards, begging for the third finger. Kakashi obliged happily, using his left hand to spread lube on his aching erection before slipping it in front of his boyfriend and pulling him hard.

“Fuck… Kashi…” Tenzou panted. “Please… now.” He pleaded, grinding his own erection in to the rough fabric of the sofa as Kakashi’s hand retreated. The urgency in his voice didn’t escape the other man’s ears.

He was shaking, his heart pounding as his self-control wavered. His tip probed gently at the entrance in front of him and shut his eyes tight, gathering his thoughts to prevent from fully sheathing himself in Tenzou’s hastily prepared body.

The only sound in the apartment was the heavy panting emanating from both men.

“Kashi.” Yamato begged, pushing back slightly, his body engulfing Kakashi’s swollen tip hungrily. A strangled sound came from the Copy Ninja’s throat as he slowly pushed in the rest of the way. He stopped when Tenzou’s cheeks connected with his abdomen. He breathed open mouthed as he struggled to take in the beauty in front of him.

“You’re so sexy.” Kakashi whispered, leaning forward to wrap his arms around the other man’s front in a makeshift hug. “Please don’t leave me.” He exhaled before pulling away, his cock almost fully leaving him before he thrust back in roughly.

Tenzou’s eyes had flicked to the side at Kakashi’s words. He was about to ask what he had meant but then his lover had made him see stars. He groaned loudly, gripping the couch so hard his knuckles went white.

The Jonin closed his eyes once more, thoughts of establishing a rhythm lost as he realised he wouldn’t last long in this position. He angled his hips, thrusting hard in to the other man’s prostate and moaning low in his throat as he felt his partner spasm under him.

Tenzou ground himself hard in to the chair, trying desperately to time his own thrusts with Kakashi’s.

“I’m gunna cum.” He growled, his head falling forwards, cum spattering the fabric under him as he rode out his orgasm. “Fuck Kakashi, fuck!” He ground out, feeling the other man start to falter as he approached his own release.

“Tenzou.” Kakashi whispered, lunging forwards to once again wrap his arms around the other man’s front. His cheek resting on a tanned back as he breathed heavily, thrusting with the small amount of room he had until the warmth in his stomach exploded and he found himself crying out slack jawed terms of endearment. His bottom lip dragged slightly on the sweaty skin of his lovers back as he came down from his high. His irregular breath coming hard from his open mouth.

Yamato smiled, leaning heavily on the lounge as he waited for Kakashi to move away from him. He waited for a full minute before reaching behind him and tentatively rubbing the back of his hand along what he could reach of his partner’s side.

Reluctantly Kakashi removed himself, leaving the room and returning with a warm wash cloth and an apologetic look as he realised the mess he had forced Tenzou to make on his couch.

“I knelt there on my own accord remember.” The brunette smiled as he took the cloth. “Don’t get all guilty on me. I wanted it just as much as you did.” He reassured, planting a small kiss on the corner of his boyfriend’s mouth while he wiped at his own stomach.

“I’m so hungry.” Kakashi said suddenly, pulling away and turning to face the clock. “I don’t feel like cooking and after what you just let me do you shouldn’t have to either.” He wistfully. “It’s nearly 6:30. Do you want to get take out?” He asked, leaning down to pick up his pants.

“6:30…” Tenzou said slowly, pausing his cleaning to think. “Wait…we have somewhere to be soon.” He said turning to face a puzzled Kakashi. “I told Genma we’d go to his Jonin party.” He said carefully, waiting for a response. Kakashi stared at him blankly, his lips a thin line.

“No.” He said simply, resuming his redressing.

“Oh come on… It’ll be fun. I promise!” Tenzou said in his best impression of Genma. Kakashi smiled slightly but otherwise ignored the comment. “Well I said I’d go. You don’t have to though. I said I’d ask you but you probably wouldn’t want to.” He chuckled, now pulling on his own pants.

“Nooooo don’t leave me here alone!” Kakashi begged, dropping to his knees and holding up his joined hands sarcastically.

“I’m going. I said I would.” The ANBU grinned, ruffling silver hair.

“When will you be back?” Kakashi asked, his arms falling in to his lap.

“I don’t know, late probably.” Tenzou answered, walking around him and in to the bedroom. Kakashi contemplated the answer, his heart sinking as he realised where he had heard it before. “It’s just drinks with friends, nothing to be worried about.” His partner shouted from the other room, seemingly following his train of thought. Kakashi rang his hands together, weighing his options.

_Maybe if I had of gone out with Iruka when he invited me he would never have…_

He stopped the thought, swiping at the air in front of his face in an effort to dispel it from his mind. Tenzou frowned, watching him from the doorway.

_He’s not good in social situations… and from what he said to me earlier I’m guessing his fear of abandonment is rearing its ugly head again…_

He thought, a pang clenching his heart as he watched Kakashi grapple with his indecision.

“I... don’t have to go.” He said after another minute of silence between the two. His partner jumped slightly, as if only just becoming aware of his presence.

Kakashi looked up at him hopefully, his stomach sinking as he registered the disappointment on the brunette’s face.

“Really, it’s okay. We can just get take out and watch a movie.” Tenzou smiled what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

_I didn’t really want to go to Genma’s anyway… did I?_

“We should go.” Kakashi said softly, looking thoroughly displeased with his own decision, but trying for Tenzou’s sake to look like he had convinced himself it would be fun.

“It’s fine… we don’t have to go I know you get uncomforta-“

“Let’s go.” Kakashi said finally, holding out his hand as he stood.

 

 ~

 

Kakashi grimaced as a heavy hand clapped his back. Genma smiled, leaning way too far in to his personal space before practically shouting his greeting. Tenzou looked extremely smug at being able to slip passed him in the doorway, making his way in to the middle of the party and motioning for Kakashi to follow. He shoved his hands in his pockets, slouching slightly as he tried his hardest to look like he wasn’t jogging towards his lover. Tenzou bit his lower lip to stifle a laugh.

_He always has to be so fucking cool._

He thought, placing his hands on his hips and rolling his eyes in an exaggerated fashion as Kakashi took his time making his way over to him. He was probably fast walking by his own standards, but for normal people even Kakashi’s jog was slow and drawn out. He may as well have been walking in slow motion.

“Finalllyyyy.” Yamato smiled, hooking his arm around his partners and leading him towards a table covered in different types of alcohol. Genma stepped up beside them, he had one eye closed as he bared his surprisingly white teeth in a drunken grin.

“Cute.” He said after a few seconds of awkward eye contact.

_If you could call it eye contact._

Tenzou thought to himself as the Special Jonin gestured at their linked arms. There was another few seconds of silence before Genma took a bottle in his hand and directed it towards his plastic party cup. He stopped mid pour, pushing the cup away and taking a swig from the bottle instead. Kakashi winced, leaning back slightly to dodge the glass as it made its way towards his face.

“You!” Genma slurred, stopping for a second to gaze in to Kakashi’s uncovered eye as if to make sure he was paying attention. A finger attached to a hand, wrapped around a whiskey bottle was pointing at him, inches from his nose. As if he wasn’t looking at the person it belonged to. “Are a lucky man.” Genma finished finally, turning to smile at Tenzou once more. “Both of you. I’m…. I’mmm gl-lad you’re h-happy.” He finished after a small struggle with sobriety.

“Thank you.” Kakashi said slowly, grabbing his wrist and lowering the hand in front of his face. He found himself feeling ridiculously relieved that the incident in the missions room hadn’t been mentioned. He wasn’t sure, but he thought that his friend might have winked at him before walking away. It was hard to tell when he already had one eye closed.

_Do people not know when I’m winking at them?_

He wondered, looking around the room and suddenly understanding why woman never knew he was flirting with them. At least that’s what he told himself now.

“Here.” Tenzou said, handing him a nondescript drink.

“What is it?” He asked, eyeing it suspiciously.

“Vodka.” His boyfriend answered with a grin. Kakashi shook his head, putting the drink down on the table with what he hoped was an apologetic smile through his mask. “What?” Tenzou asked, looking from his lover to the cup and back again.

“I don’t want to drink.” Kakashi answered honestly, shoving his hands back in his pockets and forcing himself to look to his right.

“Why not?” The brunette asked, stepping closer. Kakashi shrugged. He wasn’t going to let this go.

“I don’t like the way getting drunk makes me feel.” He answered after a while, still not looking in the other man’s direction.

“No one said anything about getting drunk.” Yamato laughed, picking the drink back up and shoving it in his partner’s reluctant hand. “Don’t drink it if you really don’t want to. But it would be nice to have a drink together. We haven’t done that in years.”

“We haven’t done that ever.” Kakashi said quickly, turning to face him.

“Uh… Yes we have.” Tenzou smirked, cocking his head slightly. “You probably don’t remember. But that was the first time I ever heard you sing.” He mocked, nudging him slightly with his elbow.

Kakashi glared, his cheeks heating involuntarily as he remembered small parts of the one night in his life he allowed himself to get black out drunk.

_Of course it had to be with my ANBU squad. Why couldn’t it have been with Asuma. He would just smile and nod while I rambled. He wouldn’t mock me like this._

“Yeah… well that night is the reason I don’t like to drink anymore.” He retorted, putting the drink back down on the table with a thump. Tenzou’s face fell as he watched the liquid slosh over the sides of the cup.

“Kakashi.” He said gently, setting his own cup down next to his. “I’m just joking around. I really don’t care if you drink or not. Don’t be embarrassed, that night was really fun. For me it was probably the highlight of our ANBU years. It was the first time I actually felt like your friend instead of just your subordinate.” He smiled weakly, clapping his hand on his lovers shoulder. “Seriously, I was only kidding around. I wasn’t trying to upset you.”

Kakashi felt weak, not able to meet his boyfriend’s gaze. The fact that Tenzou had taken the time to explain that made him feel valued. His heart swelled at the thought that someone cared about him enough to go out of their way to make sure that he felt comfortable with what was being said about him.

He wasn't exactly the best at reading sarcasm unless he was dishing it out and no one had ever really cared enough to make sure that he knew they were kidding. Or maybe they weren't ever kidding. Maybe all the jabs people had had at him over the years weren't quite jabs but actual insults. Perhaps Tenzou was the only person he knew that he could trust to joke with.

He smiled weakly behind his mask. The urge to be near his lover overpowering his self-image. He reached for the cup, picking it up and putting it to his masked lips. Tenzou looked stunned as he took a sip through his mask.

“You’ll filter all the alcohol out.” He joked. Kakashi wondered if that was a real thing.

_Genius_

He thought to himself.

“Woah slow down. We aren't talking about getting drunk remember!” Tenzou laughed as Kakashi slipped his mask down quickly to scull the drink in his hand before pulling the fabric back in to place. Tenzou covered his mouth in awe as he was faced with a dazed looking eye smile.

“It's okay if I'm with you.” Kakashi said softly, his smile faltering as he was hit with a wave of uncertainty. “Isn't it?” He asked, looking coy. If Tenzou noticed the small step he took towards him, he didn't mention it.

“Of course it’s alright.” Tenzou answered, slipping his hand in to his lovers palm and squeezing lightly. “I poured the drink remember?” Kakashi felt his cheeks flush slightly above the mask. He had poured the drink. How had he forgotten that already?

“Sorry.” He muttered, taking a small step back. Tenzou noticed his movement for a second time and inhaled slowly. Kakashi was a naturally shy person but he still felt as though he hadn’t seen the full extent of his social anxiety yet. It was changing him. The normally strong and confident Copy Ninja was hovering nervously about him like a very slow humming bird. He was aware of how awkward he could get around other people in social situations, but he had never experienced him being awkward when they were alone together. It was alarming.

_Perhaps all the other people here are still getting to him. Even if they aren’t part of our conversation._

“Kakashi.” He said gently, pulling him by the hand back towards him. “You don't have to keep moving in and out of my personal space to say or do certain things. You’re welcome to just stay.” He whispered, slipping a tentative arm around his waist before leaning over to kiss his cheek.

“I’d like that.” Kakashi said softly, eyeing the arm around his waist. He wasn’t sure what the social protocol was in this type of situation. Most of the Village’s top Shinobi had known about his relationship with Iruka. He was a very popular man and as a result he often found himself shuffling awkwardly next to him while he finished a conversation with someone Kakashi considered a stranger. They held hands at social gatherings quite often, but it never went further than that. Iruka wasn’t one for PDA. Kakashi wasn’t sure if he was either really. But having Tenzou’s arm around his waist now felt nice. Like people looking at them knew of their situation. They knew Tenzou was his and there was no point in trying to steel him away.

That was something he could honestly say he hadn’t worried about with Iruka. He had been content in knowing that they were together. No one else needed to be told with ludicrous displays of public affection because it wouldn’t make a difference, they knew and that was all that mattered.

Kakashi swallowed hard, his own arm slipping around **his** partner’s waist and holding him tightly. He forced down the urge to point out that Tenzou was his to anyone who would listen. If he caused a scene he might not be able to boast that fact any longer.

The ANBU smiled awkwardly, resenting the fact that he had told Kakashi to stay in his personal space. He wanted him to stay near, but he didn’t realise that the other man would take it so literally that he would actually be held firmly in place.

“I love you.” Kakashi whispered timidly. Not sure if he was allowed to say those things here, but wanting to make sure he knew.

_If he knows then he won’t leave…_

He decided definitively, nodding before repeating himself a little louder.

“I love you too.” Tenzou answered, looking sideways at him and smiling reassuringly.

_It’s going to be a long night…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it just me or does Kakashi seem like the type of person to get sucked in by infomercials?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Kakashi isn't much fun and Tenzou's true feelings start to come in to play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short. I've had it written for ages and was trying to fill it out and make it longer but I just don't think it needs it.

Tenzou smiled wearily as Kakashi downed his 6th drink. The lightweight was becoming more vocal by the minute.

_This is what I wanted wasn't it? For him to loosen up and enjoy himself around other people?_

He wondered resignedly why he had thought this was a good idea. While Kakashi certainly was loosening up. He was losing certain traits that made him fundamentally Kakashi. The social outcast was fast becoming a charismatic socialite brimming with false confidence. He winked lazily from across the coffee table. At some point in the last hour he had pulled up his headband to reveal his Sharringan for no apparent reason.

From Kakashi’s point of view it made perfect sense. How was Tenzou supposed to know he was winking at him if he only had one eye uncovered? His Sharringan captured the small blush his partner struggled to hide at the 5th wink he had thrown him in the last 2 minutes. He really was enjoying himself.

_Alcohol isn't so bad…_

“Kakashi.” Tenzou whispered harshly, snapping his fingers in front of the other man’s face when he didn't get a response.

“Tenzou.” Kakashi responded in kind, using the same harsh tone of whisper.

“Dude, you need to slow down. It's going to catch up with you and you _won't_ be ready.”

Kakashi stared at him blankly, a frown furrowing his brows.

“Did you just _dude_ me?” He asked, anger lacing his voice.

“Yes. I did.” Tenzou snapped, sitting back in his chair. “Sorry. You heard me though didn’t you?” He asked with a smug smile.

“Mhmm.” Kakashi answered, sitting back in his own chair and cross his arms. “Don't _dude_ me. You call your friends dude… I'm not _just_ your friend anymore remember?”

Tenzou nodded slowly, understanding the words his partner hadn't said.

_If you treat me like your friend, people won't know you love me._

Tenzou thought, reading between the lines.

_Or perhaps he thinks. If you treat me like your friend… I won't know you love me._

He sighed allowed, standing and moving around the table they were both sitting in front of to slip down next to his lover. His own fingers intertwined with a long slender hand as his thigh connected with another.

“I love you.” He whispered, rubbing his free hand over the top of their connected ones. He felt Kakashi relax next to him and instantly knew he had made the right choice. He mentally chastised himself. Even after 2 months together he still wasn't used to having to watch his words. Although not normally an outspoken man himself he had never been forced to mentally filter the words that fell from his lips. But it seemed that with Kakashi he was forced to analyse everything he wanted to say lest the _genius_ took it the wrong way.

It was emotionally exhausting being a source of constant reassurance for someone so insecure. Although he never let it show, it was taking a toll on him. The usually calm and polite Tenzou was finding himself losing his temper more often than usual. His patience was almost non-existent with his ANBU team. A fact that was wreaking havoc with his career.

While Kakashi thought he was out training he was actually responding to an official summons from the Hokage. Twice in the last week she had called him in to talk about his behaviour. Things were not going well.

He knew deep down that it wasn’t Kakashi’s fault he was having problems at work. He could be nicer to his team. He could make an effort to get more sleep. Even if it meant telling Kakashi no instead of staying up until way past midnight making love.

Although it was exhausting, he honestly didn’t mind being the source of Kakashi’s security. Being his rock made him feel needed. In the same way he supposed that it made the other man feel wanted.

His thoughts were interrupted by Kakashi standing. He looked down at Tenzou to make sure he was being watched as he pointed to the bathroom. Tenzou nodded, leaning back in the chair once more to survey the rest of the party while Kakashi relieved himself. He wasn’t left with much time for contemplation as another heavy presence sat down in his partners place.

“Surprised you didn't go with him” Asuma smirked, nudging him with a strong arm.

“What’s that?” He asked, startled by the insinuation.

“No… Not for that.” Asuma chuckled, giving him a faintly disgusted look at the thought. “I mean he may as well be surgically attached to you the way he’s been hovering all night.” He smiled, handing the younger man a drink. He took it, grateful for the second of distraction.

“Oh… Yeah.” Tenzou smiled meekly, catching the unasked question.

“I didn't peg Kakashi as the clingy type?” Asuma asked with a raised brow.

“Well… I wouldn't call him clingy.” Tenzou laughed, grinning in to his drink.

“What would you call it then?” He was asked complacently.

“Um…” Tenzou thought. There wasn't really another word. He suddenly realised. “Clingy.” He coughed awkwardly. Defeated by the question.

Asuma nodded, eyeing the bathroom door to try and gage how much genuine conversation time they had left before the Copy Ninja returned.

“I told you he’s damaged goods right?” He asked. It was Tenzou’s turn to nod.

“Is clingy bad?” He questioned, already knowing the answer. Asuma ignored the rhetorical question and chose to answer the one he knew the other man desperately wanted to ask in its place.

_What do I do?_

“This is a good start. He needs to socialise with more people. He can't rely solely on you for his companionship all the time. That's the mistake Iruka made.” He said quietly, leaning in before continuing. “I'm not saying you two are going to end up fighting in front of Genin in the mission’s room but being that constant source of emotional support for someone is exhausting.”

“I know.” Tenzou replied simply. Asuma nodded, realising it must already be getting to him.

“Try and get him out of the house more often. That's my only advice. That and get Guy involved. He’s good with him.” He whispered hastily as he watched the bathroom door open. Tenzou thanked the other man quietly, wondering how someone so young could be so wise as he watched Kakashi approach in his peripheries.

Kakashi glared at Asuma’s retreating back as he sat down once more, leaning closer than even to his significant other.  He knew the burly man was with Kurenai. He knew he was straight, but he couldn’t help it. The thought of someone taking _his_ Tenzou away from him was suddenly the most prominent thought in his mind. The most painful thing he could imagine. This party had made him paranoid. The alcohol meant he was letting his guard down. He was losing control of the situation and he didn’t like it.

“How the hell does someone so thin take up so much couch?” Yamato laughed, shoving Kakashi away playfully with his shoulder.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, looking down. Tenzou’s smile fell as studied Kakashi’s face. His cheeks were flushed above his mask, most likely from the alcohol. But more worryingly the one eye he had exposed looked watery like he was about to... He moved closer, wanting to tell him he was joking. Kakashi moved away instinctively, wanting to give him more space. There was only the two of them on the sofa together. He wasn't sure if he was allowed to be close.

_Tenzou said it was fine but then he pushed me away…_

He thought, confusion ravaging his intoxicated mind. He closed his eye briefly, trying to organise his thoughts. He hadn't had any alcohol since before he went to the bathroom yet he was sure he was still getting drunker by the second. His head was spinning, the room was spinning. Tenzou’s words were blurred and sloppy.

_Why won't he stop moving?_

He wondered, squinting at the brunette who appeared to be whizzing around the room. He suddenly realised Tenzou’s hand was on his shoulder. He opened his mouth to ask what was happening but he couldn't form words. He was sure he was going to be sick. But not here. He refused to be sick here. He pulled his hands together to form the first seal for teleportation when two tanned hands grabs a hold of his.

“No.” Tenzou said sternly, standing and pulling the other man with him. He wasn't quite sure if his feet were working but somehow he ended up with his head being pressed in to a toilet bowel. Someone had yanked his mask down. He hoped it was Tenzou.

“You can't teleport when you’re that drunk. Who knows where you would end up?” Tenzou was saying softly as white knuckles gripped the bowl under him. His stomach clenched painfully as he vomited everything he had drank. He pulled away when he was sure there was nothing left, resting his head on his forearm and breathing heavily.

“Did you know your eyes water before you throw up?” Tenzou asked with a chuckle, rubbing small circles on his back. “I learnt that years ago.” He smiled, talking reflectively even though he knew Kakashi wasn't listening. The silver haired man groaned loudly and brunette sighed, pulling him in to a proper sitting position and wiping at his mouth with toilet paper. “Done?” He asked, before pulling his mask back up for him and flushing the toilet next to him. “Alright let's go home.” He said quietly, opening the door behind him so that people would know the bathroom was free before grabbing a hold of his partners arm.

“Great party man!” He said somewhat sarcastically as he threw Genma a thumbs up from the doorway. They were gone in an instant, appearing in their own dark bedroom.

“Thank fuck.” Tenzou whispered, leaning over to turn on the lamp before throwing his head back in exasperation at an unconscious Kakashi. “Dudeeee.” He growled, knowing the other man wouldn't hear him. “I’m going to undress you and put you in bed…. But first swear to me you won't throw up in there!” He demanded, pointing. No response. He hadn't expected one.  “I swear to God Kakashi.” He said warningly as he started to strip him.

“Don't _dude_ me.” Kakashi mumbled with a sly grin. Tenzou grinned back, leaning in to kiss his lovers cheek.

“I love you. Don't throw up in our bed.”

 

~

 

“I have two questions.” Kakashi said softly from the doorway that joined the bedroom and kitchen. Tenzou’s lips quirked as he fought to keep his face straight.

“Okay.” He replied, stifling a laugh.

“One… my head feels like I've been through a round of sparring and I let Guy win…”

“Not a question.”

“And two…” He continued despite the interruption. “Where is my mask. Also my pants. But mostly my mask.” He trailed off, his groggy voice failing him. Tenzou inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a second, enjoying this moment before letting it out and answering the questions.

“I told you not to throw up in our bed.” He said simply.

“And?”

“You threw up in our bed.”

“Sorry…”

“That's alright… Luckily I took the mask off you first or you would probably be dead right now. As for your pants I have no idea. You wouldn't let me undress you. You stumbled out of the bedroom, came back without pants yelling about how you were stuck in your shirt.” He finished, finally letting out the laugh he had been holding at the memory. “I seriously don't know where your pants are… I've been looking. I hope you didn't go outside.”

Kakashi didn't think it possible for his face to burn any more than it was right now. He was sure he was the colour of beetroot as memories of Tenzou yelling at him for vomiting in bed came flooding back to him.

“I'm so sorry.” He groaned, slipping in to the chair across the table from Tenzou and resting his head in his hands.

“It's fine.” His partner laughed, pushing a mug of coffee towards him.

“Did…. Did I make a fool of myself in front of anyone else?” He asked tentatively. The ANBU shook his head, taking a sip of his own drink before giving his dishevelled lover a sympathetic look.

“Just me.”

“I would rather make a fool of myself in front of people who already don't like me.” He said dejectedly. Tenzou cocked his head in question and he continued reluctantly. “I mean you like me, right? I don't want you to think I'm an idiot. You’re supposed to love me. If other people think I'm stupid what does it matter they don't like me anyway.”

“I do love you.” He said simply, reaching across the table to hold one of Kakashi’s hands in his.

“You probably left because of me didn't you?” He stated more than asked. Tenzou nodded slowly before grinning again.

“But it alright. You’ve been asleep for quite a while. I had coffee with Raidou earlier. Apparently he had a worse night than I did. He turned up on our door step practically begging to be let in. Turns out he needed to vent before Genma woke up. He looked like shit. Apparently he was still up at 4am. It took him and 3 other Jonin to wrestle Genma away from the Hokage monument. Someone dared him to hmmm… Do… Some thing's to the Godaime’s face and let's just say he was weirdly over prepared to do it.” He laughed. Kakashi stared, glazed eyes squinting in the brightness of the room. “But apparently a lot of his parties end like that so… I think Raidou is probably used to it.”

Kakashi nodded, staring at his drink.

“Sexual things?” He asked.

“Sexual things.” Tenzou agreed. They shivered in unison, their minds involuntarily imagining it.

“At least I’m not that bad.” Kakashi said with a self-deprecating smile. “Am I?”

“God no.” The brunette laughed, sipping on his coffee and thanking his lucky stars.

_Maybe Kakashi being clingy isn't so bad after all… It could be. So. Much. Worse._

 

~

 

Tenzou steadied himself outside the front door of his apartment. He was tired, sore and covered in blood that wasn't his own. His mission had been rough. It had not even remotely gone to plan and it was all his fault.

His concentration had been lacking. He had missed his cue. His comrade had nearly died at it was all his fault. He looked down at his shaking hands, still smeared with his friend’s blood. He swallowed hard. Things could have been worse, he supposed.

After a heavy breath he turned the knob and entered his small home. He could tell straight away Kakashi wasn't there and he had never been more grateful for solitude in his life.

Slipping off his clothing he stepped under the warm spray of the shower and breathed a sigh of relief at the feeling of washing away his sins. He massaged his own scalp, a moan escaping him as he felt the dirt and grit wash away under the scolding water.

His eyes snapped opened as he felt another presence in the bathroom, he was in battle stance with a kunai in his hand before he could even think. He always left his thigh holster on top of the toilet next to the shower. He found himself becoming increasingly paranoid after finishing missions. It had started as a small comfort but over the years it had grown to be a necessity. He couldn't shower without a Kunai nearby. People had made fun of him in the past but right now he felt like the smartest person in the world.

Kakashi stood next to the sink, hands raised to head height in mock surrender. He lowered them slowly as he saw Tenzou relax. He threw his kunai back on top of the toilet and turned around, continuing with his shower without saying a word.

“I could have been an enemy disguised as me.” He said over the noise of the shower.

“You're not though.” Tenzou retorted, his voice slightly muffled by the water.

Kakashi stood still for a minute. He got the distinct feeling his boyfriend wanted to be alone. He hadn't intended to intrude. He had forgotten his Icha Icha. He couldn't train without it and he had left it in the bathroom. He desperately wanted to stay. He hadn’t seen Tenzou in nearly 4 days. The loneliness was killing him.

“Sorry for scaring you.” He mumbled, picking up his book from the counter and holding it up for a second so the ANBU could see why he had entered without knocking. Tenzou turned to watch as Kakashi held up the book before retreating, closing the door behind him. He felt a little bit guilty. He should have told him it was fine. But he just didn't have it in him to reassure him right now. It was after all, his fault that he hadn't been paying attention during his mission.

In the two weeks since Genma’s party Tenzou had started to noticed exactly how needy his boyfriend was. He silently cursed Asuma for pointing it out. Although deep down he knew he would have noticed it anyway, it was just convenient to pretend for a second that it was someone else meddling in his life that caused the problem. He scared himself thinking about the possibility that it might not work out with Kakashi. He loved the man a ridiculous amount. He always had. It was just unfortunate that the reality of Kakashi was so different to the fantasy. He has always seen him as a solitary man with little need for affection. When that image of him had been shattered Tenzou had convinced himself it was fine. He had just been hurt deeply by someone that he trusted unconditionally. He was bound to be a little emotionally malnourished. He assumed that the further he got from Iruka and the closer together they got, the more secure he would become. But for some reason that didn't seem to be the case. If the last two weeks were any indication of the future, then he really had to stop and consider that maybe he had bitten off a little more than he could chew. Kakashi having a constant need for reassurance and comfort in their relationship, just wasn't what he had bargained for when he signed up to date the Copy Ninja.

“Stop it.” He snapped, slamming his fist in to the shower wall. “He’s just a person… like me.” He whispered to himself. The anger those thoughts caused him made him want to destroy something. He found himself thinking them a lot lately. In fact he found himself thinking those thoughts a lot more often than he thought anything good about their relationship and it scared him. Kakashi had no idea. Poor sweet Kakashi had no idea that he was thinking that they may not work out, because he just kept reassuring him everything was fine.

Tenzou hated himself more that he could have thought imaginable for the next thought that crossed his mind. He slapped himself harshly, trying desperately to expel the horrid truth of his ponderings. It wouldn’t leave his mind and it made him want to vomit. It just kept repeating over and over.

_That’s probably why Iruka cheated._

 

~

 

Kakashi stopped in the bedroom, standing still to listen for a second before deciding he must have imagined the tone in Tenzou’s voice. He was about to leave when he heard the thump of something hitting the wall echoing around the small room. His instinct was to call out, to make sure he was okay. But the words his lover uttered stopped him in his tracks.

“Stop it.” Spat with such malice, fell from those usually polite and kind lips. Kakashi knew it wasn't directed at him. Tenzou would think he was long gone by now.

_But who was it directed at? The soap?_

He wondered, moving across the room to sit down on the bed. He silently thanked himself for deciding to take the day off. Truth be told he was hoping for a day away from the Genin to get some real training for himself done. He was sick of using kid gloves with them. He needed to really buckle down or he would lose condition. But now his plans had changed.

Settling down on the bed and flipping opened his book he decided to wait out Tenzou’s shower. He wanted to know what had gotten his lover upset enough to punch the wall.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou finds that sometimes good advice can come from the most surpirsing people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't updated in nearly a whole month! I'm nearllyyyy completely moved in to my new home so I should have some more free time to write now. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

Kakashi’s smile wavered as he caught the look of contempt in his partner’s eye the second he exited the bathroom. He forced himself to keep it in place, if only to solidify the illusion that he was innocently unaware of what was happening.

_Tenzou is unhappy._

He thought with a twist of gut wrenching agony that stabbed at his newly mended heart. His smile grew wider as he overlooked the blatant daggers Tenzou was throwing in his direction. His decision to stay suddenly seemed ridiculous. He stood, abandoning his plan of talking it out in lieu of getting as far away from this situation as possible. He ignored the question implied in the inflection of his name as Tenzou called after him. He had seen that look before and he didn't want to know what he had done wrong to deserve it.

“Kakashi?” Tenzou asked, confusion crossing his features as his lover bolted from the room. “Kakashi?” He called again, stepping out in to the lounge room in time to see him jump from the window. “What the fuck…?”

He stumbled on the landing, kicking himself mentally for being careless. Emotions were getting the best of him too often now days.

_What happened to suppressing everything? To following the Shinobi code?_

 His thoughts were interrupted as a large wooden tendril wound itself around his waist. He yelped, squirming to try and get away as he was pulled back the few feet he had managed to run.

“Get your ass back inside!” Tenzou growled as he came face to face with him. “If you think for one second I’m going to chase you in just a towel you’re sorely mistaken. You waited around while I showered for something and I want to know what it is.” He growled as he pulled the other man back through the window and deposited him on the couch. Kakashi glared at him, his insecurities momentarily forgotten as he brushed away stray twigs and dirt from his uniform.

“You _just_ showered. How are you this dirty?” He grumbled.

“I'm not dirty. I turned my arm in to a fucking tree just now. Idiot.” Tenzou shot back, sitting next to him and folding his arms over his bare chest. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

Kakashi stared at him, a small flush appearing over the edges of his mask as he processed his lover’s words.

“I'm not an idiot.” He said softly, swallowing the lump that had risen in his throat.

“No… You’re not. I'm sorry.” Tenzou whispered, leaning forward slightly and resting a hand on Kakashi’s thigh. He squeezed lightly before looking over to check for a reaction. Kakashi’s body was still, his hand picking at a loose thread on his pants. He looked almost childlike in his melancholy.

Tenzou felt guilt start to consume him. Kakashi hadn't done anything wrong. He was completely and utterly devoted to him. He just wanted to spend time with him. Although he would never admit it, it was obvious he was terrified of loneliness. He had probably spent the entirety of his mission fretting and waiting on him to get back. He sighed internally, wondering exactly how far Kakashi would fall if something was to separate them.

“Ka-” He started.

“It's okay.” Kakashi cut in, tears brimming in his eyes. “I get it.” He choked, turning his face away. “I'll give you some space…” He stood shakily, biting his lip under his mask to hold the tears at bay. “That's all I was trying to do before.” He whispered, gesturing to the window.

“I don't… Want you to _give_ me space.” Tenzou ground out, trying hard to figure out what he needed to say. His feelings were frustrating him, making him lash out and Kakashi didn’t deserve that. He wanted to see him, to spend time with him but in this state of mind he knew deep down spending time alone with the other man would do their relationship more harm than good.

“Then what do you want?” Kakashi asked, standing still and waiting for instruction.

“I don't… Know.” The brunette admitted after a short silence.

“Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” Kakashi said softly, eyes downcast as he took a few steps back towards the window.

“There's nothing you can do.” Tenzou sighed, shaking his head and throwing his hands up in a pained shrug. Kakashi stood still once more, his hand returning to the loose thread on his pants as he waited for his partner to elaborate. “I think I might just need to spend some time alone right now.” He said flatly. “My mission was… Terrible. I just… Need some time to myself to think.”

Kakashi nodded, standing tall and inhaling deeply before heading to the window again.

“I’ll give you space.” He repeated.

“Kakashi.”

He turned slightly, his gaze not leaving the city in front of him.

“You stay. I'll go.”

 

~

 

“I won't.” Pakkun huffed, closing his eyes and holding his head high.

“Please?” Kakashi asked again, rubbing a felt like ear in between his forefinger and thumb.

“No. Tenzou’s a nice guy. We’ve known him for years. I am not tailing him. He said he wants time alone to think and he deserves his privacy.”

“You said Iruka was a nice guy!” Kakashi whined, flopping back against the head on his bed and crossing his arms.

“Hm.” Pakkun growled, rolling his eyes and crawling slowly up his master’s chest. Kakashi refused to look at him, bottom lip poutier than usual. The Ninken leaned in, refusing to be ignored. He rubbed his muzzle affectionately against his boss’s cheek before darting out his tongue and licking him across the lips.

“Eck!” The Copy Ninja cried, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand and pushing at the pug’s insistent face.

“What's this really about?” The dog sighed gruffly. “You didn't really summon me to follow your boyfriend around did you?”

Kakashi shrugged letting himself slip down the bed until he was lying on his back staring at the ceiling.

“He's been gone for hours.” He said finally, the insecurity inside seeping out in his voice. He swallowed hard, forcing his emotions back down. “It's too familiar.” He said, exhaling shakily.

Pakkun respired, a puff of warm dog breath stinging his master’s eyes as he laid down and nuzzled his cheek with a wet nose.

“Tenzou’s not like that.” He said firmly.

“Well then where is he?” Kakashi asked, his eyes not leaving the ceiling.

 

~

 

“I hate this.” Tenzou repeated for a fifth time. “I hate this so much.”

“So you’ve said.” Genma sighed, raising his eyebrows and pursing his lips sarcastically.

“Ah,  friend you are in the prime of your youthful existence! Enjoy these moments with vigorous enthusiasm before the wiry grip of Mother Nature SHUFFLES YOU IN TO MIDDLE AGE BEFORE YOU ARE READY!” Guy exclaimed, making everyone flinch as he spontaneously stood mid-sentence to thrust his glass in the air, raining his suspiciously pink drink down on the rest of the table.

“I'm just… Not a club person.” Tenzou explained, trying his best to make sure his explanation was heard over the boisterous music playing way too loudly.

“Then why are you here?” Raidou asked, looking towards his booth mate and bouncing slightly as his eyes darted around the club. Tenzou wondered if maybe Genma slipped something in his partners drink. He had been acting weird since the first round.

“I needed to get out of the house and this idiot cornered me.”  He groused, jutting his thumb in Genma’s direction. He nodded enthusiastically in response to the accusation.

“Problems with the ol’ ball and chain.” The special Jonin said, rolling his eyes and taking a huge sip of his drink.

“No… No… It's not…. Do you follow me?” Yamato asked, exasperation clear in his tone. “I feel like you follow me.”

Genma looked guilty, he opened his mouth to respond.

“Wait… You’re having problems with Kakashi?” Raidou cut in. Tenzou could have strangled him. He was finally about to learn the truth behind Genma’s strange knowledge of his life and tendency to turn up wherever he was not wanted. He wanted to tell Raidou shut up. But the sober part of his brain needed to nip this in the bud before it became a rumour.

“No. I'm not. I just… My mission didn't go well and I needed some… Space.” He finished, choosing his words carefully. Everyone seemed to nod in understanding. The brunette breathed a small sigh of relief as conversation shifted from his love life. He was about to ask Raidou to move so he could get up and go to the bathroom when he suddenly turned to face him.

“So… Why didn't you invite Kakashi?” He asked softly. Tenzou was sure that Genma’s partner did not share his affinity for gossip and was simply curious about his friends where abouts.

“Oh.. Well… I …uh…” He stuttered, caught off guard by the question. The rest of the booth occupants turn to look at him. “I was already out and I didn't want to go home so….” He trailed of, knowing he had been caught. There was short silence. No one really knew what to say. “Anyway, do you mind, I have to go to the bathroom.” He laughed awkwardly, gesturing for Raidou to move.

“Sure.” He said, jumping up to let the wood user past.

“I will join you youthful companion.” Guy piped up, slipping off his own seat and falling in step with him as he headed towards the rest room. Tenzou sighed internally. He had wanted to go alone.

They walked in silence, which was kind of weird as Tenzou was absolutely sure he had never been around Guy for longer than a minute without him speaking almost constantly. He pushed the door opened and stepped aside to let the other man trough before walking towards an unoccupied stall. He had never been a urinal kind of guy.

A firm hand grasped his shoulder and he turned in question. He was met with a solemn faced Guy. His stern expression wrinkled his large eyebrows almost comically.

“If you were ever having problems with Kakashi, I would hope that you would consider coming to talk to me about it. I know my rival better than anyone and I'm sure I can help.”  His teeth glinted as he shot the other man a smile before turning to stand up against the nearest urinal. Tenzou stood there, open mouthed and blinking. He didn't move until he registered the sound of the other man actually using the urinal and realised he was watching.

He stepped in to the stall, too stunned to urinate as he relived the last few moment of his life several times in his mind. He had never, in his life heard Guy sound so serious. Up until a moment ago he was not even sure Guy owned an inside voice.

He flushed the toilet, realising he had already surely been standing in the stall for a good couple of minutes and now didn't actually have time to go. He walked to the sink and washed his hands before looking up and making eye contact with the blue beast. He had been waiting for him.

“Guy…” He started, shaking his head. “Can we… Talk?” He asked.

“Follow me.”

 

~

 

“I hope Genma is not too mad at us for departing the festivities before they had concluded.” Guy pondered aloud.

“Don't worry. He probably knows exactly where we… ARE!” Tenzou exclaimed, smacking his fist in to a nearby bush in anticipation of Genma’s spying. Guy chuckled at his companions exploits.

“Genma does not follow you around, my friend.” He grinned, slinging an arm over Tenzou’s shoulder and leading him away from the offending shrubbery.

“For someone that doesn’t follow me around he sure knows a lot about my private life.” The ANBU grumbled.

“He is merely commenting on that which we all see.” Guy said, suddenly solemn once more.

“Is that right?” Tenzou asked, not really expecting an answer. “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere private, where we may talk sincerely without being interrupted.”

Yamato nodded in understanding, steeling himself to be lead further than he had intended away from the bar. They had be walking off the road through thick scrub for a while now, yet somehow they were still inside the village walls. He felt his stomach start to twist as a large wooden cabin came in to view. The small fenced in yard surrounding it made it the picture of every family’s suburban dream. The broken and splintered training dummies littering the freshly mowed lawn was a different story.

There was no mistaking the atrocious green paint that covered what would have been once beautiful wooden slats. Tenzou sighed as he started to realise, perhaps a tad too late, that this was Guy’s home.

_Fuck._

“Welcome to my humble abode!” Guy exclaimed suddenly, making the other man clench at his chest to check if his heart was still beating.

“Guy… you didn’t have to…”

“Nonsense! Do you or do you not want to speak in private about my Eternal Rival?!” He questioned. Jumping the small fence and bounding towards his door like an eager puppy.

“Well… I suppose…” Tenzou sighed, opening the gate and stepping through it like a normal person.

“Then let’s go!” Guy practically screamed, opening the door without a key and gesturing for the brunette to walk ahead of him.

Guy gave him a quick tour before settling him in the lounge room. Telling him to make himself comfortable before disappearing to boil the kettle.

His house was large, but cosy. It had a distinctly homey feel that almost made Tenzou wish they were better friends. He could definitely imagine himself enjoying a dinner party in the spacious dining room or sipping tea on the porch and gossiping about village shenanigans.

That thought brought a small to his lips as Guy reappeared with a tray of tea. He set a cup down in front of his guest and gestured to the different tea’s he had available. Tenzou thanked him, picking up a few bags and giving them a small sniff before deciding.

“This tea…” He asked after a second’s silence, picking one of the bags from the tray and shaking it slightly. “It looks like it’s from the Cloud Country. Kakashi has some like that. He said he brought it back from a mission but he didn’t really care for it.”

Guy grinned, shooting the other man a thumbs up before delving in to an explanation.

“Once, when I was a lot younger I went on a mission to the Cloud. I decided to spend quite a large sum of money on something that they boast is a delicacy you can only attain from their country. Namely, that tea.” He paused, pointing. “It was a mistake. I loved it so much that I became addicted. Seeing as it is only available in the cloud, you see my predicament.” He chuckled. “Anyway I confided that fact to Kakashi one day thinking nothing of it. Within the week I came home to find a box of it sitting in front of my door. No card, no note, nothing. But I know a certain silver haired rival of mine that had just returned from a mission in the Cloud.”

Tenzou smiled to himself, staring down at his tea with a thoughtful expression. That was so like Kakashi.

“Every couple of months or so just as I am about to run out of the stuff I mysteriously find more of it on my door step. I don’t know how he knows when I am running low but since that first purchase when I was a mere Chunin I have never had to go back and buy myself more.” Guy finished, leaning back in his chair and taking another sip of his drink.

“That’s really nice of him.” Tenzou said softly, not sure if he was expected to speak or not.

“It is… He is a nice guy.” The blue beast stated matter of factly. “I hope you are not planning on hurting him.”

“W-what?” Tenzou spluttered, choking on his tea. “No.. I… I... wouldn’t.”

“That’s good to hear my friend. I was saddened to hear of what transpired between Kakashi and Iruka Sensei. I was… disappointed he did not confide in me what had happened. But I was happy to learn there was a good reason for that.” Guy winked.

“Oh… well you see…”

“You do not have to explain. I understand your relationship with my rival. What I would like to know is why you have decided you need some space from him?”

Tenzou gawked, not expecting such a personal question from someone as eccentric as Guy.

“I…”He floundered.

“I understand that is a personal question that is none of my concern.”

“No... It’s, I mean yes it’s personal but it’s what I came here to talk to you about.” Tenzou said, rubbing at his temples as he tried to organise his thoughts. “Okay… where do I even start?”

 

~

 

Tenzou exhaled loudly as he rested his head on his forearms. He had been talking for hours he was sure of it. He had explained his doubts about his relationship with Kakashi. His wish to keep it going. His guilt at the thoughts constantly running through the back of his mind regarding the neediness of a certain Copy Ninja. He had exhausted himself emotionally. Talking until his throat felt raw. Yet somehow he felt at ease with everything he had said. As if saying it all out loud didn’t make it so daunting anymore. Having someone listen to his incessant and sometimes incoherent ramblings helped him to feel sane. The only thing bothering him at this moment was the fact that of all the people he ever thought he would confide in, Guy was the last.

The blue beast rubbed his chin thoughtfully, pursing his lips and glaring straight ahead as if he might see an answer if he was to squint hard enough.

“Well…” He said finally, starting Tenzou from a slumber he wasn’t aware he had fallen in to. “I don’t think you really have anything to worry about. Kakashi will come around.” He grinned, holding up his thumbs in front of the ANBU’s face.

“That’s it?” Tenzou bellowed. “He’ll come around? I pour my heart out to you and all you have to say it Kakashi will come around?”

Guy looked slightly taken aback. His quizzical expression may have been funny if Tenzou was in a better mood.

“Yes… Kakashi has… deep, trust issues. I’m not sure if you realise this but they run way deeper than what Iruka did to him. He has been this way for as long as I have known him.” Guy stated, resting his elbows on the table and his face in his palms. “He has been abandoned in a way, by everyone he has ever held dear. He puts up walls to keep people from getting close to him so that he does not have to suffer the pain of loss again.”

Tenzou stared at his hands. Guilt starting to overwhelm him again as he thought about Kakashi’s past. Guy was right. Based on his history the Copy Ninja should have no reason to believe that anyone truly loves him, or even if they did, that they would continue to stay with him. He sighed softly, picking at his nails as Guy continued to talk.

“You are very lucky you know. There are many people that have tried in the past to knock down those walls and build a friendship with him. My self-included. Fortunately for me Kakashi indulges my rivalry challenges. I don’t think he realises that I stopped caring about who was a better Shinobi a long time ago.”

Tenzou looked up, surprise evident on his features.

“You mean...”

“Yes. I challenge Kakashi to do ridiculous things with me for his benefit, not mine. I am alright with looking like an idiot if it means that he gets to let of some steam every now and then.”  

Tenzou gaped. He never would have guessed that Guy could be so serious. He had always assumed the man somewhat of a fool. He realised suddenly he had never misjudged someone so severely in his life.

“You’re a good person Guy.” He beamed, reaching over and grasping his shoulder firmly. “Thank you for being there for him.”

“It is my pleasure really. I just hope that you can appreciate how lucky you are to have made your way inside the thick walls of doubt Kakashi keeps firmly in place. Even after years of trying I have only made it as far as receiving anonymous tea on a semi-regular basis.” He smiled, holding up his cup.

“I _am_ lucky… I know that, I just… wish he could see that he has other people that care about him. People other than me that are willing to spend time with him. Listen to him. Do stupid things with him.” He added as an afterthought, grinning at the ridiculousness of the rival challenges.

“Perhaps you should take a step back and give him an opportunity to see.” Guy suggested vaguely.

“What do you mean?” Tenzou asked, sitting back in his chair.

“I mean, make plans with other people and don’t assume he will come with you. Go out on your day off and do something for yourself. He may be a very dependant lover, but remember young friend, he is a grown man. He can, and will spend time on his own without you.”

“I don’t know how that would go down.” Tenzou laughed nervously, his gut twisting at the thought.

“Well friend, the way I see it is you have two options. Either you set the pace now, by taking some time for yourself and forcing him to find friendly companionship in other people besides yourself or things stay the way they are and you find yourself becoming more and more resentful until eventually you can not take it anymore and break up with him. Ultimately hurting him a million times more than a few days away from you would.”

Tenzou nodded in understanding. He rubbed his temples once more, groaning as he pictured the expression Kakashi would send his way as he announced he was going out alone. He knew what he had to do. He just wasn’t sure if he could do it.

 

~

 

Tenzou thanked Guy for his hospitality as well as the advice he had offered. His walk home was spent reeling over the fact that he had managed to spend 5 hours in the blue beasts company without wanting to rip the man’s limbs off. He couldn’t believe they had talked for that long. He really didn’t intend to be out so late. Kakashi was probably worried. But he supposed, if he was going to try and distance himself from his lover, there was no time like the present to get started.

He slipped his shoes off silently after slipping through the wall of the apartment. He made his way in the dark towards the bedroom. He cursed under his breath as his little toe caught on the corner of the door way. He stumbled, holding his foot as he howled softly, screwing his eyes shut.

“Mother f---- shit… fuck.” He growled, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor, inspecting the damage in the moonlight. He was pretty sure it wasn’t broken, but it would swell terribly if he didn’t get some ice on it immediately. He stood up and limped back to the kitchen, pulling an ice pack from the freezer and slumping down in to a kitchen chair. He thanked all the God’s he knew of that Kakashi was a heavy sleeper when he was at home.

“Did you smell him?” Kakashi asked Pakkun quietly, staring at the wall and trying hard to pull himself together. Pakkun whined softly, moving up with bed to lay against his chest like he had that night so many months ago. His tail beat steadily against his master’s chest as he huffed.

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's feedback is always appreciated! I'll try and update again soon!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou is consumed by guilt and seeks comfort from his friends who are not very helpful... at first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. I was so engrossed in writing it that I picked up AND tried to eat the cord from my drawing tablet instead of the liquorice strings I had in front of me. :|

Kakashi sat his elbow on the dining table and rested his face on his palm. He stared at the breakfast Tenzou had made for them with mild contempt. He wasn’t hungry.

Tenzou eyed him suspiciously over his coffee mug, taking intermittent sips that didn’t hide his concern very well. He studied the man before him closely. He was aware that he hadn’t slept very well the night before. If the nightmares hadn’t of already been a strong indication of his decaying mental state, then the dark circles under his eyes would have given him away. Not to mention the way his chakra was flaring up at random intervals.

He sighed inwardly, feeling guilty for leaving him alone for most of the previous evening. He hadn't really seen the man in a week now. It was selfish of him to leave him alone the night he had gotten back from his mission. He had probably missed him dearly. Setting down his mug he began on his own breakfast, not really paying attention to his food as he shovelled it in to his mouth.

Kakashi poked at his eggs with his chopsticks and stared gloomily at the plate in front of him. Tenzou resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the other man’s behaviour.

_Honestly, he may have missed me while I was gone but I only left him alone for a couple of hours… I missed him too but spending some of our free time away from each other is a good thing for our relationship. Yes… It's good for our relationship._

He decided, repeating the last sentence over again like a mantra as he convinced himself to not feel guilty. It was good for them. They needed it. Kakashi stood suddenly, making him jump. He hadn’t been particularly fast in his action, but any move at all in the mornings was startling when it was made by Kakashi.

“I’m not hungry. Do you want this?” He asked, shoving his plate towards his boyfriend. Tenzou looked from his own half full plate to the other and shook his head slowly. Kakashi nodded, picking up the plate and taking it with him to the bedroom.

Yamato blinked, wondering why the man had taken the food with him if he didn’t want it. Then it hit him.

The dog had been in bed with Kakashi when he had arrived home late the night before. He wasn’t overly surprised by his presence but it was still uncharacteristic none the less. According to Kakashi when he lived alone he would regularly have all of the summons in his home at the one time. He treated them like this pets in that they would be fed by him as well as groomed. Tenzou smiled at the thought of Kakashi sewing dog uniforms in his spare time.

_He probably misses them. I should let him know I don’t mind if he wants to have them stay here sometimes._

He thought to himself absently. Although if he was being honest he wasn’t a dog person. He would much prefer it if Kakashi summoned cats.

He stood, moving to the sink and washing his plate. He wondered how it would go down if he brought up the suggestion of acquiring a cat. Now that he had thought about it, he kind of wanted one.

He had never had a pet before. He liked the thought of cuddling with a soft animal at night.

_I could call it Mr Fuzzy paws or… Professor Meow or… Jingles… Ah it doesn't matter, I won't get one anyway._

He thought, resigning himself to being pet-less for the foreseeable future. He was just procrastinating.

When he entered the bedroom he was surprised to find Kakashi back in bed. Snuggled in to the mattress with the blanket pulled up over his head. Pakkun was on the floor, pushing a very clean plate around the room with his tongue. Tenzou wasn’t sure if he should laugh or frown.

_The dog is cute but… that was a good plate._

“Kakashi?” He asked, stripping off his pyjamas and searching around on the floor for the Jonin uniform he had worn a couple of days before. It was probably still clean enough to wear again today. “Kakashi?” He asked again, sniffing at the armpits of the shirt he was about to pull over his head. “Stop ignoring me.” He prodded, pulling on his uniform pants and falling backwards on to the bed, narrowly missing the other man. “Oi.” He smiled, crawling on top of the other Jonin and flopping himself down heavily.

He wasn’t proud of the yelping noise that fell from his lips as his lover threw him to the ground. He shot a questioning look at the little pug who lifted one paw and seemed to shrug in response.

“Go away.” Kakashi drawled, rolling to face the wall.

“What's up with you?” Tenzou growled as he brushed himself off, his temper flaring. Kakashi stayed silent, the ball on the bed suspiciously still. Tenzou reached out to pull the blanket off him, quelling his anger and telling himself there must be a reason for this behaviour. Kakashi protested, holding the quilt tight until a small tearing sound made Tenzou let go. He couldn't see Kakashi’s face, but he was pretty sure he had just smacked himself by accident when the force he was using to hold the blanket in place was no longer needed. He stifled a giggle. “You’re late for work.” He offered, sitting back down on the edge of the bed and rubbing his hand along the lump that was his boyfriend.

Pakkun chuckled to himself, jumping up beside Tenzou.

“Watch and learn, kid.” He said smugly as he nosed his way under the blanket. After a bit of sniffing and some shuffling came a surprisingly loud slurp that had Kakashi throwing the blanket away from his face and launching the dog towards his feet. He huffed indignantly, crossing his arms and glaring in front of him, knowing he had been bested.

“That's how we tell you we love you, you know.” Pakkun said, a hint mischievous intent behind his words. Kakashi ignored him, sitting up and wiping at his face while continuing to make it as obvious as possible that he was ignoring Tenzou. He glanced in his direction every few seconds and then looked away when he was caught. After about a minute of this, Tenzou gave in sighing loudly and deliberately to show his exasperation before reaching out and touching the other man on the arm.

“I can't fix it if you won't talk about it.” He ground out, trying his hardest to keep his voice even and reassuring.

“Why were you with Guy?” Kakashi blurted, his sad eyes locking on to the other mans for a split second before they were back staring in front of him. There was a short silence before Tenzou registered what he had been asked.

“What? How did you… Oh.”

_Pakkun_.

The dog’s presence suddenly made sense.

“And Genma and Raidou...” Kakashi continued, his eyes unblinking. “You said you needed time _alone_ to think.” He swallowed, his fears surfacing and threatening to shut his brain down. “I guess you just needed time away from _me_.” He said, trying to sound menacing in his vulnerable state. Tenzou thought for a second. He knew he had been caught. He _had_ wanted time alone. Genma just happened to catch him at the right time, in the right state of mind and talk him in to going out. He wasn't exactly a club person. He had made that clear to the trio the night before. He just needed to blow off some steam after a bad mission. But somehow he doubted Kakashi would believe he hadn't planned go out without him.

“I… Intended to spend time alone. I really did.” He said, trying to sound believable. “But Genma cornered me and then one thing lead to another…” Kakashi interrupted him, scoffing loudly and rolling his eyes at the explanation.

“One thing lead to another. I've heard that before.” He spat.

“I’m gunna go boss…” Pakkun interjected, backing away slowly and making to jump off the bed. Kakashi hooked him under the legs, pulling him forward and holding him against his chest.

“Stay like a good dog.” He said firmly. Pakkun’s eyes widened and locked with Tenzou’s as he was squeezed tightly. They shared a quick knowing glance. Pakkun felt bad for the kid. The way he was being held at that moment reminded him somewhat of a much tinier, much lonelier little boy rather than the adult Kakashi was now.

“I'm not cheating on you Kakashi.” Tenzou clarified, realising suddenly what this was really about. Kakashi’s eyes darted to the side, looking away from him. “I would never.” He said softly, moving slightly closer and when the other man didn't object, pulling him and the dog in for a hug.

“Promise?” Kakashi asked, his voice muffled by Tenzou’s shoulder.

“Of course.” The ANBU whispered in his ear, rubbing a soothing hand up and down the other man’s back. They sat still like that for a minute or so until Pakkun began to squirm in between them. They broke apart, the pug gasping for air and sending daggers in their directions. Tenzou steadied himself, preparing for what he knew he had to do but not wanting to hurt his lover. “I hate to do this but… I have to go. I’ve got a briefing for a mission tomorrow and a heap of paperwork to do. I actually need to officially report on yesterday's mission as well come to think of it. So… I won't be home for a while and then… Well then I was thinking of spending some time with Asuma.” He tested, waiting patiently for Kakashi to process what he had said. The silver haired man looked down and away again, obviously upset by this revelation, but not wanting to say so.

He had hoped that Tenzou would want to spend some time with him this afternoon, after training his Genin. He hadn't seen his boyfriend properly in nearly a week and he felt as though he was going mad inside his own brain. He had been more worried than he could remember feeling in a very long time while his lover was gone. He was lonely as hell with only his thoughts to keep him company. He hadn't wanted to summon Pakkun. He was already too dependent on Tenzou. He didn't need to be dependent on a dog as well. But he felt as though if he was going to make it through, he had no choice. Especially if Tenzou was going to keep pushing him away.

Yamato felt sick with himself. He felt like he had just kicked a wounded animal.

But Kakashi nodded slowly, forcing the most reassuring smile he could muster on to his face. He wished he had had the forethought to put his mask on this morning. It would have been so much easier to lie if his partner couldn’t see his face.

 

~

 

“What did I tell you?” Asuma drawled, a backhanded slap filled with judgement hidden within his words. “He’s damaged goods. Those are the words I said. You pursued him anyway and now you’re complaining about how fucked up he is?”

“Asuma.” Kurenai hissed, throwing an apologetic glance in Tenzou’s direction. “Sorry. It's just… He's a little protective of Kakashi.”

“First of all. I'm not complaining. You asked me how things were and I told you. Secondly, if he's so protective of Kakashi then why is the poor guy sitting around thinking he has no friends?” Tenzou snapped, his question directed at Asuma. He felt his hackles raising at the judgement radiating from the Jonin across from him. He had come here to enjoy himself and forget about Kakashi for a bit. He didn’t need to hear the opinions of two people who claimed to be his partner’s friends, but never once showed any initiative when it came to spending time with the man.

“Because. He's. Fucked. Up.” Asuma enunciated, leaning forwards and tapping the table with each word to bring home his point. “Have you not been paying attention? I told you he’s fragile.”

“I know he's fucking fragile!” Tenzou growled, massaging his temples with his thumbs. “I've been taking care of him remember?”

“Taking care of him?” Kurenai asked, her brows raising in surprise. “He's not still sick is he?”

Tenzou stiffened, his own words being repeated to him making him really stop and think about what he had said. No… Kakashi wasn't sick anymore. She was right. He hadn't been assigned to ‘take care of him’ for months now. He was his partner, his lover. That's why he was constantly in his presence.

“No… He's not.” He said slowly, realisation dawning on him. “He's…”

“In love with you.” Asuma finished, sitting back in his chair and pulling out a cigarette.

“Yes.” Tenzou said softly, pictures of a vulnerable, bed ridden Kakashi flashing through his mind as he realised how much better he had actually gotten in the last few months. He had taken his progress for granted. He had always known it would be a tough journey and he boarded the train anyway because he wanted to take it with him. He sighed, his anger dissipating as he rested his face in his hands. “I'm such a dick.” He stated, looking up at his friends who immediately looked away to avoid his eye contact. “You could tell me I’m not.” He offered, folding his arms on the table, his lips a thin line.

“You’re not.” Kurenai said gently, a lingering ‘but’ left unsaid as they stared at each other.

“But?” Tenzou finally asked, not being able to take the suspense anymore.

“But we just think that sometimes you forget how bad he _was_. How bad he _can_ be. He's gotten a lot better. Sure he's still dependant on you but it's not because he _needs_ you to get through the day anymore. It's because he loves you and wants to be gay with you.” Asuma explained.

“Okay… first of all everyone knows we’re gay Asuma. There's no need to say the words ‘be gay with you’. You literally could have just said ‘be with you’.” Tenzou snapped, frustrated with his straight friend’s lack of understanding. He knew he tried, but that didn’t stop his disregard for correct terms from getting to him every now and then. “Secondly you two can remind me how lucky I am all day but that doesn’t change the fact that you would also struggle if you were in my position.”

“Look, my point remains no matter how I phrase it. I understand your frustration. We… probably _could_ be better friends…” He said slowly, shooting a quick look at Kurenai before continuing. “But we’re talking about _you_ here. He loves you. That's why he is always around you. That's why he is protective of you. He's been hurt in the past by people he has allowed himself to love and he's probably scared that he's going to be hurt again.” Asuma sighed. “I understand you must be feeling suffocated. He has a _lot_ of issues but in reality he hasn't done anything wrong. You can’t punish him because you’ve bit off more than you could chew. You’re in this now. You pretty much can't ever leave him.”

“I don't _want_ to leave him. But to say that I _can't_ is a bit oppressive isn't it?” Tenzou asked, his voice small. He knew the answer, but just for a second wanted to pretend he didn't. He had no immediate plans to leave Kakashi, but he would like to think that if it came to that he would still have a choice in the matter.

“Oppressive is a harsh word. Do you remember the advice I gave you before you got with him?” Asuma asked, his face very serious. Tenzou nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. He hadn't forgotten the words, they still echoed in his mind but lately he had been trying profusely to push them away. He didn't want to hear them anymore. He wanted to believe that Asuma was wrong and when Kakashi smiled he really was happy. He wanted to believe that one day everything would get better and he would no longer have to worry so deeply about his lover.

“Always expect the unexpected. Even when he’s happy.” Tenzou repeated solemnly. Kurenai made a small noise, her sad eyes locking on to Tenzou's before she looked away, focusing on something else in the room. Asuma nodded in agreement also looking sad. “Do you think he's just pretending to be happy?” The ANBU asked, dreading the answer. “You don’t think he would….” He trailed off.

A silence filled the room as the question was contemplated.

“I don't know.” Asuma answered finally. “All I know is that if that's what you are worried about then maybe you shouldn't be trying to distance yourself.”

“I don't _want_ to distance myself!” Tenzou almost shouted, anger and premature grief fling his voice. “I mean…. I need some time away from him. I don't _want_ it. I need it, for my _own_ sanity. But I do want to be there for him. I love him. It's just… Harder than I expected. He has so much pain and it's just… Too much.” He finished, tears brimming in his eyes. A flush crept up his cheeks as he realised he was going to cry in front of him comrades. He bit his lip, looking away and breathing heavily through his nose. He hated this. He wished he had someone else to cry with. Someone that would or could hold him while he cried. He needed to be told that everything was alright just as much as Kakashi did. But he couldn’t ask that of boyfriend. It wasn’t fair.

_No one understands. Hell I don't even understand. I want to be with him. I need him as well. But he's so caught up in his own pain that he forgets I have pain as well. But I can't say those things. Not out loud and not to these people. Especially not to him. If I add my pain and guilt on to the long list of things constantly swimming around in his brain then his fragile composure might shatter completely. He feels enough guilt every single day without adding the responsibility of being an emotionally abusive lover on top of that. He probably doesn’t even realise he is one. Some genius…_

Kurenai stood, walking around the table and coming to a halt next to him. Gingerly she reached out, placing a warm hand in his shoulder before slowly circling it around to his back. She leant down, hugging him tight as the last twig holding the dam together snapped. He allowed a few tears to fall as his face was pushed in to her chest. He wondered if the only reason Asuma was allowing this was because he knew how incredibly gay he was.

He wanted to scream at them both. To tell them that they had no idea. He already felt trapped enough in this relationship without his friends taking his lovers side and telling him outright he couldn’t leave if he wanted to.

“I think maybe you do need some time away from Kakashi.” She said gently, turning to face Asuma as she said the words. He nodded slowly understanding her question.

“Yeah… You have your own burdens. You can't be expected to hold someone else's on your shoulders as well. Not alone anyway.”

“What… What does that mean?” Tenzou asked, pulling away from Kurenai’s embrace and rubbing at his eyes.

“You’re not a dick.” Asuma answered. “We’re the dicks. We’re Kakashi’s friends and we have been letting you shoulder all his burdens on your own because we were too afraid to get bogged down in the mess of insanity that is Sharingan Kakashi. You are a selfless person taking him on Tenzou. He is incredibly lucky to have you.”

“Kakashi needs to learn that he has other people to rely on other than you.” Kurenai said, pulling out the chair beside Tenzou and sitting down before reaching out again to rub small circles on his back. “Distancing yourself from him won't help if _he_ won't make the effort to seek out other people.”

“Which we all know he _won't_!” Asuma laughed. “Even if you spend time away from him he will just wait for you to come back and then continue to dump all his problems on you like you were never gone. Why do you think he was so eager to see you when you got back from your mission? Because he spent the week alone. He needs another source of comfort other than you.”

“That's what Guy said.” The ANBU sniffed. “But like you said, he won't make the effort.”

“Yes… So we have to make the effort for him.” Kurenai smiled defiantly. “I have an idea.”

 

~

 

As Tenzou approached his apartment he started to feel guilt settle in his stomach once more. He knew that what they had decided to do would benefit Kakashi. But that didn’t mean he would be happy about it. They needed some time apart. Kakashi needed some friends. He mentally assured himself everything would work out. He just had to get through the first part of the plan.

He phased through the wall, his chakra spiking as it picked up on Kakashi’s coming from the bedroom. Tenzou sighed. He wasn't meant to be home yet. He had actually been hoping he would be out. He knew it was cowardly of him, but it would have been easier if he could have just left a note.

He fussed about in the kitchen for a second, procrastinating on what he knew he had to do. Unfortunately for him he was relatively neat, so there wasn't really much to do. He stood for a minute, contemplating names for a cat he would never purchase before mentally chastising himself for reliving his morning. He inhaled holding his breath and striding determinedly in to the bedroom.

He exhaled in exasperation as his eyes met the sight in front of him. Kakashi stared at him, his Sharingan the only visible part of his body, the rest covered in assorted blankets. This was going to be harder than he had originally thought.

“Why are you in bed so early?” The brunette asked, turning away from his lover to fish through his wardrobe. Kakashi didn't answer. Instead the rustling of sheets indicated that he had withdrawn further in to them. Tenzou sighed for the thousandth time that day, pulling his overnight pack from the bottom of the cupboard and starting to fill it with clothes before slinging it over his shoulder and walking over to stand beside the bed. “I'm going to stay at Asuma’s tonight.” He said finally, watching as the sheets in front of him tensed slightly. Again there was no answer, the silence stretching a lot longer than he would have liked. “Kakashi?” He asked, thinking that maybe the other man had not heard him. “I'm going to stay at Asuma’s.”

Muffled whispers caught Tenzou’s ear and he realised with a small smirk that there was more than one dog under those blankets.

“Okay.” Came the almost inaudible reply from the makeshift blanket fort.

“I'll come back here to get ready before the mission tomorrow but if you’re not here I probably won't see you until dinner, provided it doesn't turn in to an all-nighter.” He stated, leaving no room for argument.

“Okay.” The Copy Ninja replied again, his voice smaller this time.

“Why don't you see what your friends are doing tonight?” Tenzou asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed and feeling around for what he thought might be Kakashi’s side but could have just as easily been a dog's rump. As expected silence ensued. He knew he wouldn't get a bite without any bait, but it was still worth a try.

Kakashi stared at this hand under the blanket. They were shaking, despite the fact that he was sweating under all these blankets. He was freezing. He could feel it inside his chest but no matter how much fabric he covered himself with he couldn't find any warmth. He had summoned Bisuke and Shiba to accompany Pakkun. They were the best cuddlers of the pack and if warmth was what he needed, he knew he would be able to acquire it from those two. Pakkun merely tolerated his neediness. He had never been a ‘sleep up against you’ kind of dog unless he knew his master really needed it.

Tenzou’s hand slipped under the blanket, grabbing for his and squeezing it tight. Gingerly he peeled the blanket away from Kakashi’s face, his brows furrowing at the sight. He had never really appreciated the colour of Kakashi’s pastel skin until the creamy pale was replaced with a washed out ghostly white. His silver hair was plastered to his forehead by a thin layer of sweat. Tenzou pushed it away from his eyes, his frown deepening when he realised that despite the heat he could feel radiating from him, his face was incredibly cold.

“Are you alright?” He asked quietly, brushing his hand once again over a clammy forehead. Kakashi nodded once, refusing to make eye contact with him. Tenzou wasn't convinced, the man was shivering. “Come here.” He ordered, leaning down and wrapping an arm around the other man to help him sit. He pulled him close, holding him tight like he had that morning. “You didn't go to work today did you?” He asked. He felt silver hair tussle softly against his cheek as Kakashi shook his head. He nodded in understanding, wiping a thumb over a stubbly cheek and kissing next to his ear, he whispered in to it. “I love you.”

“I understand.” Kakashi said softly, his hands digging in to Tenzou’s back as he struggled to ground himself.

“Understand what?” The ANBU asked, making to pull away so he could see his eyes. Kakashi held him in place. His strength was apparent even in this vulnerable state.

“I understand why you’re doing this.”

Kakashi whispered, his forehead falling down to rest on Tenzou’s shoulder. The brunette raked a hand up his partner’s neck and through his hair, massaging his scalp lightly before he answered.

“It's better for both of us.” He said finally. Kakashi choked, tears starting to fall. “It's just a night. You’ll be fine.” He said firmly, not sure who he was trying to convince. Kakashi whined softly, his body starting to shake more violently. Tenzou shushed him, running the pads of his fingers up the other man neck.

Kakashi felt sick, his body was rejecting the comfort. His heart was breaking and he felt like he wasn't in control anymore. His swallowed heavily, his mouth too wet but his throat too dry. He wasn't sure how that was possible. He clung to the man in front of him, wanting more than anything to beg him to stay.

_Don’t leave…_

But he understood why. He was an emotional wreck. Life had been testing and teasing him for as long as he could remember. Every time he felt happiness start to creep forwards he held on to the hope that the light would overtake the dark. That the tight grip around his heart would loosen and he could finally allow himself a genuine smile.

But his fate had been sealed since his moment of birth. His only purpose was to live and eventually die for the village. He was a tool. It didn't matter what he felt in between.

He understood Tenzou’s hesitance to continue their relationship. He understood why Iruka had sought comfort in another. He understood that he was a pain in the ass. He was a burden and he was hurting the people around him.

_Everyone has left me…_

He thought bitterly, memories of death and grief flittering through his mind as he fought for control.

Tenzou deserved happiness and Kakashi knew deep down that it would not be found with him. No one he had ever been placed near had found their happiness, not with him around anyway. There were other people more suited to be the emotional rock that Tenzou needed. Because no matter how hard he tried he couldn't bring himself to shoulder someone else’s burdens on top of his own. Tenzou needed someone that could stop feeling sorry for themselves for long enough to listen to his problems. He was not that person.

His Father had left him. _Chosen_ to leave him rather than living on and burdening his only son with his existence. Kakashi wished every day that he had of chosen the other fork in the road. He would have gladly taken on his Father’s burdens. Possibly even as he got older, helped him learn to live with them. If only he had of been old enough to understand at the time. To communicate his need for family. He wondered bitterly if his Father would have listen to him even if he could. Or would he have still chosen to leave? His pleas falling on deaf ears.

Kakashi often wondered if maybe his destiny was to follow the same path as his Father. There was no one left who was willing to help him hold himself up. No one to listen, no one to cling to the way he needed. Not without making their life a living hell in the process. How could he continue to do that to Tenzou? He deserved better.

The older he got, the more he understood why Sakumo had made his choice. The colder his heart became the more he realised that it really was his only way out. The frightened eight year old that had found his Father lying in a mass of his own blood would never have understood the reasons. He would never have forgiven him. But sitting here now in Tenzou’s arms, with the prospect of being left alone again becoming a closer reality than he would have liked. The war torn 26 year old that had seen more than his fair share of death, understood. He forgave The White Fang for leaving him all alone. For being the first person in his life to break his heart.

Pulling away from Tenzou he looked deeply in to his eyes. He smiled sadly as a thumb brushed under his Sharingan to wipe away tears.

“Tenzou…” His whispered, his voice wavering. He trailed off, his forehead falling once again against the soft comfort of his lover's shoulder, leaving the rest of the sentence unsaid.

_I forgive you…_

Tenzou shuddered. Part of him was glad Kakashi couldn't finish his thought. He had a strong feeling he didn't want to know. But the other part was screaming for him to continue. His brain was in turmoil, he couldn't even begin to imagine how Kakashi must be feeling.

“I can't leave you while you’re like this.” Tenzou said softly, rubbing a soothing hand around Kakashi’s back. “I honestly didn't think you would get this upset.” He said curiously. Kakashi stayed silent, his breathing starting to regulate as Tenzou’s voice rumbled deep in his throat against his ear. He held tighter, knowing that this moment would end eventually and wishing desperately for it to go on forever. He was terrified of pulling apart. Knowing it had to happen didn't make it any easier as he struggled with the thought of the last shred of his sanity being ripped away as his lover's body left him.

Tenzou's eyes flicked to the alarm clock on the bedside table. They had been sitting in this position for a full ten minutes. Asuma was expecting him back any second, but Kakashi was incredibly reluctant to let go.

_This is why we need this._

He reminded himself. He needed a night away, a proper one without guilt rising in his gut every time he thought of Kakashi sitting at home alone. Without the fear and dread of being brutally murdered by an enemy Shinobi. He needed a night to himself mostly. To sit alone and read a good book or watch a movie or anything he wanted really. But drinking with Asuma sounded like fun too.

He desperately needed to let off the steam that had been building up since before his last mission. As it happens, going to the club with Genma and Raidou did nothing for his accumulative stress except add to it with the threat of gossip.

Asuma had promised anything goes conversation wise. He was looking forward to getting everything off his chest without judgement. He just wished he didn't have that mission in the morning. But right now he couldn't care less. His mental health was first and foremost before any mission he was assigned. He needed this for his own wellbeing. Judging by how terribly his last mission had gone, in the state he was in now he was no help to anyone. This would be good for him as well as his team. Besides, he was sure he wouldn't be the only hung over team member the next morning. The outcome of Saturday missions varied. But they were generally not considered to be the village’s best work.

Friday night in Konoha didn't usually mean much to the Shinobi population. With missions scattered randomly weekends were not a concept many people really had a chance to enjoy. They took which ever free days they were given to relax and if they just happened to fall on what the civilians referred to as a weekend then they supposed they were lucky as most of the civilian clubs and pubs were open until the wee hours of the morning.

Tonight, was Friday and it was going to be interesting. If everything went to plan within the hour Kakashi would be sulking in a dark corner of a club with Guy and Kurenai hanging off his arms instead of lying around with a couple of dogs in a pile of blankets. Tenzou smiled to himself. If somehow Kakashi managed to forgive him for leaving him for the night, he would never forgive him for what was about to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going away in a couple of days so I'm not sure when I will be able to update next. I might get one more chapter in before I go but we'll see. This was an extra long one so hopefully it keeps you guys well fed. Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think. If you don't already hate me for what I've done to poor Kashi... you will soon enough. :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou feels a flash of jealousy and Kakashi hears some hard truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am officially an asshole! I'm so sorry for keeping you guys waiting so long! I'd be surprised if there is anyone out there still waiting for this chapter. Ugh... I suck. I have been so slack so I wrote a long one for you guys. I hope you like it. I wrote this entire chapter with Guy spelt as Gai and then realised that I had spelt it Guy in previous chapters so I did that thing where you change all Gai's to Guy and it spelt words like against as aGuynst and I was like fuck it. So I had to do it all manually. As usual this is unbeta'd so please forgive any mistakes. :/

Iruka stared at the paper in front of him, his eyes slipping in and out of focus as his mind wandered away from his grading. He sighed, putting down his pen and scrubbing at his face with the palms of his hands. His eyes flicked towards the kitchenette. Misumi was humming, her buttocks bouncing as she moved around the kitchen in her underwear, preparing dinner for the both of them.

He watched her for a second, swallowing hard as he thought about his future. She was beautiful, deadly and headstrong, but she wasn't the one for him. He regretted dragging her in to the mess he had the honour of calling his life. But, as he recalled, she had asked to be here. He had told her more times than he could count how he really felt about her. She was nothing to him. He had felt something for her at first, but the excitement had worn off pretty fast.

The thrill of having a secret life had enthralled him. His boring routine of work and Kakashi had dulled his passion for life and the enthusiasm he once applied so readily to his job at the Academy had faded back to nothing at all. That first night with Misumi played heavily on his mind. When she had leaned in and kissed him, he had known it was wrong. The guilt he still felt when he thought about that moment was overwhelming but the small spark of arousal he felt shoot through his body cemented in his mind the reason he had strayed. It was as if the duration of his relationship with Kakashi had slowly drained the colour from his life one shade at a time. He had become so accustomed to the grey of his everyday life that he hadn't realise how bland he had become. When her lips had brushed against his the colour had exploded back in to his life, the searing heat of her skin scolding him as her fingers lingered against his neck. He had become ravenous, his pupils dilating and all semblance of his normal self was taken over by a manic desire.

He swallowed again, shaking his head slightly to clear it of those thoughts. Every time he was close to ridding himself of her he remembered the way she had changed him. He couldn't recognise himself from that night onwards. A fact that he simultaneously adored and despised. He hated her, her personality and the way she played him like a fiddle. She could turn any argument in to a vicious game ending in rough hate filled sex that left him wanting more of her. She manipulate him, stopped him from leaving with a flagrant mix of flaunting her sexual deviance and begging.

She was a terrible person. He, was a terrible person. He had hurt his lover, his best friend. For a woman he had absolutely no interest in seeing. Her presence only served to sate his thirst and piss him off. He needed to get away from her.

He stood slowly, unconsciously holding his breath as he side stepped towards the doorway. He felt guilt start to rise in his chest as he thought about her feelings. He knew she had them and he had tried to dispel them. He was no better now than when he was with Kakashi. Willingly hurting another for his own selfish gains.

“Where are you going?” She asked, her back still facing him. He stopped shuffling and stared at her. She also worked at the Academy of course she had eyes in the back of her head. She turned to face him, her lips quirking in a small smile. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

He slowly let out the breath he had been holding. His heart thumped in his chest as a wave of déjà vu swept over him. He had been here before, standing in this very spot as his last lover begged him not to leave. She opened her mouth and he cut her off before she could speak the words.

“I’ll be back in a second.” He lied, a reassuring smile plastered on his face. He moved away from her, forgoing his coat to keep up the charade and slipping out the door. It clicked shut behind him and he broke in to a run. The freezing night air burning his nostrils as he breathed it in greedily. He was monster. He needed help.

 

~

 

Kakashi stared at the threads of Tenzou’s shirt, his eyes a blur. The close proximity coupled with tears making it hard to see anything other than black.

He could feel the other man’s impatience in his tense muscles and huffed breath. He knew he wanted to leave. But he couldn't bring himself to let go.

He was a mockery of a man. A pathetic human being that had no right to call himself a Ninja.

_Shinobi rule number 25: A ninja must never show their tears._

He had broken that rule more times than he could count in his lifetime. But recently he had found himself shedding tears at the drop of a hat. He despised himself. He trembled lightly in the other man's grip, all remaining shreds of self-respect being torn away from him as he contemplated life without his lover.

He whispered his thoughts it to the other man's shoulder. Tenzou strained to hear him, catching small portions of muffled sentences. He felt terrible. His boyfriend was breaking apart in his arms and he couldn't use the excuse he was powerless to stop it. He had all the power. Kakashi had none.

He could easily stop this from happening. But it was for the best that he stayed quiet. For the good of their relationship he listened silently to the muffled ramblings of an insane man whose heart was breaking. He would be fine once he left. With Guy and Kurenai he just knew it.

“Don't leave?” Kakashi asked a little louder. Tenzou gritted his teeth. The question was obviously meant to be heard. He refused to answer, holding back his reassurance and feeling his own heart start to break as the hands the clung to him tightened before pulling away all together.

Kakashi averted his eyes, his bangs shadowing them from Tenzou’s view as he stood.

“Where are you going?” He asked, worry spiking in his stomach as his lover walked past him. Kakashi didn't hear his question as he ambled passed, turning in to the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. He slumped against it, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor with his hands in his lap.

Tenzou heard the click of the lock and swallowed thickly. He wasn't sure it was a fantastic idea to leave his broken lover alone and locked in his bathroom. He stood tentatively, walking towards the door and knocking on it hesitantly.

“Kashi?” He asked, listening carefully for a reply. There was nothing. “Kashi?” He asked again, his voice an octave higher as panic started to rise inside him.

“If you’re going to leave just go. Don't drag it out any more than you already have.” Came the surprisingly steady voice from behind the wooden door. Tenzou stood straighter, surprised by the response.

_Even when he seems happy._

He repeated to himself, his mind playing the words over again as he gritted his teeth and took a deep breath.

“I'm not leaving you here locked in the bathroom.” Tenzou said dryly, pursing his lips as he leaned his ear against the door. The room was silent. He pulled away from the door, staring up at the ceiling for a second as he contemplated what he knew he had to do.

He closed his eyes, exhaling sharply as he forced himself to step forwards and phase through the wall to Kakashi’s left. He remained hidden in the wall, opening his eyes and watching silently as Kakashi stared straight ahead, his eyes unfocused.

The Jonin shook his head slightly, blinking as his eye refocused.

“Are you still there?” He asked softly, pupils flicking back towards the door he was leaning on before resting on his feet. Yamato didn't answer, knowing that Kakashi’s canine hearing would pick up on the fact that he was closer to him than outside the door. “Tenzou?” He asked again, pressing his own head back and against the door to listen.

The ANBU held his breath, focusing all his energy on staying completely still. Kakashi’s shoulders slumped in defeat. Tenzou let out a small breath before he passed out. Kakashi stood, biting on his lower lip slightly as he thought.

He began to undress, pulling his shirt over his head and slipping out of his pants so he was clad only in his black boxer briefs. He watched himself in the mirror scratching at his forehead before scrunching his face in disgust and looking away.

He moved to turn on the shower. Leaning in and twisting the taps to the highest setting. He turned, hooking his thumbs underneath the elastic waistband of his underwear. He looked up suddenly, something catching his eye. His lips quirked as he stared at the wall in front of him.

“I didn't take you for the voyeur type, Tenzou.” He said softly, as he pulled off his last remaining shred of clothing. His left eye opened and locked on to the spot in the wall where he knew his lover's eyes were.

Tenzou felt like throwing himself down some stairs. How had he not realised that Kakashi could see his chakra with his Sharingan. No amount of suppressing it could hide himself from Kakashi’s visual prowess.

He stood still, pretending Kakashi had not just addressed him directly. Maybe he had heard wrong. Kakashi’s small smile turned in to a frown as he slowly looked away. He stepped in to the shower moving under the spray, letting it mingle with the dried tears on his cheeks as he ran his hands through his messy hair. Tenzou watched in silence before moving fully in to the bathroom. He leaned against the shower door arms folded and waited for Kakashi to acknowledge him again. The spray was bouncing off the man in front of him and lightly soaking the front of his shirt.

“Are you really coming back tomorrow?” Kakashi asked, his voice so small Yamato nearly missed it. He nodded.

“Of course I am.” He said just as softly, willingly drenching the sleeve of his shirt as he reached in to the spray to caress the other man’s side. “Just one night I promise you.” He reassured.

He knew what Kakashi was really asking. Why the other man was so reluctant to let him go.  But he couldn't let that stop him. It was best for them that they spent some time apart. If he didn't have a recreational night away every now and then he would surely go insane.

_Maybe we would be happier if we were_ both _insane._

His mind chuckled slightly at the thought. It wasn't fair to categorise Kakashi as simply insane. He was a special type of crazy. One he was sure he wouldn't be able to live without, no matter how much he tried.

“So who is watching me?” Kakashi asked after a minute of silence. Tenzou was staggered, he hadn't expected his lover to clue on to his plan. After a moment of shocked silence Kakashi tuned to look at him. “I assume you have arranged for me to be ‘ _taken care of_ ’ why you’re out. Lest I do something _stupid_.” He said bitterly. The emphasis on the last word making the brunette cringe.

“Guy.” He answered with a small smirk. Kakashi rolled his eyes, throwing his head back in exaggerated exasperation.

“Whyyy?” He wined, his incredulous look making Tenzou smile. A small glimpse of the Kakashi he had fallen in love with was worth the inevitable whinging that was sure to come.

“Because he’s your best friend.” The ANBU answered simply. Kakashi looked taken aback. He opened his mouth to protest before shutting it with a click and pushing his head underneath the water. “I’ll wait until they get here and then I'll leave. It should be any min…”

_“They?”_ Kakashi asked, his eyes wide and his mouth a thin line.

“Oh yeah… Kurenai too.” Yamato clarified. Kakashi opened his mouth. “Because she cares about you.” He answered, pre-empting the question. Kakashi’s mouth slammed shut with enough force to crack a tooth.

“What exactly are they planning on doing with me?” He asked, his voice a growl.

“Oh I think they’re taking you out.” Tenzou smiled, knowing full well what was going to happen. But better not spook him before they could even get here. “So scrub up.” He grinned, slapping his wet hand on Kakashi’s back and exiting the bathroom before the other man could protest.

 

~

 

“Rival!” Guy screamed, slamming in to the silver haired man and bowling him over with the force. They landed hard on the wooden floor in a tangled mess of long limbs. Guy’s teeth glinted as he grinned down on his best friend. Arms either side of his head and crotch resting on crotch.

Yamato stood slack jawed in the doorway, his eyes flicking between the two men on the floor and Kurenai who didn't look at all surprised.

Kakashi glared up at the other man. It was hard to keep his eyes annoyed with the stupid grin he was hiding under his mask. He prayed Guy couldn't see because of the shadow. He would never live it down if the Blue Beast realised he had missed him.

“Should… Um… Should I be worried about this?” Tenzou whispered as Kurenai gave him a bright smile.

“Nah, they’ve been like this for years.” She giggled, walking further in to the room and resting her hands on her hips. “Ready to have some fun Kakashi?” She asked, leaning over slightly so he could see her face but not up her skirt.

“Wow you’re um… Still on the ground... Together…” Yamato piped up. He was surprised to feel jealously rising in him. The way Guy was straddling his boyfriend’s hips. That was his job.

“Get up boys you’re making the tree uncomfortable.” Kurenai laughed, reaching down to tug on Guy’s arm. He obliged, rising and then extending his hand to help Kakashi to his feet. Kurenai turned to the brunette, her smile kind as she rested a hand on his chest. “It's alright, he’s with us. Go have fun tonight.” She said, pressing firmly.

He could feel Kakashi’s stare penetrating his side and he turned to make eye contact. It was weird seeing him with his mask on. He so often had it off now days that something that seemed fairly normal all his life was suddenly deemed odd in his mind.

The bored expression Guy and Kurenai were witnessing was nothing but. Even with the mask on Tenzou could see the question. The insecurities and the anxious worry that marred his beautiful face.

Kakashi was no doubt trying his hardest to hide those things from everyone but him. The disinterested stare was broken by his lover. His eyes shifting towards the door and then back to him. Yamato nodded only slightly, enough for Kakashi to see only because he was waiting for it.

“Alright, have fun guys.” He said breathily, turning on his heel and heading towards the door. He stopped with his hand on the knob. “Love you Kakashi.” He said suddenly, turning to watch as his lover's eyes blew wide and the skin above his mask went Scarlett. He chortled to himself, slipping out the door quickly and quietly as Guy started shouting about true love in the springtime of youth.

 

~

 

“I hate this.” Kakashi grunted as a fruity drink was thrust in to his hand. The glass was sticky, the table was sticky, the floor was sticky and if he had to hazard a guess he would say that even the ceiling of this particular establishment was sticky.

“You need to loosen up Dear Rival. You have not been at your best lately.” Guy said rather softly for Guy. Kakashi smiled beneath his mask. Even if it seemed at times that Guy had no volume setting, he knew better than anyone that this was not the case. He was capable of being discreet when the situation called for it.

“What do you mean, not at my best?” He asked as softly as he could while still having to yell over the thumping music. Kurenai shot a look at the other man, a clear warning to keep his trap shut. Kakashi trusted Yamato. It wouldn't do to tell him exactly how much the other man had complained about him.

“Oh… Well… You haven't really been at your best for a while now…” Guy floundered. Kurenai jumped in, her voice soothing over Kakashi’s frayed nerves.

“What Guy means is we haven't really seen you since you broke up with Iruka. You shut yourself off and we were worried about you.”

The mention of Iruka caught him by surprise. He still thought about the other man from time to time but it seemed like an eternity ago they were happy together. The only thoughts he could muster of the Chunin now were unhappy, broken thoughts of betrayal.

“I’m fine.” Kakashi lied, closing his eyes and smiling widely. Kurenai rolled her eyes and looked to Guy for support.

“He hurt you.” Guy said finally. Kakashi’s eyes snapped opened and he pulled back slightly. He was starting to feel cornered. The two of them on the other side of the booth against him. Tenzou had promised him this would be fun.

“I don't want to talk about Iruka.” Kakashi said sharply, folding his arms like a stubborn child.

“Alright.” Guy said, picking up his own fruity drink and downing it. Kurenai sipped at her beer, trying to ignore the tension between them.

“It’s just that…” Kakashi stopped himself mid-sentence. He was about to reveal something personal to two other people.

_What am I doing? Is it the alcohol? No…. I've only had one. Maybe it's the whole bar setting making me feel as if I should share my woes…_

He thought, remembering a scene from Icha Icha where the main character drowned their sorrows at a local bar. Drinking their night away while sprouting nonsense at an unsuspecting barkeep. He wondered briefly if that scene was taken from Jiraiya’s own experiences.

He looked up again, his friend’s eyes glinting expectantly. He had to say something now. He couldn't leave them hanging or they would surely pester him.

“It's just that... Thinking about him, still hurts me.” He said finally. He was once again taken aback by his own honesty. He hadn't even admitted that much to Tenzou. Although they rarely spoke of the Chunin since Kakashi had confessed his love for the ANBU.

“Of course it still hurts you.” Kurenai said sympathetically. She frowned slightly at Kakashi’s furrowing brows. “You loved him and he hurt you.”

“Then pretended like you hurt him.” Guy interjected. Kurenai nodded her agreement. Kakashi’s mouth was dry. He loved Tenzou, why were they talking about Iruka like he loved _him_.

“Kakashi…” Kurenai started slowly. “Do you and Tenzou ever speak about Iruka?” She asked. Kakashi shook his head vehemently.

“Not since we started dating.” He answered quickly.

“And when exactly was that?” She asked. Guy watched on, eyes flicking between them both. Kakashi stayed quiet, not liking the direction this conversation was taking. “How long after you and Iruka broke up?” She pressed.

“I don't know.” He said quietly, looking away from her. Kurenai sat back, knowing exactly how long it was.

“Kakashi you’re allowed to talk about your ex.” She said simply. Kakashi shook his head again, his eye wide.

“I don't want to. I love Tenzou.”

“I know you do.” She said in exasperation. “But I think maybe you need to talk about Iruka. The way he made you feel. What exactly happened that caused the rift between the two of you. Tenzou loves you, he will listen to your feelings. He needs to hear them so he knows why you sometimes act the way you do.”

“Act like what?” Kakashi asked defensively, leaning forwards, his hand clenching in to a fist on the table. His friends leaned forwards, both pressing a hand each on top of his fist. He relaxed slightly at the contact.

“Insecure.” Guy answered before Kurenai could. “Sad.”

Kakashi gaped. Tenzou _had_ been talking to them. They knew his secrets.

“I’m not…”

“Yes you are.” Guy said firmly. “And that's okay sometimes but if you aren't careful it might push the ones you love away. You’ve been pushing me away your whole life but I remain loyal to you as a fiend and rival. I have no trouble believing young Tenzou will do the same. But you need to be careful. I am not always a brilliant judge of character or situation.”

_No shit._

Kurenai thought to herself, tightening her hold on Kakashi’s hand in case he decided to flee.

“What Guy is saying is even if you love each other Tenzou may not fully understand the way your previous relationship made you feel. You need to tell him everything. When he decides to go out and you want him to stay in, instead of just asking him to stay tell him why it's important to you for him to stay. He may still want to go but that's okay. You can't keep guilting him in to spending time with you.” She hesitated, not sure if she should continue with her thought. She inhaled deeply, looking to Guy before continuing. He nodded once. Kakashi needed to hear this. “It's hurting him.” She finished.

Kakashi visibly flinched. There was a long silence as he contemplated her words. He knew she was right, he just didn't want to believe it. He was hurting Tenzou.

“What if I say it wrong?” Kakashi asked finally, his eye staring at his own lap.

“Say what wrong?” Guy asked, moving forward on his chair.

“What if I explain it wrong and he gets mad?” Kakashi mumbled. Kurenai stood, moving in to the seat next to him so she could hear him better.

“What do you want to say?” She asked. “If you could redo tonight, what would you say to make him stay?”

“Don’t go.” Kakashi answered, his throat feeling tight.

“Why?”

“Because I’ll miss you.”

“No… You need a better reason than that.” Kurenai encouraged gently.

“Like what?”

“Why don't you want him to go?”

“Because I'll miss him.” Kakashi answered again, feeling frustration bubbling inside of him. The Kunoichi sighed, rubbing his bicep with her hand lightly. There was a pause. “Because when you leave I'm afraid you won't come back.” Kakashi said softly, his heart in his throat.

“Why?” She asked so quietly he nearly missed it. Guy leaned in, straining to hear their whispers over the music.

“Because…” Kakashi paused again, focusing all his energy on not letting his voice crack. “Because everyone I love, doesn't come back eventually.” He answered, blinking furiously.

Kurenai felt her heart sink, she looked away from him, her gaze resting on the sticky table. Guy looked solemn. He sighed softly, mouth twisting in to a pained smile. Kakashi was grateful for the dimly lit club, the shadows covering the contouring on his mask so they couldn't see his lip trembling or the way his face was red with the strain of holding back his emotions.

“Kakashi.” Kurenai whispered, her voice reminiscent of the way Rin and had said his name with her final breath. The way Obito had whispered it when he was telling them he was dying. The way Iruka had uttered it in the hospital room the night he had collapsed.

“I think I need to go home.” He said dryly, making to stand. Kurenai latched herself on to his arm, holding him in place. He felt uncomfortable yet strangely content with the amount of contact she was giving him.

“Please don't go.” She said kindly. “We won't talk about this anymore. We know you don't mean to hurt Tenzou. We’ll stop, we were just trying to help.”

“Shouldn’t you explain to me why you don't want me to go?” He asked sarcastically, sinking back in to the chair and forcing his features to resume their bored expression. There was a long silence as each member at the table contemplated what their new topic of conversation should be.

“Can I ask you guys something?” Kakashi asked finally, breaking the silence and taking them both by surprise. They both nodded eagerly. “If… If I don't get better at this stuff… Will he leave me?”

His friends held their breaths, looking from each other to him before both spluttering their answers over top of each other. Kakashi listen to them, not taking in their scattered reassurance as he mulled over the answer they had given him with their reactions.

_Yes. He would._

Kakashi stood, pushing past Kurenai and making a bee line for the bathroom. He needed a second alone, but if he left he would never hear the end of it from both of his friends as well as a Tenzou.

_Then again maybe I would hear the end of it._

He thought as he pushed open the surprisingly unsticky door. Guy was right behind him he could feel it. He walked up to the sink, sticking his hands on either side of it and leaning heavily. He stared at the stains in the bowl, wishing he was anywhere else right now.

“Kakashi?”

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes for a moment before looking up in to the mirror. His eye connected with the man behind him.

_Iruka..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh what's going to happen next... Lol. Sorry again for keeping you all waiting so long. Hopefully I'll be able to update more frequently now. Let me know what you thought and even where you think this should go if you want. :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka's confrontation causes Kakashi to make some hard decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry this chapter is so late and then it’s also half the size of my normal chapters. I’ve been having trouble with inspiration for this one, even though I do know how I want the story to turn out I’ve been having trouble writing anything of late. Thanks to anyone who is still reading and I apologise in advance for the quality of my work here. A special thanks to Haishe who's encouragement helps me get my ass in gear.

Yamato smiled in to his beer. His eyelids felt heavy and he blinked slowly to keep them from drooping completely. He looked up at his friends, a goofy grin plastered on his usually stoic face.

Asuma was staring back at him, his own stupid smile mirroring Tenzou’s as they both began to laugh at nothing. Genma snorted, pointing to his chin and then at Asuma. The man grunted before reaching up to wipe foam out of his beard.

Yam’s cheeks hurt from smiling. He hadn’t laughed this hard or smiled so long in a good few months. That thought nagged at him, guilt threatening to rise up from his stomach where he had been keeping it at bay.

He hoped Kakashi was having fun. This night was more for him that it was for Tenzou. He needed to know he had other people in his life to rely on. He had friends he could lean on for support when his lover was away on missions. People who cared about him and would miss him if he died.

Genma punched him lightly in the arm, pulling his thoughts back to the present. Yam stared at him for a second, wondering exactly how the other man had managed to invite himself to this gathering.

“You were a million miles away.” The Senbon user said light-heartedly, giving him a small smile. “Stop thinking about him.” He said firmly before returning to his pervious conversation with Asuma.

Yamato smiled to himself again. If he wasn’t so sure Genma was just here for the gossip, he might have been tricked in to thinking he cared about him.

 

~

 

Iruka watched from a distance, not wanting to interrupt. He hadn’t seen Kakashi since the mission’s room that day. He had run off, obviously embarrassed by taking the wrong scroll. Iruka still felt a little bad about that. But he had brought it on himself.

He strained to hear them, unsure how they could even hear each other over the loud music, even with their close proximity. Kurenai moved around the table sitting next to Kakashi as she whispered to him.

Iruka mouth fell open slightly at the mention of his name. It was all he had heard of the sentence, but it was enough to make him involuntarily move closer. He watched Kakashi shake his head, his face growing heated with whatever they were discussing. Iruka’s mouth felt dry. He had no idea Kakashi even still thought about him, let alone spoke about him with his friends.

Kakashi stood suddenly, moving to the bathroom, obviously trying to get away from them. The blue beast stood as well but Iruka was faster, swerving in front of him and knocking him in to a waitress as he practically sprinted after the Copy Ninja.

 

~

 

Misumi watched from the shadows as Iruka leapt after his ex-lover, shoving another man out of the way and causing him to stop and apologise to the people he had knocked over. Her face felt hot as her blood began to boil. She had tracked him here, to this dingy club after he had not returned for dinner. It had occurred to her earlier that he had been acting strange. But he always returned home after he tried to run away. Like a beaten puppy returning to its abusive owner he cowered under her rage, promising he never actually intended to leave her.

She smiled smugly as she let the current predicament slip from her mind for a second. He knew he was being manipulated, but was too scared to leave. She had always felt confident in her ability to keep him coming back to her. Tonight was the exception.

She stood, her body dragging her forward towards the bathroom door. She hesitated outside only slightly, her free will gone as she pushed through it with force. Jealousy and rage spun in her mind as she approached the pair. They were standing so close, the words flying from Iruka’s lips like a knife in her throat.

 

~

 

Kakashi stared at the other man in the mirror. His stomach dropped as he looked in to those deep brown eyes. He spun around, Iruka taking it as an invitation. The other man was on him in a second, his chest inches from his as a tanned hand came up to stroke his masked face lightly.

Kakashi flinched, his hands trembling against the basin he was leaning on.

“I still love you.” Iruka whispered as the bathroom door flew opened once more. Iruka ignored it, staring deep in to Kakashi’s eye as it flicked wilding around the room.

He batted the hand away, slipping out of the Chunin’s reach and up against the opposite wall. His mind was in over drive, the room starting to feel fuzzy as his uneven breathing got the better of him. Iruka ignored the rejection, walking forwards once more, this time stopping a metre in front of the other man.

“I really am sorry.” He said softly, his voice breaking slightly as tears welled up in his eyes. “For what I did to you. Everything I did to you.”

Kakashi stared, his lip trembling under his mask as memories of betrayal flooded his mind. He was only half aware of the presence behind Iruka. He couldn’t see her from where she was standing. But he could smell her. The same putrid smell of her perfume. He might have actually found pleasant in another time line. But not this one. The smell only served to further the assault of his terrible memories.

“Please forgive me?” Iruka asked, taking a step closer. Kakashi was stuck against the wall, with nowhere to physically run. “Come home? To _your_ house.” Iruka whispered, another step and they were almost touching again.

“Iruka!” Misumi shouted, leaping forwards and tugging on his arm. She yanked him backwards, his eyes wide as he actually registered her presence for the first time. He stared at her, his face turning from sadness to anger as he shrugged her off him.

“Fuck off! This has nothing to do with you.” He growled, turning back to a stunned Kakashi.

The Jonin stared at the scene before him, his brain trying desperately to make sense of everything that had happened in the last few seconds. He hadn’t been expecting an ambush, especially not from his ex-boyfriend. He expected Guy, maybe. Actually he had felt his Chakra following him in here. Where was he?

“Come home with me?” Iruka asked again, his voice more demanding this time.

“No…” Kakashi said softly, swallowing hard as he eyed the door. He needed to get out, to find Tenzou and make this nightmare end.

Iruka’s eyes turned sharp. They narrowed as Kakashi began to lift his hands. He was preparing to teleport. Iruka leapt forwards, grabbing Kakashi’s wrists and pinning them separately above his head, a feat he would not have been able to accomplish if Kakashi wasn’t drunk and slightly in shock.

“I’m sorry.” Iruka said again, this time harshly, his spit dampening the other man’s mask his face was so close.

“I don’t care!” Kakashi yelled back, his right hand flashing with lighting and causing the Chunin to leapt backwards with a yelp. “You fucked up Iruka!” He screamed, the skin above his mask crimson as his own rage boiled inside of him. “I hate you!” He bellowed, his hands making signs faster than the eye could see. Lighting sprang forth and charged towards the other man’s chest. He dodged just in time. Kakashi’s attack leaving a sizeable hole in the wall where he had been.

Kakashi was breathing hard, his mind in turmoil as he tried to process his own actions. He would have killed Iruka if he hadn’t moved in time. The Kunoichi was crouched against one of the toilet stalls, her head in her hands. He watched her body shiver, feeling disgust in himself as he realised people were right about him. He was dangerous. A monster.

Iruka advanced on him like a snarling wild dog. His arm crackled to life again, a warning to not come any closer. The other man stopped, his face so red he looked like he might actually pop.

“You fucking bastard!” He snapped. “I tell you I still love you, I’m sorry and you try and kill me! You’re a pathetic piece of shit! You don’t deserve anything! Anyone! You are a fucking pitiful loser and no one, the wood user included, would miss you if you died! Which is exactly what you should do! Lay down and die like your fucking Father!” Iruka screamed, his mouth was practically foaming, his eyes almost scarlett.

Kakashi’s arm sparked before flickering back to normal, his fight gone. He stared at the people in front of him, his heart aching as his mind echoed those words back to him over and over.

The bathroom door flew opened again, there was only a second of warning before Iruka was flat on his stomach, Guy pinning him down with his ass on his back.

“Kakashi?” Guy asked, pushing Iruka’s struggling face in to the disgusting bathroom floor. Kakashi ignored him, raising his hands and signing a teleportation jutsu before anyone could think. He appeared in the forest, not really sure where. He hadn’t planned where he was going to go, he just went.

He started at the damp grass under him. The silence of the forest at night coupled with his own heart drumming in his chest hurting his ears more than the music at the club ever could.

He fell to his knees before letting his entire body slump to the side. He pulled down his mask, gasping for air as his pale cheek rubbed against the cool dirt. Too upset to produce tears he simply stared at nothing, his eyes and ears throbbing in time with his heartbeat.

He lay for a while, rethinking the last few years of his life over and over before going back even further and reliving his childhood.

Iruka was right, there really was no one who would truly miss him if he were gone. Everyone that had really cared for him up until this point was already dead. With the exception of Tenzou and maybe Guy.

_Tenzou…_

Kakashi thought, a stabbing pain in his gut pushed him up in to a sitting position as he thought about his lover. He wasn’t sure lover was the right word for Tenzou. He hadn’t been acting very… lovingly lately. Always trying to get away from him, telling him that spending time apart was good for their relationship but was it really? Was it truly good for them both if Kakashi felt too sick to eat? Too tired to get out of bed.

Probably not, but it was good for Tenzou and that’s really all that mattered when he really thought about it. That’s why he had gone out tonight. It’s why he was trying really hard to change, to be a desirable mate.

He stared at his knees, his hands clutching at his stomach as he finally felt his eyes prick with tears. He was hurting Tenzou. This, what had happened, it would hurt Tenzou.

He whined softly, his shoulders shaking as fought the urge to vomit, the unfair irony of the situation too much for his body to take. He needed his lover badly. Needed to be held and told he wasn’t a bad person. That what he had done tonight was right and he was still worthy of the other man’s love even if Iruka’s words rang true.

He could never tell him. He would not burden the wood user with his problems any longer. He would never find out what Iruka had said. Never find out that he had spent the night crying in the forest instead of having ‘fun’ with his ‘friends’ as planned.

Speaking of crying, he wouldn’t do that anymore either. Not in front of the other man anyway. He would hide his grief, only letting it out when he was alone.

He needed Tenzou, needed him more than he had ever needed another human in his life. He wouldn’t jeopardise their relationship by making him unhappy. Unhappier than he had been in the last few weeks anyway. He would be a stand up partner, exactly what his lover needed him to be. He would be his rock. Shouldering all his burdens wordlessly and making life as pleasant as possible for him, no matter the cost to his own happiness. As long as he had Tenzou, he could be happy.

_ Theoretically. _

His mind screamed as he made his decision.

_How long can you really hide how you feel?_

Kakashi ignored the voice as he stood, wiping at his bloodshot eyes.

_How long until he realises something’s up?_

He brushed dirt off his cheek and pulled up his mask.

_Won’t it hurt him more to find out you have been pretending for his sake?_

He raised his hand, making signs and suddenly appearing on the veranda of a large wooden cabin. Guy jumped slightly, but schooled his features as he paused his ascend of his front steps. He took in the blood shot eye and the smell of tears and smiled sympathetically.  

“Are you alright?” He asked rather seriously.

“That never happened.” Kakashi said firmly, his voice gravellier than intended. Guy looked quizzical. “That thing with Iruka. It never happened. We had a good night, you took me home drunk and put me to bed. Do you understand?” Kakashi asked, taking a step towards his rival. Guy nodded solemnly, unsurprised when the man before him vanished a second later. No doubt off to give Kurenai the same cryptic warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that in the last chapter I had Iruka think about how Misumi keeps him around with sex and begging. But I wanted to show in this chapter a small glimpse in to how she perceives their relationship. They are on completely different pages. He isn’t afraid of her as she imagines and to her mind, she’s never begged him stay. I know these two aren’t the main focus here, but their dysfunctional relationship is definitely worth shining a light on. 
> 
> I also wanted to show some of Kakashi's thoughts on the situation at hand because I have often written from Yam's point of view, with him assuming how Kakashi feels when, lets be honest, he probably couldn't even guess the intensity of Kakashi's hate for himself. So let me know what you guys think and also, if you are still enjoying it. :/


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the long wait in between chapters. I have been preoccupied with another project, also I broke my elbow and it was hard to type in that cast, haha whoops :|

Tenzou heaved, his stomach and chest aching with the force of it. He sat up straighter, wiping cold sweat from his clammy forehead before forcing himself to stand and stumble towards his discarded pack. He dug out his water from the bottom of it, swirling it around in his mouth and spitting unappealingly as he tried to rid his mouth of the taste of regret.

“Captain?” Yugao asked tentatively from her place a couple of feet away. Tenzou rolled his eyes. He cared deeply for the girl, but today he was not in the mood. “If you are unwell perhaps we should go back to HQ.” 

“No.” Tenzou answered quickly, shoving his water back in to his pack and slinging it over his shoulder. “We carry on.”

“But Captain…” She protested.

“I asked you to stay with the others.” Tenzou snapped, forgetting himself in the mist of his hangover “Do not question me.” Yugao nodded, looking down at her feet as she trailed behind him back to where the rest of the team was waiting.

They re-joined with the others and continued on their way. Tenzou blinked rapidly, trying to clear his vision as he was forced to move to a pace his sluggish body was not comfortable with.

Drinking the night before a mission was not his smartest idea. He had enjoyed himself at the time, but he was being punished for it now. He had not had a real hang over like the one he was currently experiencing in years. The kind of drumming haze that made him rethink his entire life up until that point.

But honestly the worst part of it all was that he wasn’t even sure if his plan had worked. He had left for his mission after waking up on the couch in Asuma’s apartment with Genma’s legs draped over his. He hadn’t a chance to return home and assess the situation. He needed this mission to go quickly so he could get back and find out exactly what had happened to Kakashi the night before.

 

~

 

Kakashi breathed heavily, his forearm resting over his eyes to block out the afternoon sun as he tried to force himself back to sleep. He had awoken with a start 2 minutes earlier, the urge to get up and wash his hands was niggling at him in the same way his bladder did when he needed to use the bathroom. The psychological need was as real to him as a physical one. Something that many people misunderstood.

Reluctantly his moved from his bed and made his way in to the bathroom, turning on the basin and scrubbing hard at his right hand. The hot water seared his skin. He ignored it even as the water circling the drain began to run red.

He pulled it out from under the stream staring at it with bloodshot eyes as he examined his own blood and mistook it for hers. It would never really be clean. That was something he had long ago come to terms with.

His skin had been brushed away all down the inside of his palm, it was angry and sore while the back of his hand was also red and scared from the constant scrubbing it was not bleeding like his palm.

As he returned to the bedroom he took in the sight of the sun setting just above Minato’s stone face and sighed. He had no idea how long Tenzou would be gone for. Probably another day at the very least. But that was okay. As much as he needed him, he needed the time more. Time to process the decision he had made. Time to think about how he would go about hiding his own feelings in place of letting them show.

He had spent his life running from his demons. Hiding from the fact that he needed help and holding everything he felt inside. But the last few months of his life had changed him. He had finally realised how good it felt to let things out. To have someone hold him and tell him all the things he needed to hear, whether they were true or not.

It had been a good few months. For him.

He slipped back under the covers, taking the spare pillow from next to his own and bringing it to his front. He nuzzled his nose in to it affectionately and exhaled shakily. He didn’t want to go back to being that person. He liked the fact that someone had allowed him to open up to them. He had believed for the first time in his life that someone did truly care about what was upsetting him.

But he had been selfish.

_A pathetic piece of shit. A pitiful loser._

He repeated to himself. Iruka’s words echoing around him as he tried to remember why exactly Tenzou had wanted him in the first place.

_Pity_

Was the one word that seemed to come to mind when he thought about it. He had invited him to stay here out of pity. To share his bed out of pity and to be his lover, out of pity.

The lump in his throat became more evident as his chest began to tighten. This was good. He decided. He needed to get it out, be done with this by the time Tenzou returned home. He needed to be exactly what his lover needed. Whatever he wanted.

His tears stained the pillow under him as he reached in to his pocket and took hold of the small object there. He clutched it to his chest, feeling defeat overwhelm him as he resigned himself to going back to whatever he was before.

Anything was better than the monster he had become lately. He brought the stuffed dog to his face and rested it against a wet cheek. He needed to grow up.

 

~

_Three days._

Tenzou grumbled to himself as he stomped through the village gates.

_Three fucking days._

That’s how long he had been gone. The mission hadn’t even been intended to be an over-nighter. He did not pack thoroughly enough for the duration of his trip. Although he probably would have if his mind hadn’t been so pre-occupied the night before with his personal life.

He briefed the Hokage on what had happened, momentarily explaining why they had been gone for so long before being dismissed and given 2 days off to tend to his personal affairs. He had been taken aback by that order, worried that something grim may have happened in his absence. But she quickly reassured him everything was fine. Kakashi was alive, although he had not reported to train with his team at all this week. When he failed to show up on the second day she had sent Asuma to check on him.

She finished her small explanation by ordering him to go home and shower. The hangover never did leave him. Starting out already parched and then being stuck out in the open with minimal water kept him thoroughly dehydrated for the entire duration of the mission. He had thrown up more than once in the last couple of days.

Tenzou used the last of his strength and teleported back to his apartment. He appeared outside the front door, affording himself time to assess the situation before being thrown in to it.

He rubbed his dirt covered face, knowing deep down that this wasn’t going to be fun for anyone. He had promised Kakashi one night alone and that had turned in to four in the blink of an eye. He was surely an emotional wreck by this point, even if his plan had succeeded. He had fucked it up by being selfish and taking action the night before a mission.

He opened the door intentionally loudly, slamming it behind him and making as much noise as possible as he slipped off his boots. He didn’t want to startle the other Jonin.

Kakashi entered the living room slowly, looking tentative as he raised one hand in a small wave. He looked like shit. His t-shirt hung loosely on him thinner than ever frame and his cheeks seemed sharper than ever as they hollowed out and defined his cheek bones. The dark circles around his eyes tainted pale skin and made him look like he had tried to rub away eyeliner without water.

“Hey.” Tenzou said softly after taking a second to look him up and down.

“Hey.” Kakashi answered, looking at his feet as he hovered uncertainly. He had vowed to do everything in his power to make Tenzou happy. But seeing him now, after days of being alone was almost too much for him to take, his clenched his teeth hard to stop tears from falling down his cheeks. That was not what Tenzou wanted. It wouldn’t make him happy.

Yamato moved forward slowly, stopping in front of his lover and pulling him against his chest in a tight hug. Kakashi kept his teeth clenched, shutting his eyes tight as he rested his forehead on his lovers shoulder. His arms wrapping around the other man and clutching at him almost painfully.

“I missed you.” He admitted when he finally felt he could speak without his voice wavering.

“I missed you too.” Tenzou whispered, bringing a hand upwards to run through dirty silver hair. It was obvious to him that Kakashi hadn’t showered at all since he returned home from his night out. He pulled back, holding the other man at arm’s length and smiling sadly. “I really need a shower.” He said, pausing and looking the other man up and down apologetically. “And so do you.” He chuckled. Kakashi nodded, feeling his cheeks turning pink as he looked away. “Come on.” Tenzou smiled, taking his hand and leading him through to the bathroom.

He turned on the hot water in the shower and they undressed in silence as steam started to fill the room. He was looking forward to feeling clean again. He was not oblivious to the fact that he was caked in dirt and blood.

Kakashi adjusted the temperature to something bearable as Tenzou removed the last of his clothing. He slipped inside, standing directly under the spray and enjoying it for a second before moving out of the way so the other man could join him.

Tenzou thanked him, taking his place under the water and sighing contently as he felt the mission grime start to wash away.

Kakashi winced as the water came in to contact with his right hand. He pulled it out of the spray, examining it for a second while Tenzou had his eyes closed. He removed in from the water, reaching for the soap with his left hand and lathering himself as best he could, one handed before moving on to his partner.

He gently spun the other man around, letting him hog the water as he ran the bar up and down his back, pressing more firmly in certain places and softer in others as he massaged while he cleaned. Tenzou leaned forwards, resting his forehead against the cold shower tiles and finding it helped to relieve his throbbing headache. He moaned as the tension he had been feeling for days started to melt away under his lover’s hand.

Kakashi gasped when Tenzou moaned, feeling his member start to respond. It had been a while since they had done anything sexual. A thought that scared him most of all. They had only been together for a couple of months and with Kakashi’s depression squashing his sex drive things had slowed considerably in the bedroom. He made him worry that Tenzou would get bored of him.

Kakashi swallowed, knowing what he had to do. He was going to be Tenzou’s rock. That’s what he had decided. He knew what it was like to come home from a mission that had run long. He knew what his partner needed in that moment but although his body had responded naturally to the delicious sound of his lover’s approval he couldn’t honestly say he felt up to giving him what he needed. If he was being honest he was having a hard time just standing in the shower. He hadn’t forced himself to eat in days and his legs felt like jelly.

Tenzou turned around suddenly, locking his eyes with mismatched beauties and diving forwards. His hand fisted in Kakashi’s hair as he pushed him up against the shower wall with the weight of his body. His erection rubbed heavily in to the other’s pelvis. He felt the other man’s body respond to the kiss and smiled as he ground against him. It had been too long.

Kakashi gave in when he felt himself grow hard, moaning as the other man’s hips rocked towards him and his erection was forced roughly against his own abdomen. He dropped the soap in his left hand and wrapped it around the back of Tenzou’s head, breaking the kiss and using his grip to tilt the brunette’s neck. He nibbled a trail from his ear down to his shoulder and then pulled back staring at the other man, wondering why he had stopped responding.

Tenzou pulled away from him and before he knew what was happening he was holding his right hand up to examine it for himself. Kakashi pulled it away quickly, hiding it behind his back as Tenzou’s face fell.

Kakashi felt panic start to zero in on him. He was trying so hard to make this about Tenzou. To be everything he needed right now after a gruelling mission. Everything he wanted.

But he had fucked it up again. Without even trying he had made it about himself and Tenzou had given him that look. The sad, disappointed look that ripped his heart to pieces and made him feel as though someone was scrubbing his eyes with sandpaper.

“I…” He started, not sure what to say. Tenzou bent to pick up the soap, lathering himself up as Kakashi struggled with his words. They stood in silence as the brunette rinsed himself off. “Don’t worry about it.” Kakashi said finally as his lover exited the shower. That really was the only thing he could say.

“How am I supposed to just not worry about it?” Tenzou asked, turning to face him. “I care about you.”

Kakashi turned off the shower and followed the other man out, grabbing a towel as he went. He rubbed it through his hair, dripping water on to the bedroom floor while he watched Tenzou look for some clothes. Kakashi’s mind reeled as he tried to think of how to make it better. How to take the focus off himself and put it back on his lover.

He stepped forwards, pushing Tenzou heavily and catching him off guard.

“What the..?” Tenzou asked as he landed on the bed behind him. His question was cut off as Kakashi crawled on top of him and kissed him deeply. His hands roaming down his chest to play with his lover’s nipples.

Tenzou groaned in to the kiss, throwing his head back and scrunching his eyes closed as Kakashi moved down his neck, sucking and biting.

“Don’t mark me too hard.” Tenzou mumbled, his hands running through Kakashi’s hair as the other man looked up briefly. He felt a small ache in his chest at the request, but pushed it back. He was here to make Tenzou happy.

He continued down his body, stopping to take a nipple in his mouth and suck on it lightly. Yamato bucked his hips in response, his throbbing erection brushing against Kakashi’s and making him groan. He moved down, slipping off the end of the bed in between the other man’s legs. Tenzou’s upper body was supported by the bed but his legs hung freely off the side. Kakashi licked a trail from balls to tip making his partner shake before taking the purpling head in his mouth and moaning loudly, sending vibrations throughout the body in front of him. His own arousal started to leak on to the floor underneath him.

“Fuck!” Tenzou swore, reaching down and pulling Kakashi by his biceps until he was on top of him once more. He flipped his thin frame easily, pulling them both further on to the bed and then encouraging Kakashi to shuffle towards the headboard. He did so, unsure of what was going to happen next. Before he could make it the entire way Tenzou grabbed his legs, pulling them apart and diving towards his leaking cock. His tongue brushed lightly against the tip making Kakashi cry out, his legs trembling.

He gasped, looking down at Tenzou uncertainly as he felt the other man’s breathe on his most private area. The ANBU looked up at him, waiting patiently for conformation before continuing. Kakashi nodded slowly, nerves making his erection wilt as a slick tongue darted out to brush against his puckered hole.

He whimpered softly, surprised by the action. It felt better than he had expected.

“Tenzou.” He mumbled, his erection once again straining against his stomach as the tongue began to swirl and lick. He moaned, his hips bucking as the slippery muscle pressed on his entrance firmly. He opened his eyes, locking them with Tenzou’s as he was entered slowly. It felt amazing but he couldn’t bring himself to relax. He closed his eyes, making small sounds when it seemed appropriate.

Tenzou seemed to sense his discomfort and pulled back, sitting up and kneeling in between his partner’s legs. He took Kakashi’s cock in his hand and palmed it firmly, making the other man shudder. He leaned forward, his breath hot in his ear as he whispered.

“Let’s try something different tonight.”

Kakashi nodded, trying hard to still his trembling body as he answered.

“Whatever you want.” He choked, as the other man moved away from him. He opened his eyes as Tenzou turned to the bedside table. He tensed as he saw the lube and knew for sure he would not be the one using it tonight.

He forced himself to relax as Tenzou advanced on him. He knew this could be amazing. They had already done it once before. He remembered the intensity of the orgasm he had experienced that night. The feeling of being filled making him finally feel whole. He relaxed slightly, anticipation trumping anxiety as a slicked finger rubbed his entrance softly.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Tenzou asked, eyeing him worriedly. He was not oblivious to the way Kakashi had shut down when it was mentioned in the past. Although if he was being honest he still wasn’t sure why. They had done this before, it was strange for him to suddenly be against it after the fact. But he supposed that was just one of the many mysteries surrounding the Jonin. He had killed plenty of people in his life time too. But that didn’t stop the nightmares sprouting up randomly after certain missions.

“Whatever you want.” Kakashi repeated, deciding then and there to make that sentence his mantra. Something he would repeat in his mind continuously to remind himself why he was doing certain things. His answer to any question Tenzou asked him from now on. He was going to live by it and give the man in front of him anything and everything he wanted.

Tenzou nodded in response, a smile gracing his lips as he pressed the finger forwards. Kakashi’s body tightened around him and he moved his other hand to slowly pump the erection in front of him. He felt muscles relax as his body responded positively. He fully sheathed his finger, waiting a second before pulling it back and slowly thrusting it forward again, making his lover gasp.

“That’s it.” He whispered, crooking the digit slightly and searching for the sensitive nub inside him. He found it, pressing against it purposefully and watching as Kakashi’s back arched. All traces of hesitation disappearing as his trembling legs gripped on the mattress around him and dragged himself further on to Tenzou’s expectant hand.

Yamato grinned, letting go of Kakashi’s cock and using his free hand to pet lightly along his thigh. The Jonin’s heavy breathing calmed and the trembling slowly stopped as Tenzou worked to slip a second finger alongside the first. Kakashi mewled, feeling stretched and shutting his eyes tight at the intrusion. Tenzou continued to pet him lightly, smiling as once again the man relaxed. He pressed against his prostate once more, sending sparks flying behind Kakashi’s eye lids.

“Fuck.” Kakashi whispered breathlessly, his head lolling to the side, his jaw slack as a third finger was added.

Tenzou stopped petting, moving his free hand to his own dripping erection. He stroked it delicately, not wanting to get himself too worked up. He closed his eyes, moaning languidly as he played with himself. He was too excited to wait any longer. It had been months since he had had the pleasure of entering another man. He needed Kakashi now.

Slowly he dislodged his fingers, making Kakashi moan as he felt them slip away. He opened his eyes, nerves filling him once more as he eyed the pulsing member Tenzou held in his hand. He watched as his lover lubed himself up and moved on top of him.

“Ready?” He asked as his lips latched on to the silver haired man’s neck. Kakashi nodded, not sure if he really was or not as he felt heat press at his entrance. “Shhh.” Tenzou whispered, nibbling lightly at the other man’s ear as he thrust forward gently, his cock pushing through the first ring of muscle and making Kakashi release a strangled cry.

Yamato moved his lips over his lover’s mouth, tilting his head back and kissing him deeply to keep him relaxed and aroused. Kakashi calmed, his body getting used to the large intrusion. He kissed back feverishly, anything to keep his mind away from pain.

“This won’t last long.” Tenzou chuckled as he pulled away from him. His cheeks heated slightly at his own words. He felt embarrassed by the fact that he was so close already. But he was comforted by the sight of Kakashi’s lust filled eyes staring up at him adoringly. “I love you.” He whispered, taking his partner by surprise.

Kakashi’s eyes widened, he felt tears prick at his eyes as he registered what was said. He had been focusing on keeping his emotions in check and was not ready for the sentiment.

“I love you too.” He mumbled, closing his in an effort to cut off the tears and turning his head away. He keened as best he could on to Tenzou’s hard shaft in an effort to take the focus from him. Tenzou groaned loudly, taking the invitation to move and beginning a slow pace that was hard for him to keep. He moaned freely, rocking his hips in to the tight heat and whispering Kakashi’s name as the man began to respond.

“Fuck.” Kakashi whispered, throwing his head backwards and gritting his teeth as Yamato changed the angle and his head rubbed against his nub. “Tenzou.” Kakashi whined, the pleasure building and making him quake. He had forgotten how amazing prostate stimulation felt.

His toes curled as he began to lose himself. He pushed down on his lover’s member with every thrust. Swearing under his breath as the steady pace pushed him closer to the edge of bliss. His lips trembled, his eyes shut tight as Tenzou took advantage of his strength, holding himself up with one arm and encouraging Kakashi to wrap his legs around his waist. The silver haired man obliged and Tenzou growled dominantly, moving his free arm under Kakashi’s back and lifting him.

Kakashi cried out, his own body weight pulling Tenzou further inside him as he was pulled in to a sitting position on Tenzou’s lap. The other man was on his knees with his feet tucked under his own ass. Kakashi clung to him, his forehead resting on a sweaty shoulder as Tenzou bucked his hips upwards. There wasn’t much room for movement in the position they were currently in but the brunette smiled to himself anyway. He had a plan.

He snaked a lubed hand in between them, grabbing hold of Kakashi’s leaking cock and pumping it firmly. He groaned as blunt nails dug in to his back and his lover whimpered in his ear. He was so close, he needed to pull Kakashi over the edge.

“Tenzou.” Kakashi whispered. “Tenzou, I…” He trailed off, gasping for air as Tenzou thrust hard in to his prostate and swirled his thumb over the head of his penis, squeezing firmly. “Fuck!” Kakashi screamed, his entire body shaking violently as he was ripped over the edge he had been teetering on. The darkness behind his eyelids shone white as he came. He repeated Tenzou’s name, rutting in to the other man’s hand as he shot strings of hot cum against his stomach. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he drew blood with his nail in the other man’s back.

Tenzou groaned loud and long as he felt Kakashi’s body start to convulse around him. He thrust as best he could, being pushed over the edge by the feel of his lover’s cum spurting against his chest and his nails digging in to his back.

“Fuck. Kakashi.” He moaned, his orgasm getting the best of him as he released deep inside his lover. “Fuck I love you.” He groaned, resting his head on Kakashi’s shoulder and fisting his hand in silver hair. Kakashi remained silent, aftershocks still rolling through him as he struggled to breathe.

Tenzou lifted his head, using the hand in Kakashi’s hair to pull his head back as well. He smiled sadly when he saw the tears, leaning forwards and kissing them away gently before carefully helping the other man off his lap. He laid him down on the bed, running his hand across his warm forehead and brushing sweaty hair out of his eyes.

Kakashi’s heart swelled at the simple gestures, reminding him of exactly why he needed to keep Tenzou happy. This man took care of him like no one else could. Now that he had experienced it, he couldn’t live without it. The last month or so had been hard for both of them with Kakashi slowly breaking down and the small gestures Tenzou used to comfort him slowly disappearing with along with his sanity. He could clearly see the difference now, between the Tenzou he was when he made him happy and the man he felt obliged to be when he was sad.

Kakashi smiled weakly, wiping the tears from his own eyes as Tenzou disappeared to the bathroom to get a wash cloth. He had succeeded tonight in making him happy. Giving him what he wanted. He was on the right track to bringing things back to normal.

_But how long can you keep it up?_

He asked himself internally as kind dark eyes washed over him, drinking him in as a warm washcloth made his body start to tremble again. He ignored his own question, his hand reaching out to pull the other man closer and kissing him passionately. He wasn’t sure he had an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi's character is so fun to write. The poor thing is so confused as to what exactly he needs to do to keep his lover happy. He doesn't realise that Tenzou just wants him to get better and no amount of pretending will actually help the situation. I think there are a lot of people in the world that don't understand that their neediness is actually pushing their partner away instead of keeping them close like they had hoped. But I think Kakashi will learn this in time. It's a real shame that he didn't pick up on it earlier.
> 
> I appreciate every kudos and comment I receive! I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I guess I have some 'splainin' to do. I promised you guys I would finish this story and I WILL. I have half of the next chapter written as well. The thing is... I kind of hate where I went with this story. I followed my plot but I read back the last few chapters and I cringe. So I have been toying with rewriting them to change how the bathroom situation unfolded and well... After a long talk with a fellow writer I decided that you guys loved the story for what it already was and that even if I am not too happy with how I went about it, I got to where I am now and I need to finish it with those events in tact. Thank you SO much to anyone that is still waiting for updates on this for waiting patiently and not giving up on me. Although lets be honest you probably gave up haha.
> 
> Okay lastly I want to clarify something. There is sex in this story... but this is NOT a sexy story. It's sad. It's tragic the way Kakashi feels and honestly I don't know how anyone can read all the way through Carved then get to this point in Chisel and still be expecting me to write some huge raunchy pwp scene that isn't laced with emotions from these characters. I um... got a comment that actually stopped me working on this for a long time about how my smut isn't very sexy so... Just wanted to clarify that it's not actually meant to be overly sexy. This is a plot based story. Not pwp...
> 
> ANYWAY ENJOY!

“Sooo…” Genma drawled, sitting back in his chair and folding his arms as he stared between the people in front of him. “Do you two have anything to say to one another?” He asked smugly.

Iruka grimaced, his own folded arms tightening as he caught the spark in Misumi’s eyes. He was incredibly sorry for what he had said to her, but being forced to apologise was not in his wheelhouse.

“No.” He answered shortly, looking to his right as the man on his left rolled his eyes.

“I don’t have anything to say to him either.” Misumi spat, her venom making Iruka’s eye twitch as he pretended not to hear her.

“Honestly… you two are being so childish.” Genma said uncharacteristically softly. Misumi turned to look at him, her hands carefully resting in her lap were itching to become fists.

“If Iruka wants me to ‘fuck off’ I will fuck off.” She hissed, glaring hard at the side of the Chunin’s face.

“Look.” Iruka started, turning back to face her. “I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it to come off so harshly, I was in the moment.... However I do wish to discontinue our relationship.” He admitted as sincerely as he could.

“If you wanted to ‘discontinue’ our relationship, you should have just said so. Not just walked out on dinner to go stalk your ex.” She growled.

“I wasn’t stalking him! I went out for a drink and he happened to be there. How many times do I have to say it?” Iruka shouted, his temper flaring.

“Okay… okay…” Genma said, standing and moving in between them. He had spent the last three days convincing Misumi to come to this meeting. He was not about to have it erupt in to another fight. Iruka had been absolutely insufferable at work, mumbling under his breath and cussing out anyone who had not filled in a report correctly. He could only imagine how he had been behaving at the Academy. “I need this to go ahead smoothly because you are being irreparably mean to a lot of people that are better at their job than I am and I don’t want to be killed in my sleep.” Genma vented, pointing at Iruka and making the man balk.

“If those ‘people’ don’t want to be shouted at in the mission’s room then maybe they should fill out their reports right the first time!” Iruka spat sarcastically.

“Oh you _would_ blame the people.” Misumi chuckled. “Use them to be a little sponge for your anger. I bet you’re taking this out on your Genin’s too.” She whispered slyly, pausing for emphasis. “The same way you used to take it out on Kakashi.” She finished, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms to make a point.

A heavy silence filled the room as Genma turned to look at Iruka once more. Iruka stared dead ahead, his face heating as he struggled with not bursting.

_If she thinks she can get a rise out of me that easily she has another think coming_

He growled to himself in his own mind.

“Were… were you like this with Kakashi?” Genma asked softly, months of questions suddenly being answered. Small strings of information somehow lining up and falling in to place. “Is that way he was in the hospital?” He asked suddenly.

“No.” Iruka answered quickly, that was unrelated. I never treated Kakashi…”

“What?” Misumi asked, standing. “As badly as your treated me?”

“Yes!” Iruka yelled, looking up at her his glare softening as he realised there were unshed tears in her eyes. He stood slowly, pushing past Genma and resting a hand on Misumi’s arm. To his surprise she did not flinch away. “I truly am sorry.” He whispered, feeling Genma’s stare on the back of his neck. “I have treated you terribly and it eats me up… I just… Have been grieving I think.” He realised finally.

Misumi blinked back her tears, holding her head high as he watched him from the corner of her eyes.

“That apology was shit.” She said blatantly, making Iruka drop his hand in frustration. “But I accept it.” She said clarified, turning to face him fully.

There was another long silence, heavy with tension Genma dared not break. He used the time to contemplate what he had just heard. If Iruka had acted even half of the way he had been acting in the mission’s room this week towards the Copy Ninja in the past… Maybe he could be excused for some of his paranoia and self-esteem issues. He wondered quietly if Kakashi had spoken with Tenzou about the way he was treated. If Iruka really did use Kakashi as a sponge no matter how much he swore he did not.

_Definitely something to look in to..._

“Do you think you could treat me better next time?” Misumi asked after a moment’s review. Iruka looked down, his foot grazing lightly against the wooden floor as he let out a long slow breath.

“No.” He said finally, looking back up at her. Misumi took a step back, surprised by his answer. “There isn’t going to be a next time.” Iruka said softly. “This is over. I’m sorry.” He whispered, walking past her, heading for the door.

“Hey where are you going?” Genma asked, being roused from his thoughts.

“I have to do something.” Iruka answered, not looking back.

 

~

 

Tenzou watched Kakashi cautiously as the other man watered his plant. He had been acting odd of late and the brunette was having a hard time figuring out why. Kakashi had been happy to see him when he got home. Eager to fuck him and clearly still mad about the outing the night before he left. He had asked many times in the last three days what had happened while he was gone and always got the same answer.

Nothing.

Which if past experience was anything to go by, that actually meant _something_.

After the subject being blown off repeatedly by Kakashi, he had sought Guy for some answers. He had coincidentally found the man eating Dango with Kurenai and Asuma. He pressed them hard for what had happened that night and was surprised when they both failed to produce anything of interest. They went out, they had fun. That was the story they were sticking to.

Turning his thoughts back to the man in front of him his eyes hovered over the hand holding the dainty watering can. It was bandaged to cover the majority of red raw skin protruding from each side. Tenzou did not have to ask to know what had happened there. So far he had already spent countless nights pulling Kakashi back to bed as he tried to scrub his hand clean of his friend’s blood. He supposed without him around to stop him, Kakashi had gone overboard.

Guilt panged softly in his chest as he realised just how much the other man still needed him even if he was acting strong.

_Acting…_

Tenzou thought to himself. That was exactly the right word for it. He was not rude enough to point out Kakashi’s efforts, also fearing that if he did the man would stop, so he played along. The endless sex since he returned was a clever veil of Kakashi’s feelings. The man’s sex drive usually dropped when upset, so feigning horniness was certainly the way to go about covering his real feelings. However after their short time together Yamato had come to learn something interesting about sex with Kakashi, something the man himself could not help that gave him away every time.

_He always comes so quickly when he’s upset…_

He chuckled, looking away from the other man lest he sense his thoughts. Kakashi was not by nature a quick draw. However when he was feeling vulnerable, which was most of their relationship if he was honest, he was not able to hold himself the way he could when he was feeling confident.

“What are you laughing about?” Kakashi asked, a frown crossing his delicate features as he approached his lover.

“Nothing.” Tenzou answered, knowing full well that Kakashi was aware nothing meant something. Kakashi sat next to him, resting the watering can on the coffee table and looking lazily in to Tenzou’s eyes.

“Okay.” He answered simply, catching Tenzou off guard.

“Okay?” Tenzou asked before he could stop himself. Kakashi nodded, leaning down to riffle through the coffee table draw, looking for his book.

“It means affirmative.” He said sarcastically. Readjusting himself in to cushions and lying back against the armrest of the chair. His legs snaked slowly on to Tenzou’s lap as he did so. The other man narrowed his eyes as he instinctively began to rub at his lover’s foot.

“I know what it means…” He said slowly. “You’re being weird.” He stated, deciding to just go for it.

“Am I?” Kakashi asked, his eyes flicking from his book to Tenzou. “How so?” He asked, flicking them back and beginning to read.

“You never just let anything go.” Tenzou blurted, making Kakashi tense. He realised his mistake immediately. Not quite sure why he was intent on starting a fight on what had been such a peaceful day otherwise.

There was a long pause as Kakashi searched his heart, deciding what to say.

“Okay.” He grunted after a short exhale. Tenzou opened his mouth to respond.

“I…”

“Stop.” Kakashi said before he could speak. “I’m letting it go.” She hissed, returning to his reading and wiggling his foot impatiently. Tenzou watched the other man’s eyes whizz over the page in front of him. There was no way he was reading that fast. He was thinking.

_What are you doing?_

His rational side argued.

_HE’S LETTING SOMETHING GO! Take your own advice, let it go!_

His brain screamed as he opened his mouth once more.

“I was laughing at a joke I heard earlier.” He said softly, waiting to gauge the reaction of his lover.

“I don’t care.” Kakashi replied simply. Tenzou felt his jaw tense as he kneaded away the small knots in Kakashi’s feet.

The Copy Ninja ignored the other man, knowing full well if he looked up now there would certainly be a fight. There was no way he was laughing at a joke from earlier. If that was the case he would have shared it the first time. But true to the promise he had made himself, he would not push things anymore. Pushing things meant making Tenzou unhappy. So he was letting it go.

He had been trying _so_ hard the last few days to be the kind of lover Tenzou deserved. He cooked, cleaned, fucked and sucked. But nothing seemed to be good enough at this point. The only thing Tenzou seemed even remotely interesting in was what had happened the night at the bar and Kakashi had locked that away and swallowed the key. He was intent on making Tenzou think he had enjoyed his uneventful night out. He needed his lover to know that he could make him happy, his fear of abandonment driving his every move.

Iruka had said that he was pathetic, a loser. He didn’t deserve anyone at all let alone Tenzou. He should lay down and die like his Father. No one would miss him.

He had tried to be less pathetic in the time they had spent together since Tenzou returned, only letting himself feel grief while alone. Mourning his old self that was allowed to feel things. He had tried to be worthy of being missed, hoping silently that if he cooked enough Tenzou would notice if he was no longer around. But frankly he was beginning to think his effort was all for naught. He knew it would realistically take longer than 3 days for his new way of thinking to become a life style more than a diet. But on the inside he was miserable and holding his misery at bay was making his thoughts unstable.

The fake smile he wore for the sake of his lover was eating away at his sanity.

Tenzou wondered if Kakashi had realised he had stopped fake reading. His eyes were glazed as he stared out over his book but past the man himself. He pursed his lips, questioning what on earth the man could be thinking so hard about.

‘’You okay?’’ He asked after a pause. Kakashi’s eyes snapped back in to focus. He pushed himself up, realised how far down the couch he had slid while enthralled by his own feelings.

‘’Yeah.’’ He answered quietly, his gaze asking all the questions he was too scared to use words for.

‘’Kakashi…’’ Tenzou started, sitting up straighter and resting his hand on the man’s shin. ‘’I feel like you’re hiding something from me.’’ He said gently. ‘’It’s just… you keep getting lost in thought and if you feel like telling me, I would really like to know what’s got you so pensive.’’ He smiled.

Kakashi looked away, wrestling with his personalities. This is the part where he would usually come undone. Spill the beans and seek comfort in Tenzou’s strong arms. But he had vowed to himself that he wouldn’t tell Tenzou what had happened. He wouldn’t ask for reassurance anymore. _He_ was going to be the rock and _he_ was the one who was going to be doing the protecting from now on. He had to hide what had happened at all costs. Protecting Tenzou’s feelings over his own was an absolute priority.

Tenzou sighed allowed after a minute of silence, pushing Kakashi’s legs off his lap and moving closer to the other man.

‘’If there’s something wrong… I want you to tell me.’’ He stated sincerely.’’

Kakashi shook his head lightly. He kept his mouth shut firm. Lying to his lovers was not his strong suit. In the past few days the best story he had been able to muster for what happened at the bar was _nothing_. Like he was believing that…

‘’I just hate to think you feel like you can’t tell me things.’’ Tenzou continued.

_I can’t tell you…_

Kakashi thought to himself.

_It will hurt you… I don’t want to hurt you anymore._

‘’It’s just that… when I feel like you have something to hide… It hurts me.” Tenzou said, his face contorting in to something between frustration and comfort.

“What?” Kakashi asked, his jaw falling open.

“It hurts me.” Tenzou said firmly, his eyes searching Kakashi’s for any hint of a lie.

_Fuck…._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments of encouragement are what keeps luring me back here to finish this story. Thank you to everyone for your positive and uplifting comments, I would love to hear from you again at the end of this chapter. :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy I've been able to update this again. Hopefully my creativity keeps up and I can finish the story soon. Thank you so much for your wonderful comments. :)

Kakashi struggled to process Tenzou’s words.

_It hurts me…_

He repeated in his mind. Walls shattering as he wrestled with what to do. He would surely hurt Tenzou with his story. But he had just learnt that keeping it from him was hurting him also.

He was stuck mentally. For the first time in his life he had no words. Nothing to say and no idea what to do. He moved his mouth a few times, mimicking speaking but nothing came out.

Tenzou watched, fascinated by the reaction Kakashi had to his words. He wasn’t quite sure what was happening but he wasn’t ruling out a stroke.

“Kakashi…” He said steadily, placing a hand on the other man’s shoulder. “It’s alright…” He laughed, using his go to words to comfort the man that was clearly struggling.

Kakashi jumped at the sentiment, pushing Tenzou’s hand away and standing quickly. He needed to think of a lie quickly. Tenzou was trying to comfort him and his plan was failing.

“It’s just that…” He stuttered. “I…” He paused, looking around the room desperately. “I...” He floundered, watching in horror as Tenzou moved his hand in a motion that could only be described as encouraging him to spit it out. “Need to tell you… what happened at the bar…” Kakashi finished, feeling defeat wash over him as he slumped back on to the couch, looking mournful.

“But you said nothing happened?” Tenzou questioned, trying and failing to sound adequately surprised by this revelation. In the end he landed on condescending and Kakashi knew his _nothing_ lied had been pathetic.

“Yeah well… I wanted to spare your feelings but if holding it in is hurting you then I guess I have no choice but to spill.” Kakashi drawled, trying his best to drag this out and his mind worked actively on what to tell Tenzou and what to leave out.

“Okay.” The ANBU said simply, clasping his hands together and bringing one leg up on to the couch. He looked as if he was settling in for a long tale. He was about to be disappointed.

“Iruka was there.” Kakashi said simply, closing his lips together and nodding his head softly as he thought. ‘’And he apologised to me.’’ He said, feeling a small weight being lifted from his chest even if he still had an entire chest worth of secrets locked away inside himself.

Tenzou’s eyes flicked to the side and then back to Kakashi. He leaned closer, waiting for more but nothing else was said.

‘’And?’’ He asked.

‘’That’s it…’’ Kakashi stated, his face questioning as he waited for a more appropriate response.

‘’Oh…’’ Tenzou answered, leaning back on the couch.

‘’What?’’

‘’No… nothing… I just, I don’t know when you said Iruka I guess expected like a big confrontation story or something.’’ He said, his eyebrows raising as he spoke.

‘’Why would there be a confrontation?’’ Kakashi asked, looking away. Tenzou shrugged, too caught up in his own thoughts to notice Kakashi’s tells.

‘’I don’t know I just think there is still a lot of resentment between you too, especially emanating from your side so I can’t really imagine you just accepting his apology and walking away.’’ He chuckled, turning back to his boyfriend just in time to see his cheeks shading pink.

‘’Well I did.’’ Kakashi said quickly, staring at the rug and begging Tenzou to leave it alone now. The brunette wasn’t convinced, but something was holding him back from pressing further. He smiled softly, recognising the effort Kakashi was going to hide whatever it was that had happened.

He felt guilt pang at him again for thinking that as he remembered just who he was talking to. Kakashi was by definition, an Oversharer. When he was comfortable with you anyway. He was quiet and reserved at first, not wanting anyone to know his deep dark secrets, but once he trusted enough to let one slip they all seemed to just fall out of him as if there had been a dam holding them in and when it broke he couldn’t stop talking. The hurt pouring out with an entire life’s worth of stories about death, bullying and heartbreak.

_I guess if he really isn’t going to tell me anymore. There mustn’t be anything worth telling._

He thought to himself gingerly.

‘’Okay.’’ Tenzou smiled, rubbing his hand over Kakashi’s shin. ‘’I’m really proud of you.’’ He said happily, his heart fluttering as Kakashi looked towards him. The other man smiled sheepishly, moving closer and wrapping his arms around his lover.

‘’It feels good to get that off my chest.” He said slowly. His brain working hard to keep the rest of the story at bay. He wasn’t lying when he said it felt good. It just didn’t quite feel as good as it would to get it _all_ off his chest.

There was an awkward pause as both men considered the lies that had just been told. Tenzou _was_ proud of Kakashi; but something was still niggling at him and leaving it alone was hard.

‘’I um… made Guy and Kurenai promise they wouldn’t tell you.’’ Kakashi admitted, covering his own ass if it was ever brought up. ‘’So… they were just being good friends and doing what I asked if they didn’t mention it.’’ He said, playing on the fact that Kakashi knew Tenzou wanted him to feel as if he had friends.

‘’That was really good of them to do for you.’’ Tenzou said, taking the bait. Even if he was a little insulted that his own friends hid crucial information about his relationship from him he supposed he could not be too mad. He had also asked Asuma to keep secrets from Kakashi and trusted him to do so. ‘’I told you, you had friends.” He grinned, pushing Kakashi away and standing up.

Kakashi grinned as well, more to himself than Tenzou. He was proud of the fact that he had successfully told Tenzou something hard without making a scene or turning the night in to a pity party for himself. He had given him just the right amount of information to be considered not lying and also holding back enough to keep Tenzou from feeling unhappy.

Kakashi stood as well, heading towards the kitchen and placing the meat he had been thawing in the sink on to the counter. Tenzou thanked him aloud for his unasked question of whether or not he should make dinner and Kakashi smiled to himself once more. The feeling in his chest was different from usual. It felt heavy with his kept secrets but another emotion was flittering through. If he wasn’t so sure it was impossible he would have called it happiness. However he knew it wasn’t right of him to be feeling happiness after withholding information. To be happy he needed to spill his guts and have a good cry, which if he was being honest he planned to do later in the shower. It wasn’t physically possible for him to be feeling happiness by making another person happy. He had already came to terms with this when he made his promise to put Tenzou’s needs before his own. He had resigned himself to being miserable for the sake of his partner’s happiness.

Was it actually possible that in the process of making Tenzou happy, he would also be able to find happiness or was he kidding himself? If he just found the right balance between letting Tenzou comfort him and being the comforter himself it might be possible…

He contemplated while waiting for the stove top to heat.

Tenzou watched from his place in the doorway as Kakashi’s eyes glazed over once more. He sighed inwardly, realising that the happiness he felt moments ago was to be short lived. He was wrong, that much was clear now. There was much more to this story than Kakashi was telling.

 

~

 

Iruka exhaled slowly, turning the envelope in his hand over once more as he thumbed it nervously. He tapped his foot involuntarily as he contemplated his decision one more time.

Seeing no other option he took a step forward and raised his hand in a fist. It hesitated a few inches away from a wooden door as he steeled himself for the repercussions of his actions.

He dropped his hand back by his side, sighing in exasperation as he turned to walk away. It wasn’t a good idea, he justified. He would find another time to do it.

As he took his first steps the door behind him opened. He stopped in his place, knowing he had been caught. The nervous shuffle of someone standing in place could be heard at his back as he turned slowly to look that person in the eyes.

Tenzou scowled, pulling his satchel over his shoulder fully before rummaging in his pocket for the house keys.

“Can I help you?” He asked simply, not taking his eyes off the man in front of him as he pulled the keys from his pocket. Iruka raised his eyebrows the hand holding the envelope tightening as he turned to face him properly.

“I uh… was going to give this to Kakashi.” He mumbled, holding out the envelope for the other man to take.

The brunette’s frown depended as he took what was offered. He inspected it thoroughly. It was simply a plain white envelope.

“What is it?” He asked, looking back up.

“It’s his apartment keys.” Iruka said softly. “Mine included. I realised recently that I had been incredibly selfish. Just because Kakashi has a new place to live doesn’t mean he has zero attachment to his old place. I mean, this is Kakashi after all.” He finished, nodding slowly as he turned to walk away.

“Wait.” Tenzou spoke, catching Iruka off guard. His mind raced, curiosity brimming as he wondered what the hell the ANBU could possibly want from him.

_Is this the punishment I deserve?_

The Chunin thought as he once again spun to look in to almond eyes.

“Yeah?” He asked uncertainly. Tenzou looked down, stuffing the envelope in to his satchel to buy himself some time. He knew what he wanted to say, he just didn’t know if he should.

“Why did you do it?” He asked finally, looking down at this welcome mat and missing the scarlet burning its way across Iruka’s face.

“Do… what?” Iruka asked, taking a step forward.

“You know what I’m asking.” Tenzou said simply, folding his arms and leaning on his door frame. Iruka looked away for a second, thinking how to answer this question. He looked back, shrugging and shaking his head as he spoke.

“I think… It was all just too much.” He admitted, folding his own arms. To his surprise Tenzou nodded in agreement, not breaking eye contact.

“Yeah…” He whispered. “I get it.”

 

~

 

Tenzou piled groceries in to his cart, not really counting them or registering what he was buying as his glazed eyes gave away his state of mind. He was lost in his own thoughts, wanting nothing more than to sit down and process them but knowing he had things to do before he could.

He felt regret start to creep in on him as he realised exactly what he had done. If Kakashi ever found out he would be livid.

As he riffled through the milk fridge to find one with the longest expiry date he swallowed down the feelings of guilt. He had only been trying to get a better understanding of what exactly had lead Iruka to cheat in the first place. To prevent himself from ever feeling that way and hurting Kakashi in an unimaginable way. He hated Iruka deep down but on the surface he pitied him and that’s why he had invited him in for coffee.

Iruka had scoffed at the invite, fearing that saying yes would open him up the ridicule after others heard of the cruel joke. When Tenzou had insisted, saying he needed to talk to him, he had softened. Tenzou reluctantly made coffee for a man he was supposed to hate deeply. A man that had broken his lover to the point of needed medication for his heart. But he had taken the knowledge that man had to offer to heart and was now in the process of using his advice to help his own relationship.

The ANBU felt sick with himself as he caught his own reflection in the fridge doors. He had finally gotten Iruka’s side of the story and was ashamed to say that he actually understood where the man was coming from. He knew what it was like to have this lust for a certain person and then to finally enter in to a relationship with this person only to have the pedestal ripped out from under them within a week.

Iruka had explained to Tenzou how although he had and still did love Kakashi deeply, he felt as though the colour had been drained from his life after spending so much time with him. That was the moment that Tenzou had realised just how emotionally exhausting Kakashi had been even before his break up with Iruka. There was no doubt in his mind that Iruka was not the type of person that should be handling someone like Kakashi. With his quick temper he was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode whenever Kakashi went too far with his anxieties. Tenzou was sure that this was a lot of the reason Kakashi is the way he is now. He was confident in the fact that although Iruka had had a taste of what Kakashi’s insecurities were like, he really had no idea considering how much he had broken him with his infidelity.

Even though Iruka’s explanation for his wrong doings were convincing Tenzou still felt he could never hurt Kakashi in that way. When he looked at the broken shell of a man he had once respected as the most fearsome ANBU Captain in Konoha he knew deep in his heart he could never cheat on him.

He kicked himself mentally as he found himself wondering if maybe in the future he would be kind enough to leave Kakashi when he found someone else that got his motor running, or if he would be condemned to spending the rest of his life with the man for fear of breaking his heart beyond repair.

He had no plans to find someone else. In fact the thought made him feel ill. But after speaking to the Chunin he couldn’t help his mind from wandering. Iruka may have been emotionally abusive but he did love Kakashi deeply. He said he hadn’t meant for that first night with Misumi to happen but he had been caught up in the sudden surge of endorphins. By that logic it was also possible for Tenzou himself to fall in to the trap. To be kissed by a co-worker and then before he was aware, ruin his entire relationship and break his lover’s heart.

_No_

He thought, shaking his head as he loaded groceries on to the counter. He was not Iruka. He would not be that person.

The lady behind the register smiled, chuckling to herself as Tenzou shook himself out of his daze.

“Welcome back. You looked like you were making some pretty big decisions.” She smiled, her white teeth glinting as she bagged vegetables.

“Oh… yeah sorry.” Tenzou smiled back, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. “I was just making sure I had everything on my list.”

 

~

 

Kakashi stopped in his tracks, involuntarily sniffing the air as he looked around the living room and towards the kitchen. He turned to Tenzou, his eyes narrowing as he regretted the compliment he had just given him. Dinner might have smelt amazing a second ago. But that was before the sour stench of Iruka assaulted his nostrils.

“Um…” Kakashi started sarcastically, steeling himself for the hurt he knew was coming. Sarcasm was his best tool for deflecting hurt.

“Yes?” Tenzou asked innocently, darting around him and pulling out a dining room chair. “Your fave.” He said happily, gesturing to the food in front of him, lit by candle light. Kakashi simply stared at him, cocking his head in question as he struggled to understand what was going on.

“Iruka’s been her.” Kakashi said blatantly. Tenzou sighed, his shoulder slumping as he gestured to the chair in front of him once more.

“Yes he has.” He replied, sitting down in his own chair and petting the table. “If you sit down I’ll tell you why.” He said firmly. He picked up his wine glass, taking a sip as he watched Kakashi’s brain work. He had gone to great lengths to hide Iruka’s scent, knowing that Kakashi’s canine nose would pick it up immediately on entering the house. On the off chance that Kakashi still smelt him, he had made his favourite dinner, hoping to use it as a distraction.

He also had something he wanted to broach with Kakashi and he felt as though having his favourite dinner ready would at least count towards points in his favour if not soften the blow.

Kakashi moved slowly towards the empty chair, stopping behind it to narrow his eyes at Tenzou once more before letting himself sit down. He placed his hands on the table in front of him, intertwining his fingers as he waited for an explanation.

Tenzou put down his glass, placing his hand on the envelope in front of him and sliding it towards his lover. Kakashi blinked in surprise, picking it up slowly and tipping it upside down. Two silver keys fell in to his other hand. He frowned.

“I hate to be the one to tell you this… But I already live here.” Kakashi said cynically. Tenzou tiled his head with a smug smile.

“I know that.” He answered quickly, picking up his chop sticks to avoid eye contact. “They’re your old apartment keys.

“Oh.” Kakashi replied, visibly shocked by the revelation.

“Iruka dropped them off. He moved out yesterday.” The brunette smiled, putting a bite of food in to his mouth. “All your old stuff is there. He left it for you purposefully even though you said you didn’t want it.” He explained through his mouthful.

Kakashi suddenly felt the weight of the small keys in his hand increase. He watched Tenzou uncertainly, unsure whether or not to voice his thoughts. He had vowed to make Tenzou happy after all.

“So… Okay…” He said softly, closing his hand in to a fist and resting it back on the table. “I guess I’ll go get my stuff out of there.” He decided, staring at the table cloth. Tenzou nodded silently, taking another sip of his wine during the silence.

“Well…” He said as if he was going to continue. Kakashi inhaled deeply, biting at his bottom lip hidden behind the mask. Tenzou stopped speaking in the hopes Kakashi would connect the dots.

When nothing was said Tenzou closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he watched his lover fidget uncomfortably.

“I was thinking…” he began, ignoring the shaking of his own hands as he spoke. “Maybe you could leave your stuff there.”

Kakashi looked up, his uncovered eye lazily watching as Tenzou struggled with his words.

“I mean I don’t really have the room here anyway… and you could use the space to have some alone time if you ever need it.”

Kakashi opened his mouth and Tenzou continued before he could speak.

“I’m not asking you to move out.” He clarified, holding his hand out to keep Kakashi in his seat. “I just thought instead of you selling all your stuff or paying even more than the rent for a storage locker maybe you could just keep it there.” He finished, gritting his teeth as he waited for Kakashi to mull this over.

“Tenzou the only things I have there are the big things I couldn’t bring with me. My bed, couch, fridge, wardrobe. Those are things I don’t need any more now that I’m here.” He answered, his heart feeling heavy as his appetite left him.

“Well… maybe you will need them in the future and wish you hadn’t got rid of them.” Tenzou said matter-of-factly. Kakashi pushed his chair away from the table, standing before the brunette could stop him.

“If you want me to go I’ll go.” He said softly looking away as he shoved the keys in his pocket. Tenzou stood as well, grabbing hold of Kakashi’s arm.

“No.” He said, shaking his head. “I don’t want you to go.”

“No you just don’t want me to be here all the time.” Kakashi stated, his voice suddenly sounding venomous.

“I never said that.” Tenzou replied, knowing immediately he had gone too far. He had only intended to suggest the idea of them living separately. They would of course still enjoy each other’s company most nights of the week but they would also have their own spaces to retreat to if they were feeling suffocated.

_Who am I kidding?_

He thought in frustration.

_I mean if I’m feeling suffocated._

“Why would you think it’s a good idea I keep all that stuff I don’t need and continue paying rent on a home I’m never going to live in unless you think that maybe someday in the future I will need it?” Kakashi asked, his heart racing.

“I just thought that… Well I’ve never lived with anyone before.” Tenzou admitted, making Kakashi shake. “I love you and I want nothing more than to be with you romantically. It’s just that we started out living together from the beginning and we never really got that period of dating that gives you the chance to ease in to a relationship.” He explained.

“I tried to leave and you told me I was always welcome!” Kakashi shouted, making Tenzou let him go and take a step back.

“You _are_ always welcome…” Tenzou said softly, feeling guilt well up inside him. Kakashi had never raised his voice to him before.

“Well I don’t feel very welcome.” Kakashi hissed. “I feel like your little keys are a big hint!” He growled, turning away. “I knew that the only reason you asked me to stay here was because I didn’t have anywhere to go.” He said shakily, making sure to keep his back turned. Tenzou took a step forward, reaching to comfort his lover. “But that was months ago.” Kakashi continued. “I really thought that if Iruka ever gained the sense to give me back my home I could shove it in his face by telling him I didn’t need it anymore because I found a new one.” He finished, looking down.

Tenzou felt terrible, his own heart heavy as he realised just how much living here had meant to Kakashi. Throughout the day he had somehow convinced himself that he was only sharing the place because he had nowhere left to go. That he would be thrilled to suddenly have access to his own space again. He had imagined them still sleeping in the same apartment most nights anyway. The only difference being where they kept their clothes. But he had been wrong as usual. He had misjudged the situation and hurt Kakashi deeply. He could tell by the lack of eye contact.

“I guess I’ll go back to _mine_.” Kakashi said dryly, walking towards the door.

“No, please stay.” Tenzou begged, walking up behind him as he slipped on his sandals.

“Nah.” Kakashi said firmly, looking back as he opened the door. “I need some space.” He spat sarcastically.

Tenzou struggled with words as he watched Kakashi leave. He wanted to follow him, to make sure he was alright but he knew deep down that he was not alright and it was his fault.

_He’ll be back…_

He convinced himself as he walked back to the kitchen. He blew out the candles on the table, turning on the lights before rummaging in the cupboard for the tin foil.

Perhaps he had taken what Iruka had said too harshly. He knew he wasn’t the kind of guy to cheat. But judging by how suffocated he already felt in this relationship he was scared that he might be the kind of guy to end it prematurely based on exhaustion.

He had found Iruka vacating Kakashi’s old place to be a blessing in disguise. Kakashi was a sentimental person, he had lived in that apartment since he left that Hatake complex he surely had emotional attachments to it.

The more he mulled it over the more he realised what an idiot he had been. Kakashi may be sentimental but if living with him the last few months had taught him anything it was that Kakashi was more clingy than anything else. Of course he was going to want to continue living here. It wasn’t about the apartment but about the person he was sharing it with. If Tenzou himself had offered to move his life to Kakashi’s old place the man would have jumped at the opportunity.

_What have I done?_

He pondered, sitting back down at the empty dining table and placing his face in his hands.

_I’ve fucked up bad…_

 

~

 

Kakashi breathed hard as he made his way down the stairs. His fists were clenched as he glared at his feet. He hadn’t intended to leave at first. He had been insulted yes, but he didn’t actually want to go. He knew Tenzou was feeling suffocated and he had been trying so hard to make it better. He had been working incredibly hard to be the kind of person Tenzou could love forever and being asked to leave had been a huge slap in the face at his efforts. He was sure now that the other man had not noticed how hard he was trying.

As his feet hit the earthy ground outside the apartment complex he stopped, looking up and counting until he knew he was staring at their kitchen window. The light was on now, Kakashi supposed Tenzou was cleaning up the dinner he had made.

He wished silently that he had just stayed quiet and eaten his dinner like a good boy.

_But I’m not welcome._

He justified, shoving his hands in his pockets and making the familiar way back to his old home.

_Stop it. Yes you are. He was just suggesting that you have a place to get away from him for a while if you feel the need._

The other half of his mind justified.

_That’s bullshit. He just wants a place for you to go when he gets sick of you._

The first half argued.

_Frankly it doesn’t matter what he intended._

A third voice chimed in.

_You resolved to do whatever it took to make him happy. Even if that makes **you** unhappy… So off you go._

It whispered as he trudged along the streets, the cold air chilling his skin.

“There I go.” He whispered to himself quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! Another misunderstanding! Well… not really. Kakashi understood Tenzou perfectly. But has Iruka's interference fucked everything for Tenzou? How will their relationship fair if they end up living apart?!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi finally gets mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one! I hope you like it! Not far to go now I think. Sorry if some of it is a little confusing. :)

Kakashi steadied his shaking hand as it moved towards the doorknob connect to his old apartment. Focusing hard as the key gripped tightly in his fingers jumped to each side of its allotted slot before slipping easily inside and allowing its self to be turned.

The small familiar creak of the door as it opened assaulted his ears as the smell of his former lover took to his nostrils. The light flickered several times before illuminating the room dimly. He had always meant to change that bulb to something brighter.

The click of the door shutting sounded to him like the slam of steel bars locking him in to a cell but he ignored it, pushing through the living room and in to the kitchen.

The light in this room also protested its duty as it flickered and buzzed in to life. Kakashi’s eyes slid lazily over the spotless counter top. His favourite mug sat proudly on top of the microwave, freshly cleaned as if he himself had left it there waiting for his own return after a long mission. The jar of biscuits he left for guests was freshly filled with his favourite kind. Really the only sweet treat he liked or allowed himself.

He sighed heavily, his hands shuffling in his pockets as he moved towards the window to look out on the familiar view. He had left Mr.Ukki at Tenzo’s house. He would have to go back for him soon. He did not take too kindly to being left unwatered for long periods of time.

He turned, the thump of his shoes on the one loose floor board a reminder that he had forgotten to take them off. He supposed it was a subconscious thing. Being in his own home he did not feel the need to adhere to the rules of shoes off at the door. He was the only person who lived here after all. The only person that would be cleaning up after his mess.

He lingered for as long as he could possibly justify before making his way in to the bedroom. His shuriken quilt, a gift from Guy was neatly folded to the ends of his bed. He felt as though he was staying in a motel and room service had been through to clean and restock while he was out.

He sat slowly, his weight not sinking in to the firm mattress like it did at Tenzo’s. He had missed his stiff bed at first. Feeling way too comfortable in Tenzo’s soft bed and actually sleeping snuggled in to the pliable surface was a weakness. He was opening himself up to attack as he felt himself falling far too deeply in to sleep. The ridged mattress he owned himself was uncomfortable and kept him always in a light sleep, ready and listening for danger. Not that he had really needed the mattress to keep him awake most nights.

But after time he had learned to like the feeling of being well rested. He had felt secure in sleeping due to the fact that he was never sleeping alone and for once he was sleeping next to someone he actually felt capable of protecting both of them.

While Iruka was a capable Shinobi, Kakashi often found himself waking in a cold sweat at the smallest of noises. Terrified he would find his lover mangled and bleeding as his attacker stepped over the body and headed for him.

Tenzo however, was ANBU and Kakashi trusted ANBU. He trusted them to also wake at the smallest sound. To jump up, concealed weapon already in hand as the shadow of his attacker grew ever closer. They would fight back to back, destroying anyone that threatened their peace.

Kakashi laid back, his legs still dangling over the end of the bed as he stared at the ceiling he had spent so many lonely nights fixated on. The small spot of mould had grown larger in his absence. He wondered if Iruka ever tried to take care of it or if it had simply grown resistant to his efforts over time.

Turning his head to the side, his eyelashes brushed against the course fabric and he found himself wondering how many times Iruka had, had sex in this bed. Without him.

_Hundreds of times? Thousands? Surely not…_

He couldn’t bring his brain to accurately work out the math like it normally would. His eyes wandered to his desk beside his bed, some of his previous notes were still pinned to the cork board above it.

He stood suddenly, walking towards it and ripping a fresh piece of paper off a pin.

“I’m sorry.” He read aloud. Iruka’s scribbled handwriting standing out in big red letters. He crumpled it in his fist, dropping it in to the waste paper basket next to the desk.

_He’s sorry…_

He thought to himself. Even his mind drawling the words as he mulled them over.

_Is he really…? Or does he just feel guilty?_

He sighed aloud once more, slumping in to his desk chair and allowing his hands to wander over the various scratches on the hardwood.

He felt sad, he decided. But also numb. It was a weird sensation that he felt would be hard to describe. He was sad that Tenzo had wanted him to go. Sad that he felt Tenzo needed space from him when he wanted nothing more than to spend every second with the other man. He felt sad that he knew deep down where this relationship was headed. But he felt numb. Numb to the pain that he should have expected from the beginning. Numb to the fact that his life had affectively lead him in a circle and he was back here once again. Where it always ended. Alone in his apartment. Alone in this room. Alone in life.

Slowly he dropped his head, resting it on his arms and trying in vain to feel something. He felt as though he should cry, but his body was not willing. He had no tears left anymore. He had used them all up on so many people that did not deserve them and only a select few that did.

He closed his eyes, his ears staying alert as he allowed himself to rest for a bit. Feeling as though he did not deserve the comfort of his bed. He was also not sure he could handle lying in it. The vast expanse of space next to him enough to make him snap.

He exhaled slowly, surprising himself as his mind began to drift so soon. His thoughts becoming incoherent as sleep consumed him. His body held up by the desk underneath him while his mind and soul were held up by images of Tenzo asking him to come home.

 

~

 

It was a little before 2am when the tapping woke them both. Almost simultaneously although half the distance of the village was between them, they both rose stiffly to take scrolls offered to them by small birds.

Kakashi rubbed at his neck, he had not slept at his desk in a long time. While Tenzo’s hand worked his own thigh, still sore from his previous mission.

The ANBU blinked several times, trying to focus his eyes on the writing on the scroll he held. Unaware that Kakashi was doing the same in his own home across the village.

A small gasp parted tan lips as the contents began to sink in. Almond eyes glinted as the words became clear, making him quake with rage. He had known something was not right.

A pale fist punched through drywall, the plaster cracking and splintering around it as Kakashi withdrew his arm from the hole, his breathing heavy as he picked up his pillow, whipping it across the room in to a lamp that crashed to the ground and shattered.

He wondered where Tenzo was in this moment. Who he was with…

Tenzo dressed quickly and quietly, swallowing his anger and replacing it with something close to sympathy as he leapt from his bedroom window in search of his lover.

Kakashi slumped down beside his bed, his shirt catching on the fabric and bringing it with him. He rubbed at his temples, frustration overcoming him. He was at a loss, unsure what to do now except wait for the inevitable.  

 

~

 

The second gentle rap on his window startled him, although he would be hard pressed to admit it. Kakashi looked up, seeing only the shine off dark eyes in the moonlight. He ignored the other man, looking back down at his own lap as he let himself in. He was not in the mood to deal with this right now. He hadn’t had time to process it and decide how he felt. He knew he was angry, but surely that was not the only emotion he was capable of right this moment. Why was his brain not cooperating? Why couldn’t he decide how he felt without thinking about it first…?

He was scared. He decided as Tenzo stepped over his legs, making his way to the lamp and then abandoning that idea when he realised it was shattered on the floor.

He was scared of how this was going to go down. Scared of being told no. Scared of loneliness.

The light came to life above his head and he turned warily to face the other man. Tenzo’s eyes were dark, his anger hidden only very shallowly above the surface. His outward exterior was something Kakashi couldn’t discern. Perhaps sadness mixed with something else.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, his voice husky as he stood over his lover, looking down on him both metaphorically and literally.

“Tell you what?” Kakashi asked, surprise clearly evident in his voice. He had expected to be doing the interrogating himself and was not prepared for questions.

“Why didn’t you tell me the full story? Of what happened in the bar.” Tenzo clarified, his eyes glazing over the fresh hole in the wall as he knelt beside the other man.

Kakashi stared at him incredulously, his breath stuck in his throat as he considered what was happening.

“That’s… what you want to talk about right now?” Kakashi asked, his voice slowly rising as he picked himself up off the floor, unconsciously towering over his lover. “That’s what you came here to say?” he asked again, the disbelief in his voice throwing Tenzo off. “Are you fucking serious?” He shouted, hands flying to his hips as his anger returned, welling up inside him and bubbling out his mouth in the form of venomous words.

“Yes.” The brunette replied calmly, standing to match Kakashi’s figure, his own hands slipping on to his hips as he stared in to the Sharingan. “I was right, there _was_ a confrontation! Now why didn’t you tell me?”

“How did you…” Kakashi started, taken aback by the question. He stopped himself, the how not important in this minute. The truth being his only goal “I would hope it’s for the same reason you failed to tell me that Iruka spent a good hour in your home yesterday... But unfortunately for me I know that isn’t true.” Kakashi spat, his eyes narrowing. “You didn’t tell me that small fact out of pure selfishness and self-preservation. It had nothing to do with trying to make me happy.” He barked.

“What do you mean trying to make me happy?” Tenzo asked, his own voice rising higher than he would have liked. The sympathy he had previously felt for the man dispersing at the accusation.

“You really don’t see it do you?” Kakashi asked, his voice soft as he contemplated the fact that this was not an act.

“See what?” The ANBU yelled, throwing his arms out and gesturing around the room. “You’re the one that lied to me about having fun with your friends. You made me feel that I could trust you to go out and have a good time without me but clearly I was wrong!” He shouted, leaning towards the other man as his anger grew.

“Well you’re the one that made me feel like I could trust you, period!” Kakashi growled. “But I was clearly wrong. I can’t even go to fucking work without you deciding to have a little coffee date with my ex!” He screamed, taking a step forwards. “Who fucking knows if that’s all you did? I sure don’t.” He spat, answering his own question as the tomoe in the Sharingan spun wildly. No doubt capturing this moment for him to relive at a later date, when regret creeped in on him and he let himself wonder where and when his relationship had ended, as if he didn’t already know.

“Oh there we go.” Tenzo said loudly, the sarcasm dripping generously from his tongue. “Go on! Accuse me of cheating!” He dared, shaking his head in disbelief at the other man’s nerve.

“What the fuck else could you have possibly been doing with him for that long?!” Kakashi asked, the ache in his heart finally making a comeback as he started to process his own words.

“We were just talking!” Tenzo yelled, his face screwing in to something between anger and exasperation.

“What could you possibly have to talk about with him?” Kakashi asked, genuinely curious but mostly just hurt.

“You! You fucking idiot!” Tenzo screamed, the silence after he spoke deafening as he watched Kakashi’s face fall. “I mean…” He said softer. “We spoke about you…” He offered, stepping even closer than before. “I wanted to know… the how and why… So we could avoid… this.” He whispered, his hand moving to trail along Kakashi’s wrist.

Kakashi stepped away, turning so his back was facing the other man. Tenzo stepped closer once more intending to close the distance between them and jumping backwards as Kakashi fist flew past him, embedding it’s self in the wall next to the other man’s head. Tenzo stood stunned. Kakashi’s face and inch from his own as he leaned over his shoulder, slowly slipping his bleeding knuckles from the wall once again and slinking backwards, never breaking his eye contact.

“Get out.” He whispered, finally looking away as he allowed himself to lean on the desk behind him. Tenzo blinked, unsure he had heard right.

“Get out!” Kakashi screamed, the alarm clock that previously sat atop his desk whistling past Tenzo’s head and smashing in to the wall above the bed with a loud crack. Tenzo put his hands up slowly. He knew that Kakashi had missed both shots intentionally, but he had only ever seen the other man this angry once before. He became unpredictable when he was angry. He wouldn’t put it past him to attack if provoked. He backed away slowly, hands still risen and stood by the window, not actually intending to go anywhere but to let the anger ride it’s self out so he could deal with the aftermath.

“Which one of those fucking words is it that you don’t understand?” Kakashi growled, his eyes sharp, dangerous.

“I understand them both.” Tenzo said calmly. “But I’m not going to leave you here like this.”

Kakashi scoffed, rolling his eyes and folding his arms.

“You had no problem leaving me here earlier tonight. Why is this any different?”

“Because earlier tonight you didn’t react like this. You just… left.”

“And isn’t that what you wanted?” Kakashi asked, turning his attention to the open window the sound of Konoha’s nightlife drifting in from a distance.

Tenzo was confused, unsure how to answer that would not result in more yelling.

“Answer the question!” Kakashi screamed, slamming his palm down hard on the desk behind him and to his surprise, making the other man jump.”

“Yes.” He answered quickly, deciding that honesty was the best course of action to take. Kakashi sniffed, nodding his head as he began to chuckle softly.

“Yeah… Did I make you happy then Tenzo? When I left like a good boy because that was what you wanted?” He asked softly. Tenzo found himself once again confused. He shook his head, uncertain how to respond.

“Bullshit!” Kakashi shouted before lowering his voice once more. “I know it made you happy! That’s why I fucking did it! The same reason I didn’t tell you about what happened at the bar. The same reason I suck your cock or cook you dinner after I’ve had a long day and you’ve done fuck all. The same reason I sit in the lounge and pretend to read while you spend time alone after a long mission even though all I want to do is be beside you! Because I know that’s what you want me to do! It’s the same. Fucking. Reason I don’t wake you anymore while I’m having a panic attack… Because you need to sleep. Sleep is what you want and all I really want deep down is to make you happy! To make you want to stay.” He paused, his emotions finally catching up with him as he felt tears sting his eyes. He managed to hold them back, taking a deep breath before speaking again.

“You went to Iruka to ask the how and the why… To prevent this inevitable ugly end but here we are. Because you couldn’t appreciate what I’m doing. What I’ve done. All you see is my flaws. You don’t see improvement or effort. All you see are the parts that I can’t fix or pretend aren’t there.” He hissed.

There was a small silence as Tenzo took in what Kakashi had to say. He made to speak but was abruptly cut off by the other man.

“If you really wanted this to work you would recognise my efforts. But you don’t see them… All you see are my failures. You are looking for a way out of this and I don’t understand why…” He choked. “I’m trying.” He whispered. “But it’s still not enough.”

Tenzo moved forwards, stopping a foot in front of the other man and taking his hand, relief washing over him as Kakashi did not flinch away.

“You went to Iruka… the man that hurt me more than anyone else ever has… to ask why he did it… To try and stop yourself from doing the same thing. When I’m right there… trying my hardest… If you put in half he effort I did at just recognising what I’m doing then maybe you wouldn’t feel the need to cheat.” He croaked.

“I don’t want to cheat.” Tenzo said quickly, wanting to clear that up immediately before it could grow and fester in to more of a fear than it already was for the other man. “I just… wanted some advice and you’re right… I shouldn’t have turned to him. I didn’t ever intend to… He just came to drop off the key and it was playing on my mind... I couldn’t help but ask…” he said softly.

“You could help it.” Kakashi clarified. “You just thought I would never find out.”

There was another small silence as Tenzo contemplated what was said.

“How did you find out?” He asked, realising suddenly that this must be new information to Kakashi or he would have brought it up earlier in the evening. Kakashi stayed quiet, not wanting to explain his farfetched story about the bird. Tenzo watched him for a minute, only speaking after he decided Kakashi was really not going to answer him.

“Look I’m sorry that I suggested you come back here…” He said slowly, looking around the small room and taking in the sterile feeling.” I honestly did think you would be excited. You’re such a sentimental person I imagined you would be happy to come back here. You have so many ties to this apartment.

Kakashi scoffed once more, pulling his hand away from Tenzo’s and rolling his eyes.

“The only ties I have here are to the dead.” He said cynically, shaking his head as he spoke. “Yes… this was my first apartment and I must admit being here brings up a lot of things for me.” He paused. “But none of them are good.” He explained. “Being here brings up all the fun times I had with Iruka. Memories that make my stomach churn now… It brings up nightmares… Jumping up to wash her blood of my hand and having to try and fall back asleep after because I had an S rank to leave for in the morning… Or sitting on that couch out there, eating ice cream I had put sleeping pills in and trying to pretend like things were normal.” He paused, taking a second to look away. He _had_ been trying hard to not burden Tenzo with his hurt. But now here he was doing it all over again.

It would be his fault if this is where it ended…

Tenzo watched him, unknowingly thinking along the same lines. He stepped forward, catching Kakashi off guard as he pressed his lips against the other man’s. Kakashi flinched slightly, steadying himself before kissing back, hard. He pushed Tenzo roughly, the other man landing heavily on the bed behind him. Kakashi stood over him, his eyes clouded with lust.

The ANBU stilled his movement, waiting for a sign that he was pushed away in the heat of the moment and not due to rejection.

Kakashi moved forwards, unzipping his fly and palming his already hard cock with his right hand as he knelt on the bed next to Tenzo. He used his left to unbutton the other man’s pants before moving up the bed towards his face.

The brunette was taken aback as Kakashi pressed his dick to his cheek. He had never been forceful with him before. He was always quiet and unsure, waiting for instruction and ready to please Tenzo in any way he wanted. Tenzo knew what he was asking. He made eye contact with Kakashi, fluttering his lashes innocently before taking the hard length in his mouth. Kakashi groaned languidly, reaching down to fist his fingers in the other man’s hair. He thrust gently in to the other man’s mouth, unable to hold himself back as his lover’s slick tongue ran it’s self along his glands. His thrusts sped up, the tip of his member pumping against Tenzo’s throat. He panted heavily, mouth open and cheeks flushing as he watched his own cock slip in and out of the other’s mouth.

Tenzo kept his eyes trained on the other man, only slightly uncomfortable with the rough treatment. But he had, had worse. He suspected Kakashi had as well, which is why his own hand painted a trail slowly down his own body. He shimmied out of his pants, keeping his mouth focused on its job. He wanted to prepare himself thoroughly, knowing in his heart that Kakashi felt the need to be rough with him in this moment.

Kakashi’s eyes widened and he let out a long husky moan as one of Tenzo’s fingers joined his cock. His saliva slicking it nicely before he pulled it out and brought it to his own puckered hole.

He watched intently. He didn’t have a good view from his position, but he found his imagination filled in the blanks, the pace of his thrusts faltering as he watched Tenzo breach himself. The ANBU let out a moan of his own, sending vibrations along Kakashi’s length. Kakashi threw his head back, the pleasure intense.

He pulled out quickly, stopping his own release from overcoming him. He grabbed Tenzo’s legs, dragging him gently so he was lying on the bed in the traditional manor and positioned himself between them. Tenzo swallowed, he had not prepared himself enough to be entered yet. He watched Kakashi’s mind tick. His stillness an indication he was thinking.

Kakashi dropped down, catching the other man by surprise as his tongue flicked out over his balls. Tenzo gasped, his back arching as Kakashi made his way lower. His own fingers joining Tenzo’s one by one until he had the other man pushing down on them on his own accord begging Kakashi to fuck him. The tip of his hard dick rubbing against his own stomach and smearing his pre-cum against his naval.

Kakashi sat up, wiping his face on his sleeve, his impossibly hard cock bobbing expectantly as it poked out of his fly, dripping on to the sheets. He moved forwards, catching Tenzo off guard once again as he pressed his member to the other mans. His right hand pumping them both together in time. Tenzo’s breathing was heavy. He was on the verge and dangerously close to slipping off. He wanted Kakashi to fuck him hard. To get out all his frustrations in a form other than yelling and punching. He found himself wondering why Kakashi was lingering, his want and intentions were clear but his actions were slow and distracting.

Kakashi stopped when Tenzo grabbed his wrist. He looked down at the other man, his messy hair splayed over the pillow, his flushed cheeks and half lidded eyes making him lick his lips.

“Please?” He whispered. “I don’t want to…. I want you.” He ground out, his voice thick with lust. Kakashi nodded, his breath hitching as he pulled away from the other man. He positioned himself at Tenzo’s entrance, his eyes flickering towards the other man’s briedly before he pushed himself in roughly.

“Ah…” He gasped, closing his eyes as he leant forwards. One arm was placed on Tenzo’s shoulder to steady himself while the other he used to prop his lover up higher. Tenzo exhaled shakily as he moved his own hand down to pump his erection. He arched his back, swearing loudly as Kakashi began to thrust in a brutal rhythm. He moved his hand from under the other man, positioning it on his hip and using it to pin him down, making it easier for him to penetrate deeper. His fingers bruising the skin underneath them. Tenzo watched as his face contorted in to a frown, anger and frustration seeping out of him as he fucked the brunette so hard his body began to inch up the bed.

Kakashi leant harder on his right arm, holding Tenzo’s shoulder in place as small groans and grunts made their way from his mouth. Tenzo’s eye’s closed, his teeth sinking devilishly in to his own lip to suppress the sounds he wanted to make. The discomfort of Kakashi’s harsh thrusts was strongly outweighed by the pleasure he was feeling. However he worried if he let himself groan Kakashi would sense the pain in his voice. He seemed to be concentrating and who was he to break that concentration with his moans. He enjoyed being treated this way, deep down. He had always got a kick out of rough sex in the ANBU. But he didn't figure Kakashi the type and didn’t want to ruin it for him so close to the end.

The silver haired man began to falter in his pace, he sunk his blunt nails in to tan skin, jolting Tenzo’s eyes open and locking on to them with his own. His unasked question was answered shortly after. Tenzo stiffened beneath him, throwing his head to the side and his left arm up over his eyes as he came in hot white ribbons all over his own shirt. Kakashi’s name a whisper on his lips as his clenching muscles pulled the Jonin over edge of his own pleasure. Kakashi moaned, his mouth opened and his eyes screwed shut as his last jolting thrusts milked his seed from him.

He calmed down slowly, still thrusting softly for a short time after his orgasm. His eyes still shut and his mouth moving silently as he eased himself down from his high. Tenzo watched in fascination, his own post coital haze almost gone as he reached up to run a calloused hand over Kakashi’s forehead, brushing sweaty hair from the other man’s eyes as he finally collapsed atop him.

Tenzo strained to hear Kakashi’s mumbling. Turning his head to the side to watch his lover’s mouth move against his shoulder.

“What?” He asked gingerly, running his hand through the hair at the back of Kakashi’s head.

“You should go.” Kakashi said again, louder this time. Tenzo stared for a second, sure he had misheard.

“Go?” He asked tentatively.

“Yes.” Kakashi said simply, pushing himself up and off the other man before collapsing back down on the bed beside him. The ANBU stayed put, his eyes trailing over his lover as he contemplated his words.

“Why?” He asked softly, unsure what else to say. Kakashi shrugged nonchalantly, rolling away from Tenzo so his back was to the man. “Are you really going to sleep here, the first night that I intend on my own accord to give you your space?” He asked, back still to his partner. Tenzo opened his mouth to respond, blinking as he thought about how to answer. He closes it again, knowing Kakashi had won and hoping the other man would have the courtesy to not be smug.

“That's probably not something you want to reenforce with me.” Kakashi continued. “The fact that if I back away you will run forwards. If you want your space you had better take it now while you have the chance.” He paused, wrestling with whether or not to continue. “I could use some space myself.” He said finally.

“Kakashi…” Tenzo started softly, reaching his hand out to touch the other man’s shoulder. Kakashi shrugged him off, shuffling further towards the wall and away from his lover. Tenzo stared, unsure what to do in this moment. Usually after sex Kakashi was needy and reluctant to have space between them. He was acting cold tonight, distant and reminiscent of his old self. Before Iruka.

The ANBU realised suddenly that he should be happy. This is what he wanted. What he has been asking for and what he had intended when he had given Kakashi his key back. He had hoped that spending time apart would make Kakashi less reliant on him. That sometimes he would be able to have sex and sneak away afterwards like troll he was. But perhaps he did not expect those things to come around so fast. Perhaps he has not realised the implications of Kakashi becoming self reliant. The fact that the other man might not know how to be this way, without all his other negative personality traits coming back in to play such as his ability to shut off his emotions. His ability to distance himself from people, to push them away and be extremely cold when someone tried to get close to him.

Perhaps he hadn't thought this through as thoroughly as he thought he had. Perhaps he didn't want that. Perhaps needy Kakashi was preferable to cold Kakashi.

Perhaps he had made a mistake…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that is still supporting me this far in, I really really appreciate it! Tell me what you thought! I love to hear from my readers!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hard truths are told by unexpected people and some questions are finally answered.

Kakashi awoke early, for the first time in a long time. He wasn’t sure exactly what time it was as he had broken his alarm clock the night before but from the position of the sun he would say it was before 7am. He rose slowly, feeling only slightly hurt that Tenzo had actually left when he had asked him to. He wasn’t sure what he had truly wanted or expected to happen when he had suggested coldly that the other man leave. All he knew was that after he was gone he felt empty. Like someone had wrung him out in the fashion of a wet wash cloth. Like they had screwed every little drop of emotion he was capable of feeling back in to the sink and washed it away.

He recalled feeling this way in the past. For most of his life if he was being specific. He had kept his emotions locked inside. Only feeling the pain and allowing himself to succumb to it occasionally. It had taken a long time for Iruka to unlock those gates and break down the concrete dam he had been using to keep it all inside. He was sure now that Iruka regretted ever knocking on those walls.

_So does Tenzo._

A thought that should make him sad he supposed. But all it did was serve to feed the resentment he was starting to feel towards his dearest person. A resentment that grew based on how hard he felt he was trying to keep this relationship together and how he felt his partner to be looking through his efforts in search of an exit.

Kakashi yawned, bringing his hand to his face before dropping it back in to his lap and standing. He made his way in to the bathroom, grimacing at the mess he had forgotten was smeared over his only shirt. He frowned at himself in the mirror, wondering if he could get away with just wearing his vest over top of it until this afternoon when he felt it would be appropriate to return to Tenzo’s and take his clothes back.

He decided to just go for it. The only people he would be seeing were Team 7 and he doubted they would even know what they were looking at if they should catch a glimpse. He tucked his shirt in to his pants for good measure. Feeling like a huge dork as he walked back in to the bedroom and shrugged his vest over his shoulders.

He couldn’t be in this apartment any longer. He wasn’t due to meet his team for several hours but he needed to leave before something else reminded him of his short lived happiness.

 

~

 

Tenzo hadn’t slept long the night before. After finally making his way back to his own apartment his bed had felt way to empty for him to be comfortable. He had not slept without Kakashi in his bed since they had started this relationship. Sure he was alone in his bedroll during missions. But being at home was different. Every time he found himself on the verge of sleep he was jolted awake by a small noise. His subconscious knowing he was alone and that noise could not have been made by his partner.

It only took 4 hours for him to give up trying, rising before the sun and making his way to his kitchen for a coffee.

The irony was strong, he realised as his bloodshot eyes struggled to stay opened. He had wanted so bad to have a night alone. To have Kakashi stay somewhere else so he could enjoy his bed without the constant fear he was going to be woken by the other man in the midst of a night terror.

He had gotten what he wanted and he had experienced the most terrible night of sleep in recent memory.

Maybe Kakashi wasn’t the problem…

He pulled his coffee mug up to his face, letting the steam wash over him and the aroma creep in to his nostrils.

He had a mission today, although not of a professional nature. He let his hand run lightly over the scroll in front of him. He had read and reread it more times than he could count that morning. The words making him ache for his lover.

The words “pitiful loser” were harsh, but he supposed Iruka had almost been killed by the chidori seconds before speaking them. But telling Kakashi no one would miss him if he died. That was too far.

Tenzo intended to find out who sent him this letter. Surely Iruka himself would not be so blasé about his previous indiscretions after their heart to heart earlier that day. But then again perhaps he felt guilty for his words and wanted Tenzo to know what he had said that night so that he could comfort Kakashi.

He wasn’t sure. But he was going to find out.

 

~

 

Iruka did feel guilty for his words. In fact they had been eating at him since they left his lips. The small gestures, like giving Kakashi his home back was his way of trying to make up for it. Although deep down he knew he never really could make up for it. He knew Kakashi well. He knew where to hit him if he wanted to hurt him and his Father’s death, feeling worthless and alone. Those were the sweet spots. He had hit all three in one fell swoop.

The regret he felt was palpable.

He watched silently as Kakashi’s bowed head failed to rise. Minutes of mourning turned in to an hour as the other man stood in front of the memorial stone. His hands in his pockets, his head down in silent prayer.

Iruka’s hand crunched softly around the slowly wilting flowers he had brought with him. He had intended to drop them at the stone for his parents. But when he had seen Kakashi present, he felt he should not approach. As time stretched on he found himself wondering if he should abandon his morning plan and just head to the Academy early. Kakashi would no doubt be due to meet with his team soon. But he was always late and Iruka knew better than anyone that this was why.

He was wasting his time, standing around waiting for the man to leave. He knew this but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to walk away.

He made small deals with himself that he would leave at a certain allotted time. But this time came and went and still he stayed. Silently watching the other man, obviously in deep grief.

“You’re going to be late for work.” Kakashi said softly, startling the Chunin out of his own thoughts. He looked around him, sure he had not been spoken to.

Kakashi turned slightly, tilting his head in Iruka’s direction and repeating his words. The brunette sighed, realising he had been caught. No point in standing around now. He should make a move, put his flowers on the stone, bow his head and run.

He moved forwards until he was standing next to the Jonin who had returned his attention to the stone. He placed his flowers down silently, placing his hands by his sides and bowing briefly before turning to walk away.

“Why did you send it?” Kakashi asked, his back still turned. Iruka stopped, confusion written on his face as he looked back to the other man.

“Send... What?” He asked, scepticism clear in his tone.

“The letter.” Kakashi clarified, still not looking in his direction.

“I didn’t send a letter…” Iruka said softly, swivelling around and walking back to his place beside the Jonin. Kakashi turned to him, his face a frown through his mask as he asked.

“About your coffee date with Tenzo?”

There was a small silence before Iruka shook his head.

“No idea what you’re talking about.” He chuckled awkwardly. Kakashi rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he folded his arms and turned his attention back to the stone.

“You know… If you’re going to meddle the least you could do is own up to it.” he ground out as politely as possible. “Otherwise what’s the point?” He asked frustration seeping in to his tone.

“Kakashi I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Iruka stated bluntly, stepping in front of the other man and blocking his view of the stone. “Yeah I had coffee with Tenzo. I dropped off that key, you’re welcome by the way… and he asked me in to chat. But I didn’t send you a letter about it. That’s absurd.” He said in a rush, his own arms folding over his chest.

“Hmm.” Kakashi said softly, unsure how else to respond. He had been sure it was Iruka who had sent him that scroll. But the man seemed sincere. What reason would he have to lie? If he had sent it, undoubtedly the goal would be to create unease in his relationship and ultimately cause it to end and have Kakashi running right back in to his arms. But why on earth would Kakashi run back to his arms if he didn’t know it was him that had sent the letter and therefore had been honest about his chat with Tenzo… If Kakashi thought it was just a random Good Samaritan that had sent him the letter he would have no reason to believe Iruka’s part in the chat was innocent.

“Look seeing as I have you here…” Iruka said, completely interrupting his over complicated thought process. “I wanted to say again that I am… truly sorry. I can’t tell you how much I regret what I did and not only that but… my words at the club that night. They were harsh and unnecessary… I was drinking… you tried to kill me...” He laughed uncomfortably. “I really hope you can forgive me.” He finished softly.

“I do.” Kakashi said simply. His eye contact catching Iruka off guard.

“Really?” Iruka asked, stunned.

“Yes.” Kakashi answered, staring in to his eyes intently. “I did try to kill you.” He admitted sheepishly. “But with regards to the other… thing.” He paused, swallowing hard. “It appears you aren’t to be blamed.” He stated flatly. Iruka raised an eyebrow unsure where this was going. “It seems I’m the problem.” Kakashi clarified, looking away as he spoke those words.  

There was another tense silence before Iruka found his words.

“What do you mean?” He asked softly, already knowing exactly what Kakashi meant.

“It seems I drive people away with my neediness.” Kakashi laughed. “Ironic isn’t it? You spend your whole life using unconventional methods to push people away because you’re too afraid they won’t like the real you… That they will leave you and you’ll be alone again and wishing you never let them in, in the first place… But one or two people manage to sneak in anyway… and then you open up… and it turns out you were right… the real you scares them away faster than any amount of coldness or porn…” He trailed off, allowing himself a second to wallow in his own self-pity before composing himself. “So yeah… I forgive you.” Kakashi said softly, his gaze falling back on what he could see of the stone though Iruka’s legs.

Iruka hesitated, unsure how to respond. The way he had spoken was cold; reminiscent of the Kakashi he used to be before all of this. His instinct was to comfort, but he felt that was probably the last thing Kakashi wanted from him in this moment. Instead he settled for justification.

“I didn’t cheat on you because you were needy.” Iruka said softly, his voice slow and deliberate. “I cheated because I’m a piece of shit.” He laughed, making Kakashi look at him funny. “Yeah… you being so present all the time was a little hard for me because I held you in high regard as someone that was very independent and I wasn’t expecting it.” He paused, thinking. “But ultimately what it came down to is we weren’t right for each other.”

Kakashi rolled his eyes once more.

“No seriously.” Iruka argued. “I’m just a Chunin… and don’t get me wrong I’m happy with who I am. But I’m not equipped to deal with the emotional scarring of someone that spent time in the ANBU. I also can’t begin to understand anything what you went through in your childhood.” He stopped talking, taking a moment to look at the stone behind him. “My parents died on duty defending the Village and I was of an appropriate age to deal with that.” He continued. “I thought at first that I could heal you. But I know now I can’t, which is why…” He stopped speaking once again, as if struggling to get the words out. Kakashi stared intently, figuratively on the edge of his seat.

“Which is why I actually think Tenzo is good for you.” He whispered. “He seems to understand you and the things you’ve been through. He can be there for you in ways I can’t. He’s feeling smothered at the moment but that’s just because he didn’t know what to expect when this started.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.” Kakashi cut in. “He didn’t know what to expect. Now he does and he will just start moving further and further away until eventually I catch him in bed with someone else.” He sighed. Iruka took a step forward, hands on his hips, his head shaking.

“Okay… no.” He said shortly. “You need to stop that. Both of you are so worried about cheating. But… If Tenzo is so worried about hurting you then he won’t. I wasn’t worried about hurting you. I got complaisant and… I fucked up. But he won’t fuck up, I can tell.” He explained. “You two… your personalities just match. I could tell when I was speaking to him the other day. The way he spoke about you, like nothing was more important than your happiness. He won’t hurt you.” He finished. A blush creeping over his cheeks as he realised how passionate he had become about convincing his love to stay with another.

Kakashi mulled this over, not sure what to say to the other man. He undoubtedly still had feelings for him. Part of him wondered if this was all just an elaborate ploy to break them up.

He watched the small blush appearing on his previous lover’s face and smiled to himself softly as he realised he didn’t care. It didn’t affect him anymore. That blush meant nothing and that was a huge step in the right direction for him mentally. He was finally over the other man.

“I just don’t understand why everyone is so surprised by my behaviour.” Kakashi admitted suddenly, making a huge effort to look anywhere but the other man’s face.

“Well… I explained to you why I was surprised.” Iruka said quietly, his hand gripping Kakashi lightly by the bicep and pulling him down in to a sitting position.

“Yeah…” Kakashi replied simply, still looking away as he crossed his legs, hands resting in lap.

“But if you want to hear it… I know why Tenzo was surprised.” Iruka said gently. Kakashi looked up at him, nodding. “Well… he told me you were pretty upset after we broke up.” He started, picking the dirt from under his fingernails as he spoke. Kakashi nodded again in conformation. “I think that once you got over our break up he was expecting you to go back to the lazy, disinterested Jonin that he had always admired. But you didn’t… You went right back to who you normally are. Which is sad…” He finished. Kakashi cocked his head in question. “You’re sad.” Iruka clarified. “You’re almost always sad. You’re depressed and it makes you clingy.” He explained as delicately as he could. “In my opinion, he was expecting you to cheer up and you never did because that’s the way you are.”

“I’m not always sad.” Kakashi said defensively, his frown returning. “I was actually really happy up until yesterday.” He pouted. “Not that Tenzo even noticed. I spent so much time trying to make him happy and be what he wanted and he didn’t even see the effort.”

Iruka raised his eyebrows once more.

“That’s only going to cause problems.” He said after a small silence. Kakashi looked confused and he took this as his queue to continue. “You see… Tenzo will get used to you the way you are soon. You really haven’t been together that long. You’re still learning about each other. If you go ahead and pretend to be something you’re not then what happens later on down the line when something happens to trigger you in to being who you need to be?” Iruka asked, tan hands wringing nervously in his lap.

“Like what?” Kakashi asked, missing the point entirely.

“It doesn’t matter what it is…” The Chunin sighed. “What matters is that Tenzo will get a shock and all of the sudden you’ll be right back where you are now except it will be several months later and he will feel more trapped than he does now.”

“So what do I do?” Kakashi asked, genuinely curious if there was even a point to this conversation. If the brunette could actually tell him anything significant that would help him in this situation.

Iruka shook his head slowly, feeling he had already meddled enough for one day. He needed to leave now if he was going to make it to his class on time.

“I don’t know.” He said softly, pushing himself back up in to a standing position. Kakashi followed, needing more answers. “Look just don’t hide who you are okay?” Iruka asked, a look of concern flittering across his face. “Regardless of what happened between us… I don’t wish either of you any ill will…” He paused. “Anymore.” He added with a small chuckle. “Just be yourself… and if I’m wrong and he can’t handle it… You can always come back to me.” He said, his words almost as whisper as he turned to walk away.

Kakashi didn’t answer, his hands clenching in his pockets. That was the absolutely last thing he wanted to do. He watched the other man walk away in the direction of the Academy before turning his attention back to the stone.

“What do you think I should do, Obito?” Kakashi breathed, his hand running softly across the boy’s name.  
  
  
~

 

Might Guy bounded gleefully towards his front door like a big dog excited about the prospect of company. Tenzo smiled to himself at the over exaggerated thumbs up he received as a greeting. He wasn’t sure he would ever get used to the man’s enthusiasm.

“Tenzo my dear friend and partner to my rival!” Guy exclaimed, catching the other man by surprise as he pulled him in to a hug. Tenzo pushed him away out of reflex, a grimace on his features.

“Yes… Guy, hello.” He smiled awkwardly as the other man took a step back, seemingly unaffected by the ANBU’s hesitance.

“Come in!” Guy shouted happily, gesturing inside his house and grinning from ear to ear as the other man walked inside. Guy lead him to the kitchen, setting about making tea for them before Tenzo had a chance to speak.

Guy instructed the other man to sit at the dining table. Bringing over two steaming mugs and placing them in front of the brunette. He sat opposite him, his happy go lucky demeanour vanishing as quickly as it had arrived when he took a beat to read the room.

“What can I do for you?” He asked in serious voice so unlike Guy’s. Tenzo was reminded of the last time they had spoken like this. Guy had given him some good advice and he had found himself starting to like the man after getting to know the real him. Not the showboating eccentric.

Tenzo pulled his satchel on to his lap, rummaging in it until he produced the scroll he had received the night before. He handed it to Guy, replacing his bag on the floor. Guy frowned, taking it from the other man and beginning to read.

The worry lines on his aging face creased as his eyes glided smoothly across the words. He grunted, a sound somewhere between a sigh of exasperation and a knowing hum. He handed the scroll back to his friend, his hands intertwining on the table in front of him as he waited to be spoken to.

“Is it true?” Tenzo asked softly, unsure he wanted a real answer. Guy nodded his head shamefully. He had been present in the bar the night Kakashi and Iruka had their altercation. He had only witnessed the end of this confrontation. He had not been aware of the words Iruka had spoken to Kakashi, only Kakashi’s seemingly unhinged state after the fact.

“I did not know what Iruka had said to make Kakashi leave…” Guy spoke solemnly. “All I witnessed was the Chidori flying through the wall. I entered the bathroom myself and pinned Iruka down but Kakashi teleported before I could speak to him.” He paused, looking out of his window thoughtfully as he wondered if it was alright to be telling Tenzo all of this. “I looked for him after that but I have no idea where he went. He found me hours later on my way home and told me that ‘that never happened’.” He said, mimicking Kakashi’s tone.

“I see.” Tenzo breathed, running his hand over his own face in frustration. “So…” He began. “If you only witnessed the end of this confrontation and had no idea Iruka said that to Kakashi then it obviously wasn’t your guilty conscious that wrote this letter.” He chuckled softly.

Guys shook his head slowly.

“Iruka?” He asked after a minute. Tenzo shook his head in response, his chin resting on his palm as he spoke.

“I don’t think so…” He replied. “It just seems too honest to come from the person that said those things. Surely if he was to confess, he would leave out the grittier details.”

There was a small silence as Guy sipped his tea, nodding his head slowly as he thought. He thought back to that night. The rush of emotions he had felt after seeing Kakashi’s face. He had known something was wrong, but he was too slow to act. He had failed as a friend.

That women had been terrified of him. Or she seemed it anyway. She had been shivering as he had helped her off the floor…

“Wait.” Guy shouted suddenly, surprising Tenzo and making him choke on his tea. “There was someone else in the bathroom that night.”

 

 

~

 

Misumi Saito smiled at her handy work. Kakashi had looked incredibly passive this morning after leaving his apartment. Previously Iruka’s apartment before he had left. She had followed the man to the Memorial Stone, watching smugly as he stood for a long while, obviously reflecting on his loved ones.

She held no animosity towards Kakashi, although her tattling to Tenzo about what had happened at the bar that night might make it seem as though she did.

But it was all part of her bigger plan to bring them closer together and as a result, drive them both away from Iruka.

She was not truly worried about losing Iruka until he had actually left. She realised now she should have been concerned from the beginning. The man’s love for Kakashi was stronger than she had imagined. Even after the altercation at the club she had maintained her own feelings for Iruka as strongly as he had maintained his for Kakashi.

She reflected back on the previous day, her finger swirling a lock of her blonde hair absently as her eyes trailed towards the man standing solemnly before her.

She had been trailing Iruka since the day they had broken up for good. Her Shinobi skills were rusty, but she had managed to remain unseen even days later as she lurked outside of Tenzo’s apartment. She was curious as to what the Chunin was doing, nodding to herself as she had watched him hand over an envelope undoubtedly containing an apartment key. She had been surprised to see Iruka invited inside.

_Perfect._

She had thought to herself, smiling wickedly as her plan had begun to unfold. She had foregone her usual ritual of following Iruka home for a much more interesting conversation being shared between a silver haired Jonin and a brunette ANBU. She had watched as Kakashi left the apartment, knowing full well from her eaves dropping that Tenzo had not told Kakashi the entire story. Kakashi had no idea that Iruka had spent more than a few minutes in that apartment.

She had taken the opportunity afforded to her when she had followed Kakashi to his old place; jotting down notes explaining two very different situations that she could use to her own personal advantage.

It had taken several hours to get the wording right. She was after all, a master of manipulation and she intended to live up to her own high expectations. Wording the letters exactly right to hit the sweet spots and therefore have the exact affect she was hoping for on each person.

Kakashi’s note had detailed Iruka’s visit in Tenzo’s home. She had subtly implied in a way only the jealous type would pick up that perhaps there was more to this meeting than originally thought. The fact that Iruka had so readily disappeared in to the home of someone who had taken his former lover’s heart. The fact that Tenzo had invited him in at all. Was there something going on between this well-known cheater and Kakashi’s emotionally exhausted new lover. The Jonin was sure to snap when he read the words, foaming at the mouth and cursing out Iruka, swearing him off for good when Tenzo inevitably explained this was not the case at all.

That was the plan anyway.

But here they were now, sitting together in front of the memorial stone. Iruka had even touched Kakashi’s arm without the other man flinching away. They were speaking in hushed tones, as is Kakashi was desperately hanging off every word the other man had to offer.

Her plan had failed.

She clenched her fists, huffing indignantly as she tried to work out where she had gone wrong.

She had made sure to word Tenzo’s letter just right as well. Made sure to tell him exactly how cruel Iruka’s words had been that night at the bar. Even if Kakashi had of explained to the man what had transpired she doubted he would have been that graphic. If he had of been, then there was no way in hell Tenzo would have invited Iruka inside yesterday. Unless of course there was another reason for his visit.

She pushed it to the back of her mind, feeling foolish for falling in to her own trap. She was starting to believe the way she had spun things to Kakashi.

Her letters had worked to her knowledge. After perfecting and sending them she had waited atop Kakashi’s apartment building for one of the men to make a move. Either Kakashi would go and she would follow or if she waited long enough Tenzo would show up.

The latter had happened and after an appropriate amount of time she had dropped to his window sill, blushing crimson at the scene before her, but satisfied with her handy work none the less. She had succeeded in bringing them close together once more and away from her own man. Iruka was the furthest thing from their minds last night. So why was he here now?

A large tan hand came down heavily on her shoulder, startling her attention away from the two men in front of her. Her scream was muffled as the second hand moved to her mouth, covering it firmly as she was spun around to face two large almond shaped eyes.

“We need to talk.” Tenzo whispered huskily, smirking to himself as her violet eyes widened in horror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably only one more chapter to go guys! Let me know what you think. :)


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